I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

The interview got submitted...really could have done better, but considering that I had a dream I was interviewing my mum (and boy was I good!) the night before we recorded...it'll do.

Got a P2 for one assignment...lots of people got them for that one though, and a Credit for another

Still counting down the days until this semester is OVER! Been struggling too much with everything...

[Music_Freak]

About to submit my last written assessment...only the exam to go now

I can't shake the feeling that I'll fail though

[Guest_1055]

You are doing really well Narelle. I admire you for sticking to all this study and doing your course

And yeah it's me

Shell 😊

[Music_Freak]

Wow...I haven't been here for a while again...

The uni semester has been over for a week or so and I'm still exhausted. Overall credit and P1 so far, I'll find out the other two grades on the 18th probably...as long as I passed.

Buddy has been sick too, so I've been stressing big time. Part of his heart is enlarged and kidney disease. Poor cat, I feel like I've failed him so incredibly badly. He's on daily medication for life now. I don't know how I'm going to afford it and yes, he hates me giving it to him with a passion and I hate doing it to him too.

[Music_Freak]

I passed my subjects, two P1's, a credit and a distinction...not that it really matters...

Buddy has multiple myeloma. He's responding well enough to vet treatments...only I won't be able to afford them when the coronavirus supplement ends in December. I guess it gives me a little more time with him and I can fit the mourning in with uni holidays - but it's not fair - he's only seven!!!!! I keep telling myself that I did all I could for him up until the supplement ends...but how can I accept it?!?!

I'm going to my sister's for tea tonight. I reached out to her, so we'll see...

Now I have to try and focus on uni work for a while, since I'm a week behind. I can't focus on anything, I'm barely out of bed

[Music_Freak]

Buddy's still with me. He seems to be doing OK...I wish I could say the same about me

[Birdy77]

Hey there MF,

I'm so sorry to hear you're not feeling too great right now ...

is there anything you'd like to talk about?

Or is just kind of everything?

I felt sad reading that Buddy isn't well.

It's good that he is responding to the treatment.

have you asked the vet if there is some kind of way you can continue with that after your supplememtary payments finish in December?

Definitely worth asking, as some medicines are obtainable at chemists for much cheaper ... just an idea.

i had a dog with complex issues and i was able to get medicine for him much cheaper through a pharmacy.

Hey, how did it go when you went over to your sister's place? That was really brave, reaching out to her. Are you glad you did it?

I hope you are ok.

birdy

[Music_Freak]

Hi Birdy,

It's everything...well, Buddy and uni...that's all I do really.

I cry every night after I give Buddy his meds and I don't really know why...after all, he's doing OK...he's still eating and alert, but still the tears come...

I'll be getting a prescription from the vet for $20 and going through a pet chemist, I think that works out cheaper...but it'll still be hard financially, but I can't let Buddy go when he's doing OK...I just can't.

Uni has been SO HARD to focus on!! I cut back to 2 subjects and 1 over summer and that's felt like Everest, but I got a credit for the one assessment I've submitted to far. The other one, I have until the 11th to finish (I've barely even started) and the 2 for the other subject are pass/fail.

And I go on my placement in Feb/March...oh my god...I'm not convinced I can even do it!!

I haven't even heard from my sister since early August when I was there, whatever...I've got so much more important stuff to worry about. I thought about texting, but I won't chase. I've always pretty much known I wasn't high in their priorities. I'll deal with Buddy alone, like everything else...

So yeah, I'm a mess...

[Sophie_M]

Hi Music_freak,

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us on the forums.  We are sorry to hear about your cat and hope he is okay and gets better soon, it sounds like he recieves so much love and affection from you which is the most important thing 🙂 University stress is very real and can be debilitating. It sounds like you know your limits and manage your subject load as best you can which is great. Placements can also be daunting given you are going into a completely new environment and doing someone you are new to but everyone has to start somewhere!

If you are interested, here is an article on our website with some tips for how to reduce stress which might be helpful for when you are studying or when you go on placement. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/reducing-stress    Good luck with everything!

[Sophie_M]

Hi Music_freak,

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us on the forums.  We are sorry to hear about your cat and hope he is okay and gets better soon, it sounds like he recieves so much love and affection from you which is the most important thing 🙂 University stress is very real and can be debilitating. It sounds like you know your limits and manage your subject load as best you can which is great. Placements can also be daunting given you are going into a completely new environment and doing someone you are new to but everyone has to start somewhere!

If you are interested, here is an article on our website with some tips for how to reduce stress which might be helpful for when you are studying or when you go on placement. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/reducing-stress    Good luck with everything!