I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Birdy77]

Dear MF,

So great to hear from you again!

I was thinking if you the other day, wondering how you were getting on and if you ended up going to the concerts.

What an amazing time you had! So great that you soent time with your friends as well. It sounds like it was a real boost., especially with the shout-out for your Instagram. Awesome!!

You've done so well with your uni results (and well done keeping up with the mantra!). 4 subjects is a lot, but just do one thing at a time and you will chip away at it. You have proved to yourself that you can get through even when you have thought/told yourself that you couldn't.

It's good you've found your way back here, especially if you're feeling yuck with these weird times we are all living in right now. It's nice to be reminded that we're all going through it together.

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Thank you both for your replies. It feels good to be back, I'm still not sure why I didn't post sooner...time just seemed to speed by. I'm feeling flat and stressed about getting assessments done, but I'm going to try and do as much as I can for something that's due on the 18th. It's not weighted very high, so I'm thinking something sufficient will do.

Study hasn't changed that much for me, it's just the on campus workshops that are now happening via zoom. I only used it for the first time a week ago, so it's been a learning experience.

Buddy is great, he's like my little study companion, he sits on the table next to me and I take him outside when I need a break. Sometimes he's a pain, sitting on books I'm trying to read or whatever, but I don't care. I usually take it as a sign that it's break time. He curls up next to me every night and gives me some purr therapy, before he starts snoring. I love having him close to me so much.

[Music_Freak]

Finished an assessment today, only an exam to go for that subject...

Only four assessments to go for this semester...it feels like Everest. Three written and one practical on zoom...the shortest written is 1,800 words, the other two are 2,700 words...I'm basically counting down the days to 30th of June, the day after the exam and the mid year holidays can start!

[smallwolf]

hi MF - from your last posts things sound like they are on the improve for you? Would that be a fair statement?

Well done on the HD also.

What are your plans for the holidays?

[Music_Freak]

Maybe on the up...I'm not sure. I'm still stressing like crazy about uni and living with everything else so maybe my focus has shifted. I'm back looking at real estate too, it's keeping me motivated to finish all these uni assessments!

No plans for the holidays, except for some home reno stuff I've had on permanent postpone, but that depends on the weather being OK, since it's in my backyard. I know I'll be trying to relax when the holidays roll around...

[smallwolf]

how about you tell me about some of the places you are looking at? (what are you looking for? features?)

And on Uni - every new subject I take is like starting from scratch. Just remember you have done the prep work in other subjects. I bet you are a wizard at writing assignments now.

[Music_Freak]

A wizard at writing assessments...not quite...I still can't get my brain around referencing! Thank god I have a referencing guide to refer back to - I'm ALWAYS referring back to it...still!

As for property...a new-ish build, so I don't have to worry about maintenance as much living alone. Probably a three bedroom because I have a 2 bed now and find it too small. A two way bathroom or 2 bath (cost will be a factor here I'm assuming...I haven't looked at how much I can borrow much, only a rough idea).

PROPERTY WANTS - INDOORS
NO TWO STOREY/STAIRS
SEPARATE LAUNDRY (WITH WINDOW & OUTSIDE ACCESS)
SEPARATE TOILET (WITH WINDOW)
TWO WAY BATHROOM/ENSUITE (WITH WINDOW)
BATH & WALK IN SHOWER - ROOM FOR SPA TUB
NO TOILET NEXT TO KITCHEN
DISHWASHER OR SPACE FOR ONE
WALL OVEN/GAS STOVE (WOK BURNER)
BUILT IN ROBES
CEILING FANS
AIR CON/HEATING
WIDE DOORWAYS/SLIDING DOORS TO UPGRADE
DEFINED INDOOR ENTRY WAY

PROPERTY WANTS - OUTDOORS
BRICK (NO PAINTING)
FLAT BLOCK/NO STEPS
NO ADJOINING WALLS
NO CREAM BRICK (RENTALS)
NO TRAFFIC/MAIN ROAD
ROOM FOR HILLS HOIST/2 CLOTHESLINES
GARAGE NOT CARPORT
RAINWATER TANK & GARDEN SHED
OUTDOOR AREA/VERANDAH
MINIMAL/NO LAWN
WINDOWS SUITABLE FOR ROLLER SHUTTERS
ROOM FOR PLANTS
OWN DRIVEWAY & LETTERBOX

This is the list I've come up with while looking at floor plans and photos. I don't know how much I'll stick to it, but it will give me a place to start. I know I'll probably have to compromise or deal with changes, I think everyone does who buys and established house. It's all just things to think about when I get to the inspecting stage - hopefully I get that far!

[Music_Freak]

Oh my god...I haven't felt this stressed and anxious about uni assessments in a while. I've got a whopper of a headache so won't be doing any today and that just makes everything worse. I'm about half way through a policy analysis on Newstart/Jobseeker payment, a little easy since I was on it for ages before uni...but that's it. Going nowhere with the others. I'm sure that's what causing the headache, I just hope it doesn't turn migraine

Will start again tomorrow...

[smallwolf]

I always found starting an assignment the hardest part. Once you get the ideas flowing you will be able to make some good progress. A headache would make it harder obviously.

Have you got all the information you need?

[Music_Freak]

For the main 1200 word key issues part I do, but not sure about the evaluation section. I'll look next week if I need. It's due on the 7th. Working on getting this recorded interview done first, that's due Sunday.

I'm totally ready to start pulling my hair out...