Domestic abuse

[monkey_magic]

He started out supportive,courageous,and huge hearted. We became intimate & that's when he's insecurities & past issues overcame him. I was yelled at,owned,controlled. He was jealous & used to scar me with his cutting words. I was hurt, suicidal & confused & genuinely fearful. How could a man that loved me change so rapidly & then change back? I was experiencing different ppl in one! I found him intimidating, aggressive & then homicidal & suicidal.... I needed to run for dear life,especially feeling like I could b killed. Mental illness also surfaced in the time we spent together. I was caught in the firing line. I went back one last time after his yelling demand of me coming to get my bike as it was in his way. I was out the front of his place looking at him through the curtains, he was in a bad way. I felt scared & thought I should leave. I went against my instinct. He opened the door ,I said I've come to get the bike & I'm leaving, it set him off!! I paced backwards towards my car. He was screaming,picked up my bike & threw it, screaming, puffed out his chest & stomped towards me with fists clenched. I wanted to run and go into the car but thought he'd probably smash the window so I stood there shocked staring into his eyes as he stomped towards me. Strangely he got right in my face fists still clenched then raised & started crying. He held onto me & wanted me to come inside with him. I was scared & just wanted to leave but went inside. There, he was consuming alcohol. I also had some & reached for one of his cigarettes but he didn't want me to have one. I had one anyway. It set him off again. He said u don't care & attempted suicide. I called the ambulance. I am glad to say I am no longer with this man. What turned into emotional abuse could have turned physical. I believed if I didn't stare into his eyes with all my strength as he stomped towards me, I might not b here today. There is no excuse for domestic abuse.

[monkey_magic]

I've been vomiting for a while....I drink it comes out, I eat it comes out....Been going on , on & off for mnths....

[monkey_magic]

Hey Sara,

Im good at being assertive, glad u learnt how at 34, my age....right now I just need to learn how to look after myself better & not carry so much as I've learnt it can cause stroke symptoms....

[Lonelydan]

Hope you're having some rest I had a very rough night last night. I know the pain your going through that helplessness that pain in your stomach The pain you feel when you've lost a loved one I understand Steph. This is maybe a little test to see if you've learnt to stay away from bad man. I know you're strong and you'll make it through this always here for you. Danny...

[monkey_magic]

Thanks for understanding Dan...I know I can do better than this hey....hope it gets easier for u xx

[Starwolf]

Dear Steph, it sounds like your self-diagnosis nailed it : I'm holding on to too much.

Your tired body seems to let you know what needs be done. There is more than fluid and food to be expelled. Temporary emptiness is healthier than being filled with poison.

Please remember that a time of crisis is often a turning point. It feels like your world is falling apart but in reality things are falling into place. It hurts like hell but sometimes this pain is necessary before healing can kick in.

Please take care.

[monkey_magic]

Thanku starwolf,

I fell apart...

Had another call today from mental health...I told her to back off and I don't want their help...they wanted to send ppl to the house...they r having a meeting about me...Im going to say if they don't back off I will go to the media about them....

[Simona]

Hello 🙂 poor Steph I'm thinking of you. I feel so sorry for you. Stay safe. You will be ok. Please don't panic.

[monkey_magic]

Simona,

The medical records about me and their notes r wrong ...

Im at the gym now training out my feelings...so I appear calmer. They absolutely wanted power and control over me in the past and whoever wrote those notes has a mental illness...

Last time they didn't let me out and my truthful lawyer couldn't get me out either. Those people were savage. They wanted me in for 3 mnths....a new psychiatrist took over and I was out in over two mnths.... Do they realize wat that does to a person??

[Simona]

It's good to hear you are safe. I have read you enjoy going to the gym : ) I have a very paranoid personality and I don't go to gyms. I just walk around town a lot.

I really hope everything gets sorted out for you and any misunderstandings are cleared up. Just remember to stay calm which I know is easier said than done. And best to avoid alcohol

I have a fat file about me too. I have always wondered what's in there. I call it "The Book About Me". When I'm pyschotic/unwell I think it should be burnt or filed under Fiction. The rest of the times I don't think about it at all.

Currently I feel really stable but that can change within hours

Do you have a mh team? I do. They speak for me when I'm unable to communicate properly. They are the reason why my stays in the mh are brief. I take the medication whether I believe in it or not and I'm discharged into their care and the care of my family who are educated about my illness.

My thoughts are really with you. I know it's scary but you got through last night. Does having your mum around help?

[Simona]

*I'm schizoaffective and have borderline personality disorder with psychotic features