Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

EM, I think I owe you an apology - for my words about your being busy coming across to you as if I thought you were complaining. I had not intended to suggest that you had a problem with it. Often, I'm grinning to think how much you get done in a day. I admire your willingness to get stuck in & get things done. You seem to be on the go so much. That's not a bad thing at all. I'm hoping you have a little time when there is nothing to do but to sit back with a cuppa, & reflect on your achievements. But I see you do just that. (On your Discussion). 

I am sorry I seemed to get the wrong end of the stick. I'm glad you felt you could tell me when I've made a mistake, on that Discussion, which I can't remember already. That's why I'm writing here.

*

😺Just relised, my autosave announcement is in Daylight Savings Time! That could account for a little of why I thought the time had gotten away from me, before. Knowing my Qld time is an hour earlier hasn't stoppped me feeling tired, tought...

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty,

I tried to answer the questions you asked on the cafe thread, but the gremlins seem to have eaten my reply... so I will try again here

Your gp should be able to put you in touch with the local home visit nurses or

you can google district nursing near "your suburb" 

To get google to bring up actual shops instead of online places for exercise machines 

try googling exercise machine store near "your suburb"

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Thank you, Paws, & Hanna, who caught up with me at the BB Cafe. I seem to be getting results for aged care support - close, but not 65 yrs old yet. 

& the other I have included 'in store' & still had online sales results. One major shop had some - & most were machines which could only be purchased 'online only' anyway. 

Maybe I just have to go to a gym, & then have people there who can set the settings, make sure I'm doing the workout properly, things like that. There is one locally, I hope to get to see tomorrow.

I really want to sort out the medication, so my helper & I might spend time doing that instead.

mmMekitty

[ecomama]

Dear Kitty, it wasn't me who was offended by any of your comments dear, but I'm sure it's all cleared up with the other member now anyway.. all good! 

Thankyou for the birthday wishes for my boys! They had an AWESOME party, we all did lol. I didn't have to pull anyone in to line which is always GREAT for me lol! 

SO happy the weather behaved too. 

I can't eat capsicum anymore so I don't buy or preserve it in any way. 
There are different ways to preserve zucchini (plenty of ways) but I doubt you could successfully freeze cucumbers. When I had an overabundance of cucumbers from my garden, after I'd given as many away to neighbours that I could lol, I chopped lots up and put them into Greek yoghurt with a squeeze of lemon juice and we ate Tzatziki with 2 meals a day for a week! 

Re: your exhaustion lately Kitty. 
Has your GP tested your iron levels lately? 
We use a vegan iron supplement that's really gentle on the gut. 
Just pop a sachet into OJ at night and it boosts iron levels well. 

Also Re: your workouts Kitty. 
If you're curious, your GP may be able to draw up a Health Care Plan for a Physiotherapist? 
This way THEY select all the appropriate exercises for you, then set all the gym equipment up and stand with you at all times, to keep you safe. 
They can also create an individualised exercise program that you can cope with to do between visits. 
Just an idea. 

Just a headsup, I don't have any emotional attachment if you decide not to do anything I suggest at all. 
So you never have to worry if you're offending me by doing something different or not taking anything I say on board. 
I respect you're a grown up! Hahaha... you can make your own decisions sweet Kitty, 

Love EMxxxx

[mmMekitty]

Hi EM,

Unfortunately, I've already used up a health care plan this year. However, it does not help me much to see someone only occasionally, because when I get home & am trying to do what they said, I find I feel sure I'm not doing what they said, in the way they said, & feel my confidence drop right down to where I feel it's a waste of time. I really do much better when I have someone with me, so I'm also thinking I'll have to find another support worker, who can take me out to one of the parks with exercise, regularly, or ttake me to 😰 a Gym, where people can supervise what I'm doing & help with the machines.

Today I've been looking on a site where I can (hopefully) find support workers with the skills to help with the exercise, & maybe also have someone who has qualifications to give me the meds I need help with, too.

I was in a bit of a frazzle, this morning, because my usual helper went & hurt her back, so called me this morning to tell me she could not come to my place today. All I had planned was cancelled. It's so hard for me to do anything without the support.

I think I found soeone, only to read there is more info, & she could not work Fridays, so she won't be as good as I had thought. I suppose I could have another person for Fridays.

I did mark a few who sounded like they could either help with the exercise, having some qualifications & experience in that area, & a few who have nursing qualifications, who could manage the medication I need, daily, (that's the hard part). I'll run out part of my NDIS funding to do these things, I'm sure. The medication costs plenty, but getting it into me will cost quite a bit more.

Anyway, I think I was expected to completely fill out more than I thought, & I am not sure how to complete their forms, so I have to call them - & I didn't find the number on the wevsite, but on their welcome email... weird, huh? There site is not so easy, & I don't know if my request went got through.

mmMekitty

[ecomama]

Dearest Kitty, I admire your perseverance. 

I'm a little familiar with the workings of NDIS, the workers & find myself supporting recipients to receive more funding because their needs have increased. 

Smart thinking! Getting a good social worker is a must. Hopefully this person can help coordinate NDIS workers for you? Some ppl pay an NDIS worker to coordinate the others, as this was in their application too. 
I've noticed how "fluid" this industry is, meaning workers can move on quite quickly etc, therefore I recommend recipients with significant needs to have a few workers on the books. 

Working out WHERE which buckets the money comes from to pay for all your needs is important, so I'm cognizant of this for you. Having NDIS pay for your daily meds allocation would be better than you having to pay for this out of your income. 
I know Chemists do "Webster packs" but I also know this service would cost YOU more personally. 

Remembering to put this activity on your next NDIS application is important. This is what I'm hoping a Social Worker would do? IE write your next NDIS application and include this too. I've written quite a few applications and had 100% success, so far, getting people more money because they need it desperately. 

I get your concerns about not doing exercises properly but doing any exercises would be better than none. 
Definitely having someone to walk with you outside is assisting to keep you mobile, which is VERY important as we age. 

You're doing great Kitty! 
Love EMxxxx

[mmMekitty]

Hi all,

I've spent so much time reading, assessing, & responding to messages, all in an effort to find a couple of support workers, qualified to do the injections. .

I am working out the website of the company I'm finding these people through. I don't like doing things this way, but I'm not sure what else to do. I keep forgetting what I read, who I'm responding to & what the people have said to me - constantly going back & forth. I think I've found two, maybe a third, because one reminded me of the need for someone to step in if one is away, sick, holidays, & such. It feels more complicated to hav two or three people to deal with.

& I'm going to have to see if I can get my NDIS plan reviewed, because I will substantially increase how much time/money on having these support people, daily. & I want to have the time I need to do some exeercise, bits of shopping, appointments, one-off shopping for big items, & maybe I'd still have the one who helps with housework, & the other for hospital appointments? I don't know... 

I do have a hospital appointment in early November. I'd like to feel confident that I will have a support worker with me that day, at the unusal time, as well.

I don't like using the website, don't like that they would be recieving 10% of whatever the support worker charges, so I'm thinking this expense is passed onto me/NDIS. I don't know how else I would find these people otherwise.

It was I either try the website, or go to the company who had sent people to do the drain care, who didn't do the job quite as carefully as the Doctors were wanting... The medicine I want to use needs to be measured carefully, & every instruction followed, records kept, too, so mistakes are less likely to occur. It's so important.

& I'm not getting around to what I wanted to talk about here, not today. It's getting late & I am tired. things are simmering around my head, & I want to vent.

It'll have to wait.

mmMekitty  

[mmMekitty]

Hi all,

I've had other things simmering, or swimming, or churning in my head, which I have been pushing away for days now.

I know that's not really the best thing to do with such stuff. It's a sort of default for me when I think, I must deal with such needs as I have been trying to do. No doubt looking for new support workers is important, as is taking time to make salads, & other meals using more fresh ingredients, & taking time to do some exercise, as I can/ Then other things too, like more food shopping. I don't know quite how or why, but I neglected to get some things last time.

& would you believe, I've been sleeping in until around 7:30am! I haven't even woken for a bathroom break at that awful time of 4:30am.

NOTE: My next post comes with a *TW*,

mmMekitty 

[mmMekitty]

*TW*

I've been remembering how, when I lived with a couple, a very bad mistake I made. They suggested I should go out & make money on the streets, you know, selling my body. I was astonished, appalled, & fearfully anxious they might actually coerce me.

What later happened, when I knew I had to leave, (yeah, not directly after that), I was feeling awful about myself for having got myself into the relationship with them & having to 'escape' again. & how I was doing things like smoking so much, of what they smoked, which was roll your own & I was drinking, to please them & have them stop pestering me to drink with them.I tried to water mine down, but they caught me, & I felt like a little child caught scribbling on the walls, or breaking things.

My feelings were so twisted then, & even while denying them, I sure felt them.

...

(more, but too much, even though not 2500 characters, + spaces - still not getting posted.

[mmMekitty]

...

& then that manager of the op shop where I worked & had so recently prior to that relationship with the couple, was changing his narrative, upping the ante, as it were.

My recently discovered sexuality was a thrill to him, something he was proud to gloat - having been with a lesbian, how great is that, eh? Then, he began to reveal he was meeting men in parks, then the men became younger & younger... I won't say more, except I became concerned enough to think about how much responsibility I had to report what he's telling me to the police.

I was so torn by that possibility. I got some legal advice, through a community legal service, & they advised me I would have to have more information than what I had. That was back in the early 1990s, & I don't know if the advice would be the same now.

Really confusing & difficult times, that weren't over quite yet, but I don't think I can go into that here. It took that final worse thing to get through to me that I had to leave him & that workplace.

It had me thinking just how dense am I, like diamon, I say.

I don't know what happened for him, just don't imagine it wasn't any good for him, or anyone he came into contact with. I fear for what his kids had to cope with, & sorry I didn't give much thought about them at the time.

It's okay for the time being. I've just been too busy.

When these memories arose this time, it was bad for a bit, but not so overwhelming like it used to be, I must conclude, I have survived all the abuse - every bit, from my early childhood until the last - more resilient than I ever knew.

mmMekitty