I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Kazzl]

Hi Music, you sound really down hun. May I give you a cyber hug? And you know what? You are very much definitely by no means no way worthless. You are a kind and caring person - and there's no point trying to argue with me on that because I have seen you posting around the traps here and I know it to be a fact. Your post on my drinking thread meant a lot to me, thank you.

I'm sorry you miss your dear mum. I understand, I miss mine too. Grief doesn't have a time limit eh? Sometimes it just hits us years later. As for your dad's comment about her being bent, well, so what if she was? I'm bipolar too, and yes, sometimes I'm a bit bent (I prefer unhinged), that doesn't make us bad people. If anything we care too much. I bet she loved and cared for you more than you can know. Keep her in your heart, remember the good things, they never leave us.

You sound lonely hun. Do you have any interests outside the home? Something that can give you a different focus other than your family? What do you like to do, or what have you done i the past? Sometimes when we're down we forget that there is pleasure in the world, fun things. Or we lose interest in things we used to enjoy. Perhaps it's time to look for something? By your name I gather you're into music - so am I. I'd like to hear more about your musical interests.

I think it could be time to try your psych again - and perhaps tell them that their comment about your Instagram account was hurtful. I don't know the details of course but it sounds like it's a hobby. Maybe no different to running an account for a sport or any other hobby.

Hope you come back for a chat hun.

Very best wishes to you

Kaz

[Guest_5218]

Hi Narelle,

I am so sorry that you are feeling so low right now. I cant even offer you any useful advise, as I think our Kaz has covered the things I would have suggested in her reply.

But I would like to add that I have loved the interactions we have had when we've met on the Social Zone as well as on the Pet thread since you joined us relatively recently. You have become a very valued member of this community and you have helped many of us here, just by being there and simply being you. Dont ever let your illness deceive you into thinking that you're worthless. I'm only sorry that your family members have treated you in a way that seems to enforce this thinking in you. Its not true Narelle.

Perhaps you can go back to that thread and post another story about your Buddy? Plus its nice to read all the other stories there at the same time.

So although I am not able to offer constructive advice right now, I really just wanted to let you know that I support you and I care for you. I am here should you ever need someone to talk to.

I hope today will become better for you as the day wears on. Take comfort in having Buddy by your side, and your BB friends in your corner.

Kind thoughts and a big hug to you.

Sherie xx

[Guest_5218]

Oops, just checked my post and it doesnt quite make sense.

Para 3 above - The thread I am referring to is the Pet Thread in the Staying Well section. Sorry about that.

[Music_Freak]

Thank you so much Kaz and Sherie, your replies mean everything today. They bought tears to my eyes 🙂

I will try and take it easy today, and hopefully Buddy will curl up next to me in bed at some point. Yep, I'm staying in bed today, it's freezing and I'm not going out until tomorrow to get my phone fixed. I do miss my mum, I might have a little quiet cry today, get stuff out of my system for tomorrow

Yeah, the instagram account is a hobby, the person it's for follows it and comments every so often. I enjoy it 🙂 I've wanted to post about it, but I wonder how difficult that would be anonymity wise

I don't play any instruments or anything, just listen and enjoy it. A couple of bands are basically my life, since I don't have much else.

[Kazzl]

Hiya Narelle (what a pretty name), sounds like a good plan for today hun. The odd day in bed (doona day!) helps me when I'm down. I usually have my two little dogs with me - hope Buddy joins you.

I'd like to hear more about your favourite bands when you're ready.

Rest easy hun.

xx

[Music_Freak]

You probably haven't heard of them Kaz....Sixx:A.M. and Halestorm are the main two. I like True Violet too.

I met Halestorm when they came to Australia last year, they were awesome. Sixx:A.M. are meant to be coming to Australia one day. I was planning on seeing them with one of my friends (online, it's all I have), but I doubt that will happen now. I've just left the facebook group the friends run. They don't seem to care about me, since I've been left in the too hard/ignore pile...

Not sure what will happen now, they say they "need time" but I've had this happen before, too many times...

[Amanda 1956]

Hello in reply to your thread ,you are not playing the victim like a member of your family told you.you have a genuine illness that can't be seen but believe me it is there.

You are NOT worthless .you are a person who needs support not someone who should be invisible. Would they be quick to condemn you if you had cancer? If so I swear they are low.

I hope you get all the support from people who actually CARE about you

Please stay in touch and good luck xxxx Amanda

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

You have made a difference to people just being here. You are valued. I know you're feeling down right now and it's normal to miss your Mum. I miss mine everyday and more so when I feel down. I bet your Mum would have wanted you to keep positive and find hope.

What about looking into some online courses you may be interested in? Something new?

Do you have to keep living with your Dad? If he is being such a negative influence perhaps it is time to be independent of him. Perhaps he can go live with your sister?

Kind thoughts,

Carol

[Music_Freak]

It's live with my dad or alone, and without a job, alone is difficult...I always expected that I'd have a job at 36, but that seems extremely unlikely to ever happen. I never wanted to live my entire life on Centrelink benefits - that is no life!

It's just something else that makes me worthless...I can't even get a job - voluntary work is hard for me to get. I'm pathetic