UPDATED: Dealing with my partner's anxiety. Just want to talk

[Belthizor]

Hi all, I'm new here, my name is Sheldon and basically I just want to talk to others about how to deal with my partner's anxiety. For the past couple of months, she has been having anxiety-related issues, but only very recently have these issues intensified. In the past two days we have been to the ED twice, Seen the Doctor twice and been to see her psychologist. The attacks are getting worse, and I am really worried for her. She has even been having suicidal thoughts. This of course worries me even more, but I feel that I have to stay strong for her sake. I love her very dearly and it just breaks my heart to see her so upset. She's crying, has involuntary hand movements, feeling nauseous and has even physically thrown up. She has recently been prescribed a benzodiazaprene and tomorrow we will be going to the doctors to review her current anti-depressant medication. I love her with all my heart and I don't ever want to lose her. While we are doing everything we can to address these issues, it's still hard - especially for me, and I would love someone to talk to who has been through this, or even just someone willing to bend an ear but not judge. This girl is my whole world and without her... I don't know what I'd do.

 Thanks for listening, I know I rambled on a bit, but I do that.

[trustlife]

Hi Belthizor,

Thanks for your post. No! You are not rambling on. I can see your concern and love for her so don't have any concerns about expressing your feelings. What does the doctor and psychologist say? Any reason you can think of that would spark the attacks to be worse? I'd wonder if she's on the right medication. I'm not a doctor so I'll leave that with you to question.

It's good that she's seeking professional help but maybe there's a few things you can do together to create the perfect healing environment. Why don't you arrange to see the psychologist on your own (with her blessing I must stress) and between the 2 of you plan how best you can cope and agree the best strategy for her. I know he/she can't openly discuss your partners case with you but these people are usually clever enough to listen and understand your concern. If it borders on client confidentiality they can just refer you to a colleague. Either way you start to get the support you need.

She needs your strength and understanding. You need your strength and understanding. Time now to start a resolve in your mind that she's going to get better. Stop your own worry freight train. In terms of what would you do without her, - it's not a question you need to consider. Be there for her (and I can see you are) and hold her hand as you both break through this.

[blondguy]

Hi Sheldon and thankyou for posting

I am sorry to hear about your partners recent set back....Just cutting to the chase...Could I ask you if there has been any reason for this setback? Usually there are trigger(s) for the symptoms your partner is experiencing.

You are a loving kind hearted person Sheldon and being her partner please remember to Care For the Carer..You!

Whether a chat to your partners psychologist, or even your own GP will bring you relief which will only give you the additional strength and coping mechanisms you so deserve so much right now.

I am not a health professional Sheldon and this is only my experience. I have had identical symptoms to your partner and it they do lessen in severity and frequency. The benzos are a very common and extremely effective tool considering the symptoms you describe.

The psychologist may take time to book in with and see....If you have a GP that you are comfortable with please make an appointment just have talk to her/him.....nothing to lose and everything to gain.

We are here for you Sheldon on any matter...I admire and respect you for just 'being there' for your partner

Kindest Wishes

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hi guys!

Thanks for your responses. Currently, when we go to the psychologist, I go in with my partner (upon her request). She finds it very helpful to have a third party perspective.

As for what is triggering the anxiety attacks... we honestly have no idea. One minute she'll be fine, and then the next, she's in full blown anxiety attack.

 We have a GP appointment this afternoon to review her anti-depressants. We think it's probably time for a change of medication as she has been on these ones for quite a while.

We also have a psychologist's appointment on Saturday. Hopefully all this will help and we can get these anxiety attacks under control.

[blondguy]

Hey Sheldon

You are a wonderful and inspirational couple. I admire you both for your progress. Even by seeking help your partner is healing as we speak...

Anxiety does lessen in severity and frequency over time....yes it does

Here if you wish to let us know how you and your partner are going....thankyou for your response Sheldon

Kindly Yours 🙂

Paul

[Kathryne]

Hi Sheldon,

It's wonderful , that you are there and providing support for your partner. One thought I had was medication! Has all medications been disclosed to GP as interactions between medications may cause symptoms described .

 Even what some people don't consider medication , ie herbal supplements, fish oil, not that I am stating that is the cause , however sometimes herbals often get overlooked and can result in reactions in some people.

You also need to care for yourself , to allow you to care for your partner.

Anxiety is hard to find a quick cure it can be trial and error at the start , hang in there.

Have you thought of a pet to stroke and calm, added benefit

Wishing you all the best

Kathryne

[PatT]

Hi Belthzior,

Much like the other posters have suggested, I think it would be wise for you to speak to somebody to ensure your own mental health is sound. You're obviously experiencing some emotional pain of your own as a result of your partner's anxiety and I get that you want to help her but you won't be able to if you end up in the same state as her. Take some time to speak to somebody professionally about how you can manage your own concerns as well as alleviate hers. Also, continue to ask questions and get involved in conversations on these forums. There are many good things to be learned throughout the threads.

[Belthizor]

Hi Kathryne,

Yes all medicationsh have been disclosed both to the hospital and to our GP. They all know what she is taking and how much.

As for pets, I don't think that would help her much. We have two dogs and two cats (one of whom is thoroughly enjoying a belly scritch).

As we speak, she started having another anxiety attack. She managed to deal with it, but it's still not fully 'dealt' with. It took some time of quiet thinking, then "talking to" her mum (I.e. talking through me as she didn't want to talk about for fear of bringing on another anxiety attack). After that she got angry at her own brain (an improvement). She then asked me to give her head a whack (as in, 'bad brain!') But mimed it. I did so, she asked me to hit it harder so I whacked it harder which hurt, reduced her to laughter and we then had a brief 'silly' fight and she seems to be doing better now.

Oh and don't worry, I was a carer for a time so I know to care for myself as well.

[Graceeeeee]

Hello Belthizor!

Welcome to the forum! It's such a wonderful thing for you to do to just try and be there for your partner! I've been through depression and am battling anxiety, and I know how much it means when someone is just being there for you, it means an infinite amount, more than you can imagine 🙂

I think Paul has great suggestions about going to see a GP, and have you discussed with her psychologist that her current medication seems to be not working as well as before? I think professional help would be really really helpful to her. And in the mean while, I think that you should give her time 🙂 I know you are being so so nice and trying so hard to make her feel better already, but I know how sometimes people won't necessarily completely understand what someone's going through when they're having anxiety. It's painful, it's scary, and sometimes when I'm anxious it'd make me feel a lot better if someone just hugs me and tells me "look, I know it's hard what you're going through, but believe me, you are going to get so much better in time". But Sheldon, remember that it takes different ways for different people to get better or calm down, so don't get frustrated if simply being there for your partner isn't enough for her 🙂

I know some great mindfulness websites and apps (it's basically like meditation), one is called Smiley Mind, and I've been using it for the past few days, it's really helpful when I'm feeling a bit distressed or just zoned out, I think if you suggest her to try it it might help her out too 🙂 It only takes about 5-7 minutes everyday, to listen to one of the recorded programs in the app.

And I wish all the best to you and your partner, you both show true strength, it is hard for both going through anxiety and watching someone you deeply love getting so hurt, but I am definitely sure that in time everything will get better! 🙂

With Love,

Grace xx

[Carmela]

Hi Belthizor, you have received some great advice already from the Beyondblue posters but I just wanted to say what an absolute champion you are for standing by your partner. It takes courage and patience and you have all that plus more. 

It seems many options and possibilities have been covered in the responses to your post, but can l ask if you have looked at complimentary therapies like Reiki? I know it sounds a little weird and one has to have an open mind, but my husband responds very positively to this therapy. It gives him peace and calm and l have noticed over a period of time and with medication and counselling, that he has been better able to control his mood swings etc. It is just a thought and you may wish to investigate it further. 

I wish you all the best and don't forget a hug and 'I love you' go a long way.

Carmela