Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Kitty....Croix,Dools,Hanna and everyone...🤗.

I found the ABC choir by Katie Noonan, the words to the song were beautiful and listening deep and mindfully tissues were needed...I also listened to a couple more of her song...I like her voice and the songs she writes...

Kitty, dear sweet lady....I’m sorry about your dreams and the thoughts that were in your mind yesterday....My heart goes out to you, with all that you have laying ahead of you...So many times I wish I could jump through the screen to be with people struggling with life events, just to sit next to them, hold their hand, with a listening ear, offer my shoulder to rest their head on if needed...You are one of those people Dear Kitty.....It’s so hard going through major things alone in r/l.....💜🤗...

I agree with Croix....I can’t see you changing after surgery...Your beautiful soul and lovely words of inspiration and support to others here will not change....you will still be you...

Oh our dear wise walrus...how lucky he is that we thought about drinking all those cans so we could keep his iceberg afloat....we only drank them for his iceberg, without it, Deebi and I wouldn’t have a place to practice our band music..🥁🎸🎻🎹🎺🎷🎤...We do really need a singer, if your interested in the position...payment is in the form of fun, happiness and joy....and watching our wise walrus dance the Jitterbug...

Kindness, care and hugs precious Kitty...🧸🕊🤗💜..

Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hello Hanna, Doolhof, Croix & Grandy, with a wave to the watchers.

Your presence is incredibly valuable to me. Every post, all your support , caring words, cheeky words, & every word in between.

I'll have to find out more about post-op after tomorrow. I realise I still don't know enough about how well I might expect to do ordinary things for myself or if I will need more help around my flat & me. It's a difficult time of year to be seeking more help. People want to have breaks at this time of year.

I know I can call the Breast Care Nurse (BCN) for more information & support. I'm not quickly comfortable speaking to most people. I can speak to my PDr, who has said I could send a message or email & he would arrange a time to talk if I need before he returns from his break. That's so very reassuring, I actually feel less in need of talking to him, because he doesn't feel so far away. That's a little game my mind plays, I guess.

Sometimes I feel I need him more than is strictly necessary, & like a little kid reluctant to grow up, I tend to get sulky & clingy, & am inclined to beg him not to go on his breaks through the year, especially these long breaks at the end/beginning of each year.

*

today, I think: my body parts do not define me. I have never felt particularly 'womanly' & really didn't get a chance to imagine being a woman might be a good thing; denied & stolen from me. I haven't always treated my body well, haven't liked it. It's been a convenience, to people I've been with. Even so, now I'm trying to treat it better, do nice, healthy things for it, I feel it has disappointed & I was going to say 'betrayed', but that's not it. I feel my body is getting back at me for my earlier misuse & neglect, more like, it is punishing me.

I don't think I was all that bad to deserve this, though - 'But it could be worse', my brain speaks up, & true enough. My body could be failing in so many more ways than it has.

No, not a good way to look at it. Thinking 'it could be worse' does in no way mitigate the seriousness of what is actually real.

*

I'm too tired for seriousness.

When Croix's iceberg melts, I can only imagine the beer cans will be tied directly to Croix, to keep him afloat. 😸

Let me imagine the Walrus Jitterbug! 😹

I've drafted several singers. Until that certain movie, I hadn't known there were so many!

What instrument for you, Hanna? I forget. Maybe the Triple Picklelow? That'll get Sam dancing. He can leave paw prints anywhere he like!😺

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

A couple of more serious things to get out the way:

I'd expect you are going to surprised how much energy having the operation will take out of you, and if I could suggest it please do make arrangement for more practical household/personal help than you think you might need. This is what both I and Mrs C have found over the years.

Second, there is no way you deserve punishing, and no, your body is not an instrument for that. It's true that we may not always look after our physical condition as well as we might, through circumstance, thinking badly of ourselves, lack of motivation, or lack of hope. These conditions however have dictated what you have been able to do.

At one stage I saw no point in eating, and smoking was a willing trade off between coping now, and some possible ill in the seemingly remote future (that one came back to bite me)

You have survived and show courage and stoicism - an example.

Incidentally I saw the post you wrote Phoenix6 yesterday, I thought it spot on and far better than my stumbling effort. You have a talent for helping.

Now for the important section:

I'd have to say you are not that familiar with walrus capabilities, we can swim and stay afloat without assistance -from beer cans or otherwise. It is simply weaving all those containers together will give me a nice ledge for a snooze (and somewhere to put my refrigerator)

Also walruses are far to dignified to jitterbug, in that we are like Sumo Cat. Perhaps one might essay a waltz - with suitable music of course. I'm not sure the WUSWOP would be capable!

Mind you I do appreciate the generous efforts Grandy and DB went though to drink all that alcohol for no other reason than to keep me afloat. Was that the inebriated kiwis intention too or were they just opportunists?

Talking of kiwis, when I was on the South Island I started up the west coast and saw a hugely long beach, and all along was a solid pile of driftwood. Went for miles, higher than a semi-trailer. All dry and tangled. Large trees and small.

Funny, seals snoozing beside the road on the East side, driftwood on the West.

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Hi, everyone,

Long day, early humid & very warmth, then into cool dry air-conditioning. There were no other patients waiting when we arrived. & even as I went back & forth from seeing one person to another, it seems very few patients were being seen that day.

I think I saw saw six different people, apart from the people behind the counter. We filled in duplicate forms to the forms we had already filled in. This time, I thought to add my PDr as a contact person. If anything untoward happen, I would like him to be informed.

everyone I saw asked my anme & birthdate.

I spoke to a junior doctor, had my weight & height measured, an anaesthetist who & talked about fasting prior to surgery & my usual meds, then had an ECG, saw a physiotherapist, wo spoke of post-surgery exercises & he spoke about how much my movement may be limited, & someone measured my arms up so they could watch for lymphoedema after lymph nodes are removed, (Low risk, having just a few taken) , & saw the BCN again, & she answered a couple questions about after care, &, yes, asking about getting more support at home afterwards. & I was given the rundown of risks, & signed the consent form.

I think I have forgotten some things. Too tired now to finish.

My helper & I did a little shopping, had lunch & came back.

It was a long day. I tried to have a snooze, but was feeling uncomfortably warm

will be seeing my other helper tomorrow morning, the GP after, when this main helper will come & take me to the GP's. It seems I am going to get my COVID-19 booster tomorrow. Yippee!😺

☮️to you all, &❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️as well,

mmMekitty

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty

You had a busy and what must have been a stressful and tiring day.

I don't know if someone has mentioned this but it's a good idea to have some easy meals ready in the fridge or freezer for when you get home after the op.

A couple of frozen meals and long life milk, orange juice and snacks etc.. Also maybe panadols for some pain relief, whatever you can think of that might make it easier for you afterwards.

I've found this helpful after I've had surgery and living alone.

I hope you have a rest after such a long day!

😴👍

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Kitty,

Your day Yesterday sounds so busy and stressful, I hope so much you’re managing okay and are okay...

Im wondering if your local hospital will arrange a care nurse to call in to see you each day after your back home...Have your professionals spoken to you about that, if not would you consider asking them....please,

A little distraction for your tired mind and body today...if you feel to read the following...

I am a tree hugger and watcher, a bird watcher, if I’m lucky a kangaroo watcher...well I suppose I would say a nature watcher....any how...this morning I was lucky to see a large kangaroo and 2 smaller ones, grazing amongst the cows...no judgement on either species...just all enjoying the fresh green grass, the breaking of a new day...all together,

Then the birds up early took use of my bird bath and a few were flapping their wings in enjoyment of an early morning bath...a couple of others decided to have a dirt bath, they look so cute on their tiny bellies flapping the dirt around all over them with their wings....imagine us doing that😂...

The huge gum tree across from me, is my hugging tree, and the cows umbrella from the sun...Their was this one cow I noticed was swaying slightly from side to side, on a closer look I seen he was scratching her back in a fallen branch....I had seen this before...Animals always seem to me to be content, enjoy each moment that they are alive and not have a care in the world....I wish we had similar minds....

The beautiful people here have gotten to know, love and care for you...are holding your hand precious lady and are all doing so with our care....

If you need to talk, cry, vent we are here for you...you are going through an incredibly hard time right now...with so much grace and kindness to others here...Please don’t forget to give yourself plenty of self care and look after yourself best the can...

sending you some love, care and lots of warm comforting hugs beautiful friend...and a beautiful 🌹 rose...because I just want to..

Grandy...

[mmMekitty]

Thank you, Hanna & Grandy. 😻

Indeed, Hanna, they will be arranging a Community Nurse to come to my place to change dressings, & deal with the drainage tubes, keeping an eye on how much fluid drains, at when it it a small enough amount the drainage tubes come out.

My freezer is already full up with frozen vegise, a little fruit, some bread, ice, milk & easily prepared meat. If someone could drop off fresh salad stuff already chopped up to bite size, every couple days, that'd be great.

I have noticed, the more tired I am, the more typos I missed correcting. 😼

IGrandy, I love your descriptin of the world around you. It sounds so wonderful, I would love to pitch a tent out there, & come to stay. It wouldn't be a big 🎪, just a little⛺, really....& I won't even chase after the 🐦🦚🦢🦜🐤, or ride on the 🐄🦘🐄🦘🐄🦘🐂!😸

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Now I get a call to tell me I need to get a COVID-19 test 72 hours prior to my surgery.

The Nurse Administrator said I'd need to get it Jan 1st. Really? So she said Friday 31st would be okay. But why anyway? Since she also said it really doesn't matter what the result is for me, only so the anaesthetist may adjust how they will treat me & my respiratory system. Something like that. &, stay home after. But I'm staying home anyway.

My helper is moving house next week so she won't be available to help me. So, I'll have to go alone, & deal with that, not wearing a mask, being in a location where I may well be at risk, because people there are more likely to be there because they may have good reason to suspect they have been infected, right?

Does this make sense to you?

I'll go in there, sure to test negative, & end up possibly becoming infected while I am there, whereas if I simply continue to stay home until I go into the hospital I'll be fine - guaranteed to be uninfected.

Now I'll have to get a taxi, there & back, also, not sure about the status of the drivers, am I?

I dread how many people will be there on the 31st, while cases continue to rise, & more people will be wanting to be tested.

You know that Munch picture, oh, I wish I could.

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

Yes it is a worry, and a great pity your helper is not available. While I'd not expect the testing station or the cab to be particularly dangerous may I offer some thoughts? I expect you have considered them already, but you never know.

First throw the whole thing back on your Nurse Administrator, anesthetist and surgeon, each in turn. Explain the dangers and difficulties, see if they will budge on requirements or offer alternatives. At worst they may provide taxi vouchers. There is also hte possibility of patient transport.

Second if this does not work a small aerosol of disinfectant plus hand-wash if your respiratory system will put up with them for short periods. Spray cab plus anything else you think appropriate (probably not a good idea to spray the driver)

At least in my area you can order a maxi or ability taxi which is generally more suitable (and cleaner) as it is designed for transport of people with physical difficulties. It costs no more.

On arriving at the station do as I do and ignore any queue, buttonhole any staff member (the cabbie will often assist wiht this, particularly if forewarned when you ring up) and explain your conditions (the white cane will be a help to catch an eye). As you are unable to navigate or stand for any protracted period I've found this has got me though the process at top speed, even with someone to help fill in any writing.

With The Scream, I tend to collect art spoofs and have a lovely one, showing a VW beetle in the foreground on the pier with a parking ticket under the windscreen, plus the obligatory reaction, which now seems to have an excellent cause as the figure has just seen the ticket. The brushwork on the car is identical to the original.

And yes, it does make sense.

Croix

[Mum Chris]

Hi mmMekitty

I can relate to constantly changing information from medical staff. I was reassuringly assigned two specialist nurses and not only did they tell me different information and then say I was mistaken. They even contradicted themselves, I took a third party to take notes and that stopped the expleted deleted show.
There’s no avoiding the tests it’s a given and moving all the time. Also up to interpretation and then there’s the delays on results. I do agree you go to front of line and ask for a quick test due to your need to get the hell out of there.
It’s all terrible and time consuming and I found complaining constantly helped. There’s no heroes and the nurses are cheerful enough. Music and earphones if you can handle it or audiobooks. Whatever helps you pass the time.
im getting booster shot in the morning I get pneumonia from a cold and I’m also concerned about what they are now calling soon to be endemic.

🦄🦄🦄 unicorn shield of protection for you and ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ to keep you feeling cared for.

MC