I always do things ass about

[velvetfaerie]

My first introduction thread after being here FOREVER..... because I always do things backwards...

Velvz. Bipolar.... type? Not sure. I walked out of the psychiatrists office the day he tried putting me on more meds. That was a decade ago.

Anxiety issues. OCD issues. Occasional SH concerns. Checkered history of substance abuse.

I manage for the most part by exercising, good healthy food and good sleep practices. Substances these days are 3 drinks maximum and I'm rat assed.

I work full time. Study part time. Bought my own house years ago. On my own. Ok the bank helped lol!!! Most days for me are 10-14 hours depending. That's work and study and house things and exercise.

At the moment I'm struggling because I believe I've burnt myself out and pushed myself into hypomania. I'm all over the shop. Been here before but no psychosis stuff. Woo.

Oh man I don't know what else to say. No kids. Love kids. But conscious decision not to have my own. Love men. But sadly I'm intolerant to relationships after a while. Moody 😁😁

Animals and music are my passions.

Yeh so..... **** awkward silence***

velvz.

[CMF]

I just read the start of your thread again. Back in September you were feeling this way.

Time to dig deep and re asses my friend. You've done this long enough.

i have a thread called 'lonely hearts club. Do we miss the person or the relationship!'

hugs

cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

Ok I’ll try to make sense. No sleep. Medicated. Crying still.

Had been together since September 2016.

Public post was for the sale of kids stuff on internet. Tables / chairs. In reply to an interested party “I’ll havd to talk to the missus, she gets home this afternoon and I fly back to work tomorrow.”

I’ve fired him a text asking what the deal was.

Kids always a priority. Agree.

Ex or whatever she is is controlling.

All I ever wanted my someone in my life. It seems hopeless.

[CMF]

Ok

IMO, I don't think the 'missus' thing' means much. i think it a lazy term men use. He probably didn't want to say ex wife because it wound like desperate to sell the stuff. He didn't say 'wife' so probably just letting the other person know he needs to ask someone and that wa the easiest way to put it. It's just a term men use for a woman, even unmarried men use it for their partners. i wouldn't stress about it but see what he says.

She is very controlling, she has issues I think. Only he can sort that out, whether he is willing to or not is up to him and will show his character.

'All I ever wanted my someone in my life. It seems hopeless.' I know this feeling very very well. It's not hopeless but it doesn't mean you have to settle for just anyone. It's easy for me to say all this as I am not the one hurting but I have been there and looking back and knowing how i felt at the time and how I feel now that i can see that my relationship was not right. We do get through thee things, it hurts like hell now but don't settle for crap just because you want someone in your life. Funnily enough, after what I went through and how much i fought to keep the relationship going, despite all the red flags, I have realised how much happier I am on my own compared to the crap i put up with. You need to be happy within ourselves before we can be happy with someone. Having a partner is not going to bring you the happiness you are looking for and it will not fill the empty space you feel you have in your life if he is the wrong one.

I hope you are getting some sleep, I hope the tears stop but if they don't it's ok, let them out, it is cleansing. You've kept all this in so long and put up with stuff, it needs to come out.

cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

🙂

Everything you said is dead right. I’m smiling. I was actually very happy and confident before this shamozzle the last 18 months.

I was at the gym this am with my gym buddies smiling through my tears. They help lift me up.

No sleep yet. Going to colour my hair.

Atm I’m angry. Angry at myself too.

CMF - you rock. ***hugs***

[CMF]

Smiling is GOOD. I'm glad you had your gym buddies to help you through as well.

Colour your hair - great- always a good pick me up. What color? Boring chocolate brown like me? Haha , i think not :-).

Be angry, get it out, but remember, you weren't to know and if you didn't try you wouldn't know. It is all about growth. You will grow from this. You now know what you will and will not tolerate from a relationship. I get angry with myself too but what's the point? We can only see what was really going on when we remove ourselves from the situation.

[velvetfaerie]

Black lol.

I’m so angry I meant so little to him.

[velvetfaerie]

I keep remembering Wednesday when he popped in. Mixed emotions.

Kisses me, looks into my eyes and told me he loved me. Was very authentic and sincere. Lovely really. I screw up my face at him and he cried. He must’ve realised at that moment I was gone.

Sorry to ramble. I’m not sure if I posted that yet. Still no sleep.

“The worst thing in life is not to end up all alone. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.“ Robin Williams. Amen.

[CMF]

You did post that. I remember.

Actions speak louder than words. His words may have been genuine and sincere but the actions need to match. We may not remember what people say, but we always remember how they made us feel.

I love that quote by Robin Williams - been there.

x

[velvetfaerie]

Until he emancipates himself from a situation that makes him miserable he too will never find some happiness.

he can’t even see friends. That’s terrible.

He was torn

im torn

im sure he is too

cant fix it

[CMF]

Not even being able to see friends too is awful.

sometimes we meet people at the wrong time. He needs to sort out his stuff, for sure. I wonder, what would she do if you did meet the kids? How old are they? Would you like to meet them?

the situation, the way it is now, is not good for you - or him. Ask yourself, if he sorted this crap out, and you were able to be around his kids and have a 'normal' relationship, is he the type of man you want to be with long term?

i think you've learnt a lot about yourself, you now know WHAT you want from a relationship, not just that you want 'someone' in your life. Someone could be anyone, you want the right one.

have you spoken with him, have you told him?