Not in a good space
Just wanted to say that I'm so sorry to hear that you've been around "people" who were emotionally cruel and abusive to you, that's awful.
None of you deserve "people" like that and I'm sorry that you've both been through it. But it's nice that you found that group Hanna, sounds nice. Poor woman with the abusive texts also. I feel sorry for you and her, and you too Katy.
Take care Hanna and Katy, and anyone else here.
I always see you on here offering great support and advice to people. You're absolutely good enough, and the value of a kind, supportive word in itself can't be underestimated x
I know you understand loneliness too, and that feeling of not being able to connect with people. I feel less alone when I hear of others having the same experience. Of course, I wish none of us had to experience it at all!
I ended up having a break from uni work yesterday as I just couldn't concentrate. It's pretty easy to fall behind though, so I can't do that too often.
Thanks again for checking in and offering your support. Hugs to you, Katy
They sound like a lovely group of women who you are lucky to have found, and at just the right time.
You're correct in that I don't have to put up with mean people, but I'm not very assertive. I've discussed this with my therapist before. There's so many things I feel like I need to work on. I've just been on a backwards slide for a decade now and I've lost myself along the way. If this sounds morbid, it probably is. I'm not feeling very cheerful again today. I woke up and had a cry which is never a good start to the day. I even took a (insert medication name here) to help me sleep last night but it didn't help much. And I have a cold sore from all the stress I've been under. Woe is me. Sorry
I'm contemplating booking an earlier appointment with my psychologist, as I feel I'm going under at the moment. I only get so many appointments a year though, so when I book a couple close together, I'm left stranded at the end of the year. Might wait til lunchtime to decide.
Thanks for the hugs and support as ever. What would I do without you? x
Thanks for asking. We probably cross posted. As I replied to Hanna, I just don't feel great atm. I've got the cries. Which I guess is better than where I was at, but not where I want to be either. Too much stress. Lack of sleep. Feel like I'm going under.
I just looked back for your earlier post, as I didn't reply, sorry. It's definitely hard starting over with new "helpers" but like you said, if you want to move forward, it's necessary. Do you think you'll give it a go? How's it going with the CBT by the way? Have you found it helpful at this point?
I'm happy to chat yoga too. I friggin love it! So glad I took it up. There really is multiple benefits to it, and even though for some reason I have to push myself to go every time, I love it when I do.
Oh lass, there is no need for you to say sorry. We are all here to share our journeys & support each other especially when one of us is going through a rough period. I do believe things can & will get better for you. Recovery isn't a straight line for most of us, it can feel like a game of snakes & ladders as we climb up out of the dark & then slip a short way back, before we pick ourselves up & start moving forward again. Perhaps if you don't want to book an earlier appointment with your Psych then try ringing the bb helpline first & see if that helps you to get by until your next appointment.
One of the things my Psych recommends when I feel like I'm taking one step forward & three back, is to look at my "safety plan" which is a list of things I can do to help break the thought spiral my mind can get in & includes people & organisations I can call including their phone numbers.
On the list is one that I do which I find usually helps calm me, (I tend to do on a regular basis anyway) & I find it still seems to work even when the tears flow, it's a bit left field but you might want to try. I put all my focus on Woofa & give him a detailed physical. I mean detailed. I run my hands & fingers slowly over every inch of him concentrating on feeling what's under my hands & finger tips, feeling each area a few times before moving on to the next. I move all his joints, feeling them & listening to them as I do it. I check in his mouth visually & running my fingers along his gums. I look & feel between his toes. I look in & clean his ears. I check his pulse, put my ear on his side & listen to his heart & lungs. It really helps to put a brake on my thoughts as I put my full concentration on him & it's not only calming for me, but Woofa has come to enjoy our sessions & it helps at the vets when they examine him so it's a win win. I'm thinking Storm may also find it enjoyable, include giving a massage, belly rub, good brush, whatever works for you both.
I'm hear to listen if you want to chat or I can quietly sit here with you as long as you need.
Gentlest of hugs
Hi again Katy,
You sound really exhausted. It might take you a few wobbly days before youre feeling more like yourself again and up to lifes challenges. Don't apologise for late replies, its totally all good to reply whenever you feel up to it. Lack of sleep does not help in this battle either. Are you having insomnia or just not getting enough hours?
I know what you mean about feeling like you are going under. It sometimes gets too overwhelming in my head at times also and I just feel like I am being buried alive. Do you think there is one making you feel like this or is it a mixture? For myself I can pinpoint all the reasons why I feel this way and just cant work any of them out. I used to be such a good problem solver, I was always able to isolate problem, find solution and fix it - things haven't been that way for me for quite sometime now.
I would like to swap bodies with your gorgeous Stormy. How fab would it be to eat and sleep and get pats and rubs and look forward to walks. I think dogs are so happy because they pretty much truly live in the moment.
The CBT is winding up now, its been interesting but something I am going to have to go over again. Oh, and I googled GROW , that sounds interesting too although even after reading their website I am still not sure what to expect. I think its something we would have to attend to see exactly what it is about. Do you think you will go to a meeting to suss it out?
I hope your day is treating you well Katy.
Paws, CS - big hugs to you both
A wobbly game of snakes and ladders indeed. I really think some sleep would improve my outlook (well, maybe), and it doesn't help having my period which is symbolic of something I'd rather not think about. If ever I wanted to take a break from my mind and body, it would be about now. Oh yes, to be a dog!
When I'm having a rough time, and I sit on the floor, Stormy will come put her back to me, for me to stroke her. I know I've written that here somewhere before, but it's the most amazing thing. It's incredibly soothing. She did it yesterday while I was busy wailing, and it just softened all the hurt and I felt at peace. So maybe I need to write that into my safety plan. Dogs are amazing. I'm glad you've found something that works for you Paws.
CS I think I lack the mental clarity to figure out much these days. Yoga, breathing, meditation, mindfulness - all attempts to take back space. I think we just have to keep at it when we can x
Apologies for the lacklustre post, hopefully tomorrow will look shinier. Katy
I replied to you yesterday on my thread - I hope you're feeling better today...
I did wonder if having your period had triggered things for you... we women get a bit of a tough deal don't we...
Keep stroking Storm who sounds like a wonderful dog. Sending small furry warm hugs from little Sam too oooxxx