Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Kitty..

What a beautiful Christmas gift 🎄🎁, you received today...A yummy Christmas lunch and an offer to take you for your COVID tests....

Gifts that come from the heart...is the best gift anyone can ever receive....the gift of giving ones time.....🎄❤️💚🌹🎁..

I don’t really have a favourite Christmas Song....My favourite songs are from long ago....Jingle bells, The first Noel, Oh, come all ye faithful...Santa Clause is coming to Town...just to name a few😂😂.

Enjoy the rest of your day dear friend..🎄❤️💚.

Hugs...Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

These are all the songs we had as children, & so, have known for most of our lives. I wonder, if like me, do you find you don't take to the new songs easily? I think it's about having no stored associations from childhood as with the old songs..

I do like the wintery songs, like Sleigh Bells, Winter Wonderland, Frosty the Snowman, Silver Bells Rudolf & Jingle Bells. Hehehe I like bells!

I hope you have a lovely evening, Grandy. You've been so warm, generous & gentle, truly an Angel on Earth . 😻

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty (wiht a wave to Grandy)~

I'm delighted your carer gave you food and most importantly offered to take you for your test. This is something privately I've been concerned about.

I have long experience with carers because of my freind, about 30 years worth. There are some for whom it is just a job between better things, some as an aid to getting into nursing, and a blessed few for whom it is a relationship, whether the carer goes fare beyond what they are contracted for.

It looks like you have one of the latter.

This means a lot, even to the extent of trying to put up wiht touching if an explanation does not do the trick.

As for songs I'd sing: I grew up in a C of E environment as my father was a clergyman. I guess The First Noel might be good as well as Silent Night, my favorite however will probably not strike a chord, it is the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah

Although I'm no longer religious the power of this piece can still be outstanding. While I can no longer sing it was my favorite as you younger person.

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Hi Croix

Glad you could drop in.😻

'Silent Night' is on my favourites list,for it's quiet gentleness, & the vocal challenge. I try to harmonise the parts I can't reach so much anymore. 🎶😸

I hope you've had a wonderful day of peace & happiness.

mmMekitty

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty

I'm so glad that lady has offered to take you to the test, what a relief for you and I'm glad someone has helped you!

That's the trouble with BB, we know someone needs a helping hand but can't do anything in real life so to speak - I can type on my phone here but can't physically help you in person. This is something I find hard here.

Happy Christmas to you and everyone here. I'm relieved to hear you got some help!

🙂🐕🐾💞🎄

[Guest_1643]

Hi mmmkitty, so lovely to find Ur thread! I like how u titled it...makes it easy to find u!

My heart goes out to u needing a test at this time of year. I work near a testing site and have seen such big queues recently it's daunting and hard. Good to have someone with u and what a kind offer.

These holiday periods are hard, and its beautiful to hear ur good news and warm stories.

I've been quite alone, but have tried to enjoy moments of joy as they present. Sometimes all I can I can is embrace and accept goodness into my life

[mmMekitty]

Hi Sleepy,

Great to see you here.😺

I realised sometimes we just have to make something for ourselves. My Xmas avatar is a picture I made two years ago, as one such effort. That's why I enjoy my "Crappiest Christmas Crap" Awards. That's why I try to get myself something & (when possible) find somewhere to go for lunch.

I've been thinking, how good it was to go to the community lunch, where I knew some, if not all of the people didn't have close family or friends & were lonely as I had felt that year. In this way, I felt I was there for their needs, too, & that made all the difference for me.

I didn't have any place to go this year, so I thought, I have at least, a virtual 'place' I can go. So I came here to BB. & it's been of great value to me, &I hope my presence hs been of some comfort & help to some people here.

I think, virtual presence can't really replace the lack of someone important in one's life, I mean, someone really, physically there. In the moment, though, I hope what we have here is of real benefit. I feel it is for me.

Lots of people give me a sense of a this being a populated place, like a feeling in my head, it's hard to explain...when I read posts, it's as if I hear actual voices of the people writing....not sure how accurately my mind represents everyone, but I just feel you all are more real for how my mind creates 'voices' from the text I'm reading.

I'm really curious if others get a similar sense.

Try to keep yourself safe. & thanks again. I feel kind of blown away by the kindness & generosity of the helpers I've found. 😻

mmMekitty

[Guest_1643]

Hi mmMekitty,

I read a nice post by Centaured suggesting ppl seek out st vinnies or salves, that they have communal,lunches. I didn't know but in future might try that,

Places like this are helpful to so many. I agree Ur virtual prescence is awesome and inspiring

I'm learning what u said, that we have to create for ourselves our own version of fun.

Not to say oh I wish ppl contacted me etc...but to either find fun activities or make contact ourselves. Just to pick up and keep going.

I think growing up in a bad family has made me have low standards, I don't expect fun, adventure or good to be a part of my life. I think I'll try plan my own fun....not wait for it.

Sending hugs to all

[mmMekitty]

Hi Sleepy

A couple years ago, I heard mentioned on the news about community Xmas lunch offered to anyone who wanted to go along & enjoy a meal with others , no questions asked. It may have been the Salvos, but the one I heard of was in Sydney. I discovered that the Salvos do something like that here in Brisbane, as does the Anglican Church. The place where the Anglican Church was to have theirs was easier for me to get to, so that's where I went.

Actually, that was 2018, now I think of it.

I tried to persuade my neighbour to come with me, using the lure of it all being free. But no good. I haven't figured out quite why, but he'd rather sit & complain about not meeting people, or having people to talk to, than come out & meet & talk to people, even for a lunch.

So I went anyway, even though I was nervous. That year I was feeling I just needed to get out of my flat, & that I also wanted to shake off some of my own misery. I achieved more than that, realising the people there, needed the company of others too. We were helping each other as well as helping ourselves. & there were possibly 150 people there (I asked). The volunteers that day were great, even giving one person some of the large prawns to tak e for the cats the person said they had. They accepted the person was being honest, & just gave the prawns. No questions raised. (except by someone else as the table I was at). Someone else took all the table ornaments & lollies. A couple began trying to argue with them, but their was a language barrier.

I sat back, & wondering why would someone feel a need to take all the tabel ornaments & all the lollies like that? & I had a sudden thought about it: for whatever reason, they needed to, & that was what was important. Besides, what harm was there? I felt no harm, no sense that I was being deprived or anything. The people arguing were more disturbing to me, if anything was.

Then they gave us all large bags of goodies, & I mentioned my neighbour,& they gave me another lunch & bag to take home to him.

So 2019, a few days after I'd fallen over at my PDr's place, I went again. There were some Xmas Carols, with a big screen, but I still couldn't read the words they put up, karaoke style.

But last year they didn't do it there, & the alternate location was further away. OUtdoors, though. This year, I thought, it's unlikely, I'd be going out, & so it was. When I'd phone they really were unsure they'd be doing a lunch this year anyway.

Next year?

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

I'm sorry the communal meal was not on, sad if not surprising in our new Covid environment. That level of kindness and trust is one of the best things one can be part of. I feel sad for your neighbor.

You were wondering how others perceive posts. For me, when I've only just read their post or two for hte first time it is text on page, though even there some idea of the person seeps though.

As I start to regularly 'talk' to someone then I no longer see the words -unless I go back and deliberately look for them - instead I feel I'm with them, their personality is unique, sometimes partly made up of their avatar, always made up of what they say and how they feel - plus my imagination too I guess.

It may be an extension of how I read fiction, there I assimilate a paragraph or page at a time leaving my imagination free to populate those of my imagination. Sometimes I prefer books and radio to movies for just that reason.

So in a way I guess I do 'hear' each individual person.

As you say with the meal - maybe next year, and if that is not practical by then I'd expect the charitable organizations will have thought up alternatives. Actually I suspect it might be the kindness and companionship rather than the food.

Croix