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BeyondBlue Welcome, read this if it's your first time here !
  • replies: 0

Hey there! This section is where you can find many of the longer conversations that are happening on the Forums. It is a special place for people who have been sharing and supporting each other for years. We know that our mental health can be a journ... View more

Hey there! This section is where you can find many of the longer conversations that are happening on the Forums. It is a special place for people who have been sharing and supporting each other for years. We know that our mental health can be a journey with ups and downs. Take a look through these longer conversations and you can see how supportive, validating and kind this community can be. It can be tricky to join an ongoing conversation but please feel free to contribute. You are the expert in what has worked for you and what you are living with. We want to hear about it, and these wonderful discussions are only ever richer for what you can add. There are a few tips for this section of the Forums that might be helpful Have a good read. These are long and in-depth conversations so before you step in, have a read of a few posts to get a sense of the space. It is not a great spot for New Topics. Replies are very welcome, but if you want to start something fresh try another section of the Forums. Thanks for your understanding, we want to hear what you think of these conversations and look forward to your contributions. Thanks Beyond Blue

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Wednesday I'm not managing so well anymore
  • replies: 384

I am finding it harder and harder. I’m told I’m positive and resilient and maybe I have been. I’ve managed with the help of AD’s to get through. Now I am so ill I can hardly get out of bed. I spend too much time in hospitals and around doctors. Yeste... View more

I am finding it harder and harder. I’m told I’m positive and resilient and maybe I have been. I’ve managed with the help of AD’s to get through. Now I am so ill I can hardly get out of bed. I spend too much time in hospitals and around doctors. Yesterday I saw a public hospital doctor that seemed to take delight in making me feel like a nuisance. He smiled and made smart jokes with his junior doctor at my expense. He didn’t listen he was so horrible and rude. Too many health issues, too many medications and too many doctors. I have such a little quality of life. While not suicidal now, I am incredibly sad and can’t see a way out of this. The medications I take for auto immune disease have destroyed and made unrecoverable my immune system. I knew this when I agreed to take them, but I didn’t realise that it would mean I would always have some sort of infection, like last week’s pneumonia. Of course antibiotics are no longer useful and I can’t develop any new immunity. A trip to a coffee shop can send me back to hospital. My friends and children are lovely but dispersed and not close by. I don’t say a lot because well it’s bloody boring and I’m sure it is more than they all need to know about. There is nothing anyone can do. They try with their suggestions of a new exercise or superfood, this dosen't help. They don't listen, it's too complicated so I don't bother explaining. I get comments like oh yes xx had pneumonia and they are really well now. that's great for xx. Or if you follow this exercise routine your blah will get better. If only I could get to the gym I would be there twice a week. Or take magnesium etc, yep I know all this. I know they are flailing around and trying to help but it feels like they are out of their depth and just saying things that aren't helpful. I don't stop them or try to explain anymore. Over the phone they can't see me so its easy. My partner is away and to self involved when he is here to understand what I am going through. I’ve been so independent all of my life from when I was a child. I don’t know how to manage this, how do I get a life? I’ve tried joining classes but I end up getting ill and not being able to attend. Maybe this really is as good as it gets and all the doctors and medicines in the world are not going to make me well. I guess that is the outcome that I need to come to terms with. I've always believed in quality over quantity. I’m sorry, I just needed to get this out.

monkey_magic Domestic abuse
  • replies: 106

He started out supportive,courageous,and huge hearted. We became intimate & that's when he's insecurities & past issues overcame him. I was yelled at,owned,controlled. He was jealous & used to scar me with his cutting words. I was hurt, suicidal & co... View more

He started out supportive,courageous,and huge hearted. We became intimate & that's when he's insecurities & past issues overcame him. I was yelled at,owned,controlled. He was jealous & used to scar me with his cutting words. I was hurt, suicidal & confused & genuinely fearful. How could a man that loved me change so rapidly & then change back? I was experiencing different ppl in one! I found him intimidating, aggressive & then homicidal & suicidal.... I needed to run for dear life,especially feeling like I could b killed. Mental illness also surfaced in the time we spent together. I was caught in the firing line. I went back one last time after his yelling demand of me coming to get my bike as it was in his way. I was out the front of his place looking at him through the curtains, he was in a bad way. I felt scared & thought I should leave. I went against my instinct. He opened the door ,I said I've come to get the bike & I'm leaving, it set him off!! I paced backwards towards my car. He was screaming,picked up my bike & threw it, screaming, puffed out his chest & stomped towards me with fists clenched. I wanted to run and go into the car but thought he'd probably smash the window so I stood there shocked staring into his eyes as he stomped towards me. Strangely he got right in my face fists still clenched then raised & started crying. He held onto me & wanted me to come inside with him. I was scared & just wanted to leave but went inside. There, he was consuming alcohol. I also had some & reached for one of his cigarettes but he didn't want me to have one. I had one anyway. It set him off again. He said u don't care & attempted suicide. I called the ambulance. I am glad to say I am no longer with this man. What turned into emotional abuse could have turned physical. I believed if I didn't stare into his eyes with all my strength as he stomped towards me, I might not b here today. There is no excuse for domestic abuse.

Lost_Girl Chronic tension headache diagnosis and long term management
  • replies: 1044

Hi I suffer from chronic pain. I have a bone shard impacting a nerve root at c8 being treated with cortisone. I have pain at c5 and c6 that is manageable without anything. However I have a constant headache and pressure in my ears that I have had for... View more

Hi I suffer from chronic pain. I have a bone shard impacting a nerve root at c8 being treated with cortisone. I have pain at c5 and c6 that is manageable without anything. However I have a constant headache and pressure in my ears that I have had for pretty much every waking moment for the last 7 months. As a result I have become depressed and I have insomnia. After a trip to a neurologist I have been advised to cease sleeping medication and strong pain killers. I am now only on antidepressants. A visit to my psychologist today has alerted me that depression does not cause headaches. Has anyone been treated for chronic pain with ONLY antidepressants and did it work? I havr a referral now to a psychiatrist to check but it not until May. While I see if I can find something earlier I sm keen to hear if this has worked for anyone. Thanks, Carol

BenignSky I Don't Even Know Anymore...
  • replies: 151

Hey, guys, I've been drifting around in the social sector of Beyond Blue but decided to post on here. The title really says it all. I'm unsure of everything and anything. My name is Emily (or Em or any other nickname you wanna call me) and I'm fiftee... View more

Hey, guys, I've been drifting around in the social sector of Beyond Blue but decided to post on here. The title really says it all. I'm unsure of everything and anything. My name is Emily (or Em or any other nickname you wanna call me) and I'm fifteen years old, yes I'm still a baby. I don't really know what's going on with me, but I can tell you, I've been through a lot. From bullying, body image issues, sexual assault twice, friendship issues, online issues, relationship issues, losing loved ones, random and so few panic attacks, self harm and what I can only describe as an eating disorder yet not professionally diagnosed - I've had a good share of what life has to offer. My issue, at the moment, is this. My friend (A) was dating this girl (B). B, had been lying about some serious issues, a lot of which I've had experience with. It is believed that B isn't telling the truth and for good reason, but there must be a reason for the lies - right? Anyway, A and B broke up a few weeks ago and A made this group chat online with my friendship group for support because he was all over the place. Anyway, basically it turned into a place to plan attacks on his ex girlfriend. I'm not like that. So, me being me, went and said something to a teacher because I can't let something like that happen. Like, yeah, she did something horrible but at the same time, she doesn't deserve to get treated like that. Word has gotten back to my friends that I told the teachers and now I'm about to lose everyone so today is fun. I get it was a bad move on my half, and pretty disloyal to my friends, but my morals will always win. And bloody hell, now random people are messaging me and I've made a right mess of myself. And I'm gonna lose everyone that I care about and I'm gonna be alone again and I'm frustrating more and more people. I'm awesome at relationships, did I mention that? Seriously, all my friends are avoiding me now. Why do I do this to myself, argh... And this is one of the many reasons I hate myself. It's taking me so long to write this post because I'm dealing with it as we speak. There's so much more I wanted to say on here but my life has just been consumed by this...dark cloud known as social media and loneliness. I went against my parent's advice by bringing this up with my teachers when I should've just left it but I didn't want to be involved and I can't let bullying happen, especially when I know B isn't coping. Why do I do this to myself?

Karen71 Everything is so hard
  • replies: 138

I was am a student tafe. I put all assignments in. I completed all work. i had problems with one assignment whick shook me. Mental health assignment . I cried itried i tried to tell the teacher it was to close to my own life story. She dosent like me... View more

I was am a student tafe. I put all assignments in. I completed all work. i had problems with one assignment whick shook me. Mental health assignment . I cried itried i tried to tell the teacher it was to close to my own life story. She dosent like me so shrugged my attempt off. I failed my test in the last week. 18mnths for nothing. They dont care that im torn apart. 4 wrong on acute means to bad to sad. I tried so very hard.pateints loved me. Teachers not. My first test was 1 week after abdominal surgery my sevond the same week that i learnt my son was needing a op to save his sight.his 8.with aspergus. I tried so veryhard.i studied till 2 am most nights because i couldnt when kids were awake. All day its tantrums.all night its study. I have always suffered from depression and ptsd. I sucked it up took the bull by the horns and did my best. I alwayfail.idont belong. It sucks.im tied im defeated.im so alone. I hate life peole are mean. No im not in danger im simply done. Why are people so mean.why do they lie and alienate.why dont i be long. My teacher simply felt i shouldnt pass. What is that. Just because i make a complaint they make my life hell. My life is already full of stress i didnt need them to add to it. Im shattered. Ive creid for 4 weeks now.the skin around my eyes is starting to blister. Why are eople so cruel. My son cant play with other children. He has to stay 1 meter away from all kids at school. Seriously why dont people realise the pooain they give to others. Im sohurt.so very sad. I want to give up but i cabt because of the kids. Im sostied.i dont likwe this world its mean and nasty.is

Moonstruck "Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?
  • replies: 192

I have a tendency to "over think" things (I hope you know what I mean by that) which can spiral into obsessive thoughts and imagining worst outcomes etc. Just lately I have noticed myself perhaps going a step further when thinking over someone else's... View more

I have a tendency to "over think" things (I hope you know what I mean by that) which can spiral into obsessive thoughts and imagining worst outcomes etc. Just lately I have noticed myself perhaps going a step further when thinking over someone else's actions and/or words - assuming it is a direct personal assault on "me" . I dwell over and over on what they said, the tone of voice used, creating a scenario as to why they did or said a certain thing, what they could be "leading up to" or "covering up" something I need to know. I get more and more anxious as I "imagine" what will be next to happen - (it is always negative and scary). sometimes I imagine the conversations they "could" be having about me behind my back. sometimes I feel like contacting him/her to have them explain if anything is wrong, and if I misconstrued anything -to reassure me all is OK. But I am too scared to do so, in case it makes things worse, in case they are embarrassed and try to avoid me in the future. . Hardly anyone knows I have such an anxiety problem at all - so I don't want to come across as a "mental case".....(LOL) Is this sounding a bit paranoid to you? How can I stop imagining the worst possible scenario of events that "might" happen...it's seems so real to me even though I am making it up in my head.

Guest_322 Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it
  • replies: 100

Hi, The title basically says it all. I'm something of a sad sack (have been for most of my life). Some people's trauma seems to come out predominantly as PTSD. Not me, mine seems to show itself as a constant state of blues instead (either that or I'm... View more

Hi, The title basically says it all. I'm something of a sad sack (have been for most of my life). Some people's trauma seems to come out predominantly as PTSD. Not me, mine seems to show itself as a constant state of blues instead (either that or I'm turning into my mum). I kind of just want to stay in bed all day. Luckily I'm usually good at dragging my arse of of bed. Not sure if this thread serves any purpose other than looking for fellow sad sacks- I say this affectionately as I am one of them- who can empathise? Also, anyone who has had a traumatic childhood but without PTSD? Dottie x

Belthizor UPDATED: Dealing with my partner's anxiety. Just want to talk
  • replies: 175

Hi all, I'm new here, my name is Sheldon and basically I just want to talk to others about how to deal with my partner's anxiety. For the past couple of months, she has been having anxiety-related issues, but only very recently have these issues inte... View more

Hi all, I'm new here, my name is Sheldon and basically I just want to talk to others about how to deal with my partner's anxiety. For the past couple of months, she has been having anxiety-related issues, but only very recently have these issues intensified. In the past two days we have been to the ED twice, Seen the Doctor twice and been to see her psychologist. The attacks are getting worse, and I am really worried for her. She has even been having suicidal thoughts. This of course worries me even more, but I feel that I have to stay strong for her sake. I love her very dearly and it just breaks my heart to see her so upset. She's crying, has involuntary hand movements, feeling nauseous and has even physically thrown up. She has recently been prescribed a benzodiazaprene and tomorrow we will be going to the doctors to review her current anti-depressant medication. I love her with all my heart and I don't ever want to lose her. While we are doing everything we can to address these issues, it's still hard - especially for me, and I would love someone to talk to who has been through this, or even just someone willing to bend an ear but not judge. This girl is my whole world and without her... I don't know what I'd do. Thanks for listening, I know I rambled on a bit, but I do that.

james1 I don't know what to say
  • replies: 252

Hello everyone,I don't really know what to say.I'm not looking for advice, I'm just looking for a place to say something/anything.You may have read some of my other posts, but the summary of me is: 24 years old, suffered from depression a few times i... View more

Hello everyone,I don't really know what to say.I'm not looking for advice, I'm just looking for a place to say something/anything.You may have read some of my other posts, but the summary of me is: 24 years old, suffered from depression a few times in my life, suicidal thoughts each time, currently dealing with a relationship breakdown two months ago and symptoms of borderline personality disorder, and the depression and anxiety's come back as a result.I don't know what keeps tripping me up but I constantly land back at the bottom of this mountain.I've been writing poems, here's one because I don't know what else to say. I hope it's not too dark. Steady drumsHe cowers among shadows in a sacred hall,Beneath the gaze of saints gone by,Who condemn his long unrelenting fallInto cold black dreams where his demons fly.Day brings back the spindly clawsOf imps that crawl from beneath his bed;they hook like leeches into all his flawsand drink through fangs until they are fed.Gorging and gurgling - the demons grow boldAnd spin bloody chambers around his heartWhich beats like a drum dressed in gold,Sold to the devil who will never depart.The chambers burst and hellhounds are looseThey rage inside and reek abuse.The drums beat louder and echo in his headThey rupture his veins until he is bled.He is only a man with a dying light,A candle which burns yet flickers with fight,“What more do you want?” he cries aloud,“Your hope; your dreams.” The man is cowed.And yet while the flame can still flicker,And his lips still quiver, gasping for life,The drums will beat no slower, no quicker,Until he is safe from this strife.