Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear Hanna3~

I'm sure mmeKitty will not mind if I address you direct. I read your frustration at not being able to lend practical support, but are confined to writing.

If I'm simply pointing out what you already know all too well then my apologies, though maybe hearing it from another may reinforce.

Works on a page can have more effect, more power and can be more far-reaching than you might expect. It is true you cannot reach down and physically help someone else when they have fallen over, or cook a meal when someone is too dispirited to make one for themselves.

So you have to have different - maybe more subtle - aims. They may even have more fundamental benefits.

To provide a kind, understanding and safe place, to show care, to answer need and to give hope, maybe even a touch of humor if you are that way inclined, simply by being yourself are things that can make all the difference in the world.

I choose to be here, I have plenty of opportunity in my other pursuits to fill my time with verbal or face to face assistance, but believe here I, and everyone else that wishes to, can do something unique. so I spend as much time typing as I do elsewhere.

Your posts not only help those whom you address, but the vast majority of people who come here, and read but never post.

Again if I'm belaboring the obvious my apologies

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Hey Croix,

I don't mind you swivelling your iceberg to address Hanna, or anyone.

Your point is well made & well worth repeating, underlining, & making every heroic attempt neccessarty to indelibly mark on my brain;💎like diamond, it is. 😸

*

You are well aware of the most beneficial & useful of human faculties: imagination. It's possibly the sole reason I like the written book form best. The author cannot possibly write in every possible detail, so leves much up to the reader to imagine, filling in as many or few of the lanks as they like. The reader has to do a lot of the 'writing' themselves. 😺

mmMekitty

[Guest_1643]

Hi mmMkitty

Sorry they didn't or likely didn't host the event near u this year...that's a sad loss, but yes, definitely nice to try for next year.

I like that u were able to not judge the ppl taking the lollies.

i have seen some things over the years in wards and health care which I didn't always understand. Sometimes I had to let it go and accept we are all different.

I don't get Also why ppl take stuff like that... ut I hope it gives them some pleasure. Some ppl want more stuff, some ppl want less stuff. I'm constantly trying to get rid of stuff, I don't want things that don't speak to me around.

I didn't either get to attend that event this year, but it's a nice idea for the future.

Today I'm feeling pretty awful and trying to leave the house. That's a good enough goal. Hoping u have brightness and light today x

[mmMekitty]

Hi Sleepy,

Eepending on the weather, wear a hat, or take an unberella, a water bottle anyway, & when you come to somewhere to sit, take a few minutes, just be in the place where you are. Look around, listen, semll, touch the seat, or fence (I have neighbours up the road who has low brick fences & I often pause & sit on, mostly to get the kinks out of my back/hips/knees before moving on. I love listening to the birds, their sounds from all around making the space feel so wide & full of life. Not so much into cars & trucks, though. It would all be better if I didn't get anxious walking on my own & often in pain. I used to love walking, finding a park, or where a little creek was, things like that.

Take care,

& about the person taking all the things from the table, I just thought, maybe, they have a deeper, psychological need, perhaps they had never had much, or filling some great emptiness, I don't know, but surely one does not do that sort of thing for no reason. In that way, I let it go.

mmMekitty

[Guest_1643]

Hi mmmekity

I love being in nature just like u

It sounds like u have an adventurous spirit and enjoy outdoors

I went to a Cafe today , walked there and it was so good to move my body. I felt nice amongst the other ppl. Just observing. It has a better mindset for me than sitting alone at home, thanks for the push

[On The Road]

I like being both in nature and in the busy city centres.

just a corner for me to sit in, a bench or a stone in the park, a brick from the fences of neighbours or a chair around the corner in the city centre's busy cafe. I can observe leaves on the trees swaying with the wind, several cars occasionally passing by me on the quiet streets, or customers packed in the busy cafe talking about different businesses... the last one isn't what I'm pursuing at this point tho *cough cough*

[mmMekitty]

Hello On the Road,

Wonderful to see you here. Feel free to drop by anytime.

Even though you are not pursuing any business interest, it might still be interesting to eavesdrop a little to hear not only what people say, but how they say it. Mind you aren't obviously listening. Some people would take much offence to realise.

I would enjoy to get out & go walking, hopefully find birds to feed, on the way, to a place where I know it is comfortable, quiet & where I don't hear city sounds, nearly so much.

My anxiety & pain have taken much of the pleasantness out of the exercise. Being with one of my helpers helps with much of the anxiety. If she had training to be a sighted guide, my levels of anxiety would be lowered more.

Or, when we can, (when COVID allows), I ought to get some more training , with her, & someone to teach us both better techniques. I like the idea of having an instructor teaching us both at the same time. I hope we get a chance to do this, but I dare not imagine it would be within the next 6 months.

Something to think about for 2022

Makes me wonder if anyone has something they would like to work towards in 2022? You might like to consider: If COVID doesn't get in the way.

mmMekitty

[Mum Chris]

Hi mmMekitty

I was the Christmas grinch this year. No decorations and no Christmas presents. I abandoned ship and tried to avoid feelings or the memories and expectations that Christmas can bring. I put on a smile for the sake of others and I got my booster shot Christmas Eve and spent the night sweating and in pain. I couldn’t believe it no reaction to the first 2 but the third knocked me. I survived and I’m moderately sad which is a great improvement.

I like the sound of the community Christmas lunch it makes a lot of sense. I’d be very shy going in and I understand your neighbour not wanting to venture out. Fellow grinch

what a treasure taking you for your test that is awesome. My cleaner came today and sat and had a quick chat with me and whizzed around and cleaned up. She is coming every week while I’m off my feet. She is my favourite person

I was expecting family to come but the testing and border issues they can’t get here just now They will try again in feb

Is your sister going to visit you in hospital is that possible. I got a visit from work people and one friend came too. I was a bit groggy but it did feel good to see someone other than staff.

Tomorrow going to my gym for exercises while I’m not up and mobile. I’m not looking forward to it at all. I’m very fatigued and I am out of painkillers nearly so I am trying to conserve them.
I am on holidays but I did a little work today just to try and catch up.

MC

[mmMekitty]

Hi Mum Chris,

I won't write much now; I'm tired again. I was listening to a book, & even though the reader was sometimes shouty I went to sleep, for 3 hours. wBefore I wen to sleep, I was thinking I would phone my sis after 6pm, but not too late, just incase she was working, to wish her a Happy Birthday, but when I woke, I began getting something to eat, then some tele, & 2.5 hours later did I remember how I meant to phone her. Apparently, that's getting late for her, these days.

Now,not quite 10:30 & I want to sleep again. This is not like me.

I thought being 'Grinch this year was what you felt you needed. I'm hoping you'vefelt some benefits of giving yourself plenty of rest time, with no huge conflicts & noise. .

Keep in mind, as we get older, our bodies take longer to heal & recuperate from injury, so being patient & simply not rushing things is important.

Tomorrow,

Some gentle virtual hugs,

mmMekitty

[Guest_1643]

Hi mmmKitty,

Hope u slept well.

I'm marvelling at my own bodies ability to heal...gives me hope.

Having hurt my back recently but do feel better.

Hope u are doing ok 9ver this period, and finding some time to enjoy and relax in nature