Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

The bad thoughts are the ugly little voice in my head that says "i don't want to be here", when I'm doing something as mundane as looking at a plant in my garden, or buying bananas. My good old friend, depression. I've cried every day, today i cried all day. Sorry you guys have been down as well.

Do you have nice weather MM? A walk in the sunshine is nice, even if you do have to go home after. Any new painting? Maybe you could paint my dog? Lots of pink paint for her big fat smile.

CS, is there anything you want to share? Gosh, every 4 months is a long time between visits with your psych. I hope having a sooner one was helpful.

Hanna, sorry about your plants. (Go nick some more! Don't give up!). Sorry I'm not much company atm.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I'm not so down about my marks, just down in general. It seems to ebb and flow, so I guess I just wait. Hugs to you all. Please feel free to chat here if ever you want a friendly ear xo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Ohhhh Lass, here is a warm gentle bear hug for you & Woofa sends you his snuffily nuzzle in your ear that he does when he knows we're down.

Paws

[monkey_magic]

Morning Katyonthehamsterwheel, and everyone,

Your dog looks like such a character. Love his/her huge smiley mouth.

I've got a paint by numbers painting coming in the mail of a massive waterfall...it looks amazing so I'm looking to painting that.

Weather has been good. I'll probably go to the supermarket today.

Depression is horrible. I go through the same thoughts. It used to be much worse for me and I'd cry loads. Now it's more the thoughts. I let them go over my head and pass. Sometimes they come on strong but they eventually leave. I'm not sure what the solution is as it's probably different for everyone but I'd say keep up with what you're doing i.e going to the beach, walking etc..and know that you are worthy of being on this Earth.

Hope U find some things to smile about today.

☮️ Peace

[Hanna3]

Just popping by Katy - hi to Monkey, CS, Paws, everyone -

I'm sorry that "friend" depression has hit you again - nasty little guy isn't he - tell him to go away - and remember this will pass. Warm hugs from Mr Sam in the meantime - he's getting very fluffy so extra fluffy warm puppy hugs! xoxoxo He's on his bed at the moment having dreams and his paws are moving and he's giving muffled barks in his sleep - I wish I could ask him what the dream is about! hugs x

[calmseeker]

Katy,

I don't like to think of you so upset and crying, I really hope you're feeling even a tad lighter since you posted last? Do you find it cathartic at all after a cry or does it just make you feel worse? I have always said that anxiety is hard work but throw a bit of depression in and its extremely difficult as the depression makes it hard to put the work into managing the anxiety - sigh!

It sounds like you have high standards for yourself where uni is concerned, which is wonderful but it must put a lot of pressure on you as well. Us anxiety sufferers seem to be a little perfectionist at times. I am sure you will get the grades you are used to receiving when things settle a bit with these covid restrictions and things return to being somewhat normal again. Remember to pat yourself on the back for how well you have done, because you really have done well, especially considering all you have to manage.

Did you ever get your little Z charm you mentioned? I would love to see it. Its such a sweet idea.

You're very kind to ask what's on my mind with all you are experiencing. I just feel a little disillusioned with things at the moment, including these forums unfortunately. It would probably be better if I had a long running thread like this one in order to discuss stuff but none of the threads I have made ended up being long term. Maybe its definitely a good time to begin yoga as I have discussed with you before.

Sending you the calmest of calm vibes for a peaceful day.

CS xo

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

You have indeed been lurking about silently and unseen and reading lovely dog poems girl! How are you going? I hope you are recovering, you are missed. I'm glad you liked my favourite poem about dogs! I'm writing this and listening to a Leonard Cohen CD I treated myself to - it's lovely!

Sam has had a bath so sending warm, clean, sweet-smelling, extra fluffy puppy hugs your way xoxoxo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

This too shall pass...

Hope you're all going ok. Everything is a tad heavy in my little world, but I'm still thinking of you all x

[monkey_magic]

Hi Katyonthehamsterwheel,

You are right, this too shall pass...

It takes time & endurance & patience...but it will pass...

I know heaviness....carried it on my shoulder for periods throughout my life...

You will survive the heaviness...I still do...

🙂

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

How are you lass? I hope you are managing to get outside in the fresh air & take the lovely Miss Storm for a good sniff around the neighbourhood in some lovely Autumn sunshine.

When everything feels dark & heavy lass, try & look for the little sparks of love & joy that our furs bring into our lives. Watch the way Stormy's butt waggles with excitement when she reaches a tree or post & she gets to read her pee-mail. See how pleased with herself she is when she finds the biggest stick in park & she shows it off to you & then tries to carry it home. Watch her smile & act like a puppy when you rub her belly. Little moments of sharing, caring that matter for you to capture & hold onto.

Sending you gentle hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Are you feeling any better after a break from BB? Has Uni gone back? How is Storm the Beautiful?

Hope you are coming back soon, you are missed. Take care of yourself, sending hugs xoxoxo