Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Peppermintbach]

Hi SN,

I am so sorry about your horse. Loss is always horrible. I know you have such an amazing bond and friendship with horses...I don't even know what to say other than you must be in so much pain. Big hug from me to you...

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

Hi Pepper and Later

thank you both for your kind words. its very much appreciated.

[Just Sara]

You've experienced so much loss over these past months Essen; I'm truly sad for you my sweet. Animals are our friends, losing a 'beloved' friend will always hurt like hell. There's nothing I could say to ease this pain except; "This too shall pass"

As I've said before, allowing all your woes to come down on you together will cause insurmountable confusion. Giving yourself space to grieve at this time is paramount ok?

We're allowed to feel sadness and grief so snuggle up in bed and cry into your pillow until you can't cry anymore. Don't question or analyse it; crying cleanses the soul.

Please know as your surrogate Nan, I'm hugging you right now, letting you cry endlessly on my shoulder and kissing your forehead with love...no questions asked.

Sending my loving and kind thoughts your way...

Sara xoxo

[startingnew]

Yes Sara and endless amount of more than just loss.

Just everything has gone to shite and cant seem to get a handle on it anymore.

Just gotta go with the flow, I have a feeling my great grandma wont be far off, shes 96 and now in a nursing home and they werent sure she was even going to make it this far.

It does hurt, it hurts like hell.


Everything hurts either physically or phschologically and I dont know which ones worse atm 😞


thank you Sara, I needed that. It means a lot your here too. You havent run away from me yet

[Guest_128]

Hey Startingnew,

following from your now closed thread.

I hear that song over and over,sometimes I make myself hear it to pull my head in and snap out of the vortex of MH .

I have watched Nemo about 12 times and laugh so much.

Hope you have some better days soon.😘

Later

[startingnew]

Hi Later

Ican only hope so.

I just not long got out of ultrasounds and im hoping it shows something because its driving me out of my mind. There is pain there and im not imagining this one as alot seem to think.

Nxt step would be the Mri and i cant cough up the gap fee.

[startingnew]

Hi everyone
Im still in the family and friend predicament of blocking etc
Ive been too chicken to say to mu mother that my friends dont want to be apart of whatever she has planned.
I dont want to bring it up but i have to at some point but i dont want to.
I know shr needs an answer soon to either confirm or cancel bookings
Arhh

I just dont know when to bring it up. Do i strike while the irons hot or do i leave it let everything die down and then say something

Ijust dont know what to do. Thr worlds still going to keep on turning even when ive stopped

[Just Sara]

Hey dear one;

Just to address your dilemma with Mum; the words "...can't make it" as opposed to "...don't want to come" might make things easier. Though, taking on your friends responsibility for speaking up to your mum isn't right either.

Maybe you could put it back on their shoulders. You don't need that sort of accountability right now.

Either way, I wish you well...stand strong for you.

Love Nanny Sara xo

[startingnew]

that really suits you Sara. i hope you dont mind me giving you that title. but it really does suit you, plus it makes me smile.

its really frustrating becasue i need to sort it out but i cant sort it out. my friends dont want to talk to my mother and my mother gets angry when i meantion them so im stuck between a rock and a hard place.

i just lost my horse for goodness sake and i still have soo much to sort out. i know you said dont let it all come crashing down all at once, and ive been trying to put things off and in the wait till later bo but this one might not be able to wait too much longer

[startingnew]

To all the wonderful formunites that have supported me from day one and those who have kindly stuck around and also those who have joined in along the way. shoutout to James, Pepper, Later and Sara.
Im so grateful that you are in my life. The caring and gently and of course the honesty of members here have been an influence of who I am. Youve all encouraged me to do the things I have wanted to do but havent been brave enough to do on my own. Thank you for being kind and so caring and also for your forgivness patience and understanding in all thats been happening.
I couldnt be more blessed to have such a great family here.
Thank you all for helping me when I needed a hand, for listening to my troubles and supporting me in the battles I face. So thank you. Thank you all for everything.