Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[Mum Chris]

yes warm soapy water and I even just put them in the shower and let the shower wash. I think people get sick of things need a change. Or get them as gifts.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Croix, you wandered onto another thread, & wondered why I think you would laugh at my rendition of Brahms' Lullaby? I think you wonder, only because you haven't heard me!

Imagine me using my app on my iPhone 11 (you could google the dimensions, if you like). When the app is open, I turn the phone sideways, 24 keys visible. I can see where each black key is, but I cannot see the thin line seperating each white key. Even when I try to touch on a specific note, my aim is not true, even from 10-12 cms away. So I'm making musical mistakes like you make your own keyboard mistakes.

Sometimes I think I would like to have perfect pitch, so I could hear & identify the notes accurately, but then, when I'm making mistakes everywhere, it would get too annoying.

I don't mind when I am trying but getting off the trail of the tune I am wanting, because my own wanderings might produce some nice sounding phrases. For me, no, it's not accurate, but 'good enough' for my enjoyment, relaxation, expression, or distraction. These benefits make it well worth the moans & groans when I want to find the exact note or chord, but seem to miss entirely.

*

Just when I thought the night was pretty quiet, & maybe the rain had stopped, I hear it again.

Goodnight, goodnight, pne & all,

May your dreams be sunny & bright,

& you sleep soundly as well.

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

Well you have explained, but I'm not convinced. True it may not be possible to render the 1812 on an iPhone 11 as it comes out of the box (the cannon fire always presents a problem anyway), however thay all pair with very cheap rechargeable Bluetooth alphanumeric keyboards and some even with mice. Your music app may allow key-presses rather than touching the ivories on the screen..

Do you think having a keyboard which is larger with raised keys might allow you to use fingertip sensation to supplement your melodic efforts? My apologies if you have already considered this.

Following your directions I'll take my dreams sunny-side up 🍳

Croix (the wandering walrus)

[mmMekitty]

Hi Croix,

I forgot , for reasons unknown, since the time I first tried the app, I usually use my left hand on it's own. It doesn't like when trying to play more than four notes of any chord either.

Besides, I want a real one! I'll settle for an electronic piano, because I can use an earphone.

If I had a house, with neighbours not too close, & a big room, I'd see if I could get a stuart & Sons Piano. That's the one I want. Tasmanian made, & beautiful.

Parish the thought about canons, would you? Even if you pleaded with me to gather up our friends to play on your ice berg, I am not playing with canons!

*

I was going to write more, but time is getting away again... doing that a lot today.

I think I should stick to the Lullaby - & imagine what I play is 'Variations on a Theme by Brahms' 😺 - endlessly varying!

Goodnight all.

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear mmMeKitty,

Just popping in to see how you’re getting along...

I once had an app that had the strings of a guitar...oh wow..it was so difficult to keep up with the notes that flying through the screen....I also tried a piano one....same problem....It takes my mind to long to register what me eyes see.....

I do hope your okay, I don’t post in here much...even though I do listen a lot...

Big hugs beautiful Kitty...🤗...with my care🦋🕊.

Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy.😺Lovely of you to drop in.

The app I have was on my iPhone 11 when I bought it, must be a lmost a couple years ao, called 'Garage Band'. It's not like the games that expect players to keep up with ever more difficult sequences. I play as if it's a keyboard & I make up my own music as I want, fast or slow as I want, accurately as I will, (which isn't very when I try to play known melodies). It does have features that I can't use much, for recording, editing, piecing together bits & pieces, layering tracks, many different instruments to choose from, (but I just like the piano, sometimes I play with the guitar, which shows only as a section of a fretboard.)

I can play simple things like 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' & 'Happy Birthday', rarely without making mistakes. So, I thought, I will forget about being accurate, & play 'close enough is good enough' & improvise as I feel.

Sometimes it's just the sound of piano that I like & focus on when I need to settle, or distract from intrusive thoughts. & a slow, quiet rambling lullaby too, sometimes, until I am drifting off to sleep, & my fingers stop moving on my phone's screen, as if all by themselves. I'd like if my phone would switch to the lock screen when that happens, then go dark as well, but I can't tell it to do that.

It is a glitchy sort of app, maybe only because. It keeps thinking I want to do something with one or other of the tools located above the keyboard. Once set to what I want, I'd like to tell that to disappear & let me play uninterrupted.

*

Today I bought a painted metal magpie & an imitation plant in a geometrically carved pot, for my kitchen window. The Magpie even has red eyes. It's not quite as realistic as I'd like, but it does look pretty good. I'm sure people delivering things to my flat will find me because I have told them there is a Magpie & a leafy plant in my window.😸

So, then I also had a neck & shoulder massage, as per GP's suggestion. I had to ask the fellow to try with me lying on my back, because it still is too uncomfortable to lie on my front, even for a short time, & becomes painful if I am there for more than five minutes. He did alright. I do got stiff & tight muscles! I had worries about whetr or not the touching, even through clothes, would trigger me, but this time, while not able to really relax, I was okay with it. It's so unpredictable... but I can't let that stop me.

That's two things I achieved today! 😺

❤️🌈🌤🌺☮️ 😻

mmMekitty

[Mum Chris]

Hi mmMekitty

There was a place in shops near me that had a massage place and you sat on a chair by straddling it and leaned on the back of the chair. Then I got a neck and shoulder massage in sitting position. I really miss that they were an awesome quick and cheap way to get pain relief. I know many still exit but not close to me anymore.

Awesome to have the bird and plant the magpie sitting on the window sill. So cute and makes the home distinctly your house. ❤️❤️❤️

We are lucky to be high and dry from the wet weather. This summer has been a big fail just hot and uncomfortable and now rain. 🌧

I had a fabulous time with loved ones last week and there’s more visitors this weekend. I have only used my new game for about 10 minutes this week 😂 I’m so bad at it. I need to practice there’s a lot of terminology and stuff that only gamers know. So I’m on YouTube trying to learn. 😂 I bought myself a chore. Lol.

Hope you have a wonderful day. Sending sun rays and low humidity 😂❤️

MC

[mmMekitty]

❤️☮️🧸🌈a gentle bit of🌞& a little💧to keep all the plants healthy.

I'm up early, not getting back to sleep. I'm not sure why. Surely being physically uncomfortable had something to do with it. I tried changing postition, but there is this little pain that begins on which ever side I try to sleep on, so I have to turn again. It's been too disruptive.

My late lunch/early dinner also my have had something to do with it. I get hungry again by 3-4am, & don't always get back to sleep. I did have a snack of yoghurt & some cashews before going to bed, but doesn't seem to have been enough.

These books I'm listening to are really too good for playing when I need to sleep. I want to listen to much. It's sci-fi, 'space opera', & has a main character who is a woman & many more as well. It's a rather disjointed series or three..& I"m not at all sure I'm reading them in order. One even had a little note at the start advising readers to have read another volume prior to this, because this one will reveal some 'spoilers' about the previous novel. I can't find the one mentioned.

My memory won't make it matter much anyway. I'm learning to read for what I can enjoy in the moment, not worrying so much about the fact I will forget so much possibly within a few days of reading. Details are forgotten within minutes.

mmMekitty

[Mum Chris]

Hi mmMekitty

I got myself a comfy 2nd hand recliner and I’ve been knitting. I wake up before the sun each day. I wake up thirsty and all I can think about is a hot drink I lay there and wait for the daylight. Sometimes I can go back to sleep. Sadness is creeping into my life again and im trying to keep it out of my head and emotions. Knitting while watching a show on tv helps.

I love sci-fi but not reading it and maybe because the way it’s written. There’s so much imagery needed for the genre that it can be boring to the plot or not enough and it’s hard to imagine. It’s an unpopular view and I keep that opinion quiet mostly.

wishing you a long sleep

MC 😴💤🛌

[mmMekitty]

Hi all,

I've been wanting to write something here, not sure what or how... I'm sitting on subterranean feelings. I don't want them to all come out all at once, all mixed up. That's what happens in that part of my brain, where things stew; they get mixed up.

I think I need to space things out a bit.

Put the invasion of Ukraine in one spot, put the new wave of COVID-19 in another, put the recent floods in another, put where I'm at with myself in another pile (which in itself, needs further subdividing. & what I'm doing here (on BB) in another.

Maybe the least complicated is the invasion of Ukraine. I am unable to see all the detail of the pictures on tele, but still it is so overwhelming, I am upset with whatever I see. It is so awful, & I feel so helpless to help. Even if I was there, I don't think I could even help myself, let alone anyone else. It feels awful to admit that.

The floods just bring up memories of 1974, & also I can't figure how I can directly be of any help. I couldn't watch the news about that either.

About COVID-19: QGov's website has changed & it is not easy to find the latest advice anymore . I still listen to Coronacast, but they are now only producing once a week, & may not cover what I most want to know. (It is interesting for what it does cover, though).

Here, I'm missing some people. I've gone looking for a few, but do I go looking for a dozen or more, & posting on each so I can find them more easily in future... & then still have the sense I can't get to everyone? Feeling awful I've not kept up & in contact as I intended.

I am so mindful that what I'm saying may be taken seriously by the one I am posting to & by anyone who may be reading, now & in the future, that I question every sentence I write. I review so much I convince myself I don't know what I'm talking about or how to say it, that what I'm writing is making any sense, that I haven't posted anything, or something inadequate.

I can't spend the time I would need to for each person I would like to maintain a closer connection to - there's too many of you.

& I am still not very well myself. I get tired, my memory is awful, I feel a need to check to be sure because I can't trust my memory, (& that takes up more time),

&I want to examine my feelings, as Paul's thread asks, "Do you like yourself". I have written a little there, but barely remember much of what I wrote. Since my surgery, I am experiencing my body & certain things about myself differently.

.....

mmMekitty