UPDATED: Dealing with my partner's anxiety. Just want to talk

[Belthizor]

Hi all, I'm new here, my name is Sheldon and basically I just want to talk to others about how to deal with my partner's anxiety. For the past couple of months, she has been having anxiety-related issues, but only very recently have these issues intensified. In the past two days we have been to the ED twice, Seen the Doctor twice and been to see her psychologist. The attacks are getting worse, and I am really worried for her. She has even been having suicidal thoughts. This of course worries me even more, but I feel that I have to stay strong for her sake. I love her very dearly and it just breaks my heart to see her so upset. She's crying, has involuntary hand movements, feeling nauseous and has even physically thrown up. She has recently been prescribed a benzodiazaprene and tomorrow we will be going to the doctors to review her current anti-depressant medication. I love her with all my heart and I don't ever want to lose her. While we are doing everything we can to address these issues, it's still hard - especially for me, and I would love someone to talk to who has been through this, or even just someone willing to bend an ear but not judge. This girl is my whole world and without her... I don't know what I'd do.

 Thanks for listening, I know I rambled on a bit, but I do that.

[Belthizor]

Hi Grace and Carmala,

The main problem I face is that often my gf doesn't even want to talk about anxiety for fear of aggravating the attack. So, getting her to use one of those sites/apps might be difficult, but I think I will definitely look into Smiley Mind for myself. 

As for Reiki, well she's not really all that into the alternative treatments, I won't go into too much detail, but suffice it to say, she's not keen.

Sticking by her is the least I can do - she's been there for me through most of my own illness (Ulcerative Colitis. I say most, and that's because I met her sometime after my first operation and by extension, diagnosis). This is the girl of my dreams and I love her more than anything.

Today has been... rocky, but my gf has done really well. She's only had relatively minor attacks, today! Her mum has been a lifesaver (We live with her parents)..

We went to the doctor's today to see if we could change her anti-depressants. Unfortunately, to do that, she would have to do a washout first (a period of time reducing the dosage of her current medication before switching to a different one), but she is going to get a 291 assessment (or something) from a psychiatrist. We'll see what they have to say.

Anyway, I'll prob write more tomorrow. Got a sleep study tonight and it's very difficult to type with this thing-a-majig on my finger, lol

Thank you all for your responses and I look forward to reading more 🙂

[Graceeeeee]

Hi Dear Sheldon!

You are such an inspiration for doing this for your partner, what a true legend you are! 🙂 I can see how it can be a bit hard if she is reluctant to look into other alternative treatments or meditation websites, but slowly slowly I think she'll be more willing to go into this further and deeper, because only when I knew what was going on with myself I was able to be open to healing.

So in the spirit of that, I think what would be really helpful is if she knows and learns more about her anxiety, for this information you could simply just read on Beyondblue, or otherwise there would be tones of information if you just search on Google too, there are also some books to read, I'm happy to go through some of other members' old posts for you if you think she'd be up for that, although they were books about OCD (which is primarily caused by anxiety), I think for me and the other members on this forum too, just getting to know what's going on in our heads and how it works really helps a great deal.

And I can understand why she might be reluctant to go through all this and and to other alternatives, because the stigma that comes with it, it is really hard sometimes and you'd just feel really shameful, I think you could try and tell her that it's OK to have anxiety attacks and it's OK to have your brain making you feel down at times, because that's what we do, we are humans, we get sick, both physically and emotionally, and it's really just about opening up to that, forgiving yourself, and telling yourself that you're worth to get better. I see that sometimes people think they are bad, that they are guilty, and that's why they think they don't deserve to go through the treatments, and sometimes they feel ashamed. If you think those might be the reasons why your partner is going through a hard time too, tell her that it's OK, it's normal, go a little more gentle on herself and love herself, because she deserves all that and she will get better in time 🙂

(soz this won't fit anymore, the next post follows this one 🙂 )

[Graceeeeee]

If these methods don't work please be patient too 🙂 Try constantly reminding her how good a person she is, when she was there for you when you needed her 🙂 You don't have to say it all the time, but maybe through actions if she can see that she is a person worthy of true appreciation, she'll feel a lot better and go easier on herself <3Hopefully these suggestions will help you and your partner get through this, you two are both such strong people!! My love and thoughts will be with you, and whenever you need help we will always be here with you, with no judgement, just 100% love and support!! 😄 Take care Sheldon, and hope your partner well too!! <3With Love,Grace xx

[blondguy]

Hi Sheldon

Just saying hello..You already being a carer is such a bonus!

And congrats to your GF and to yourself Sheldon for being such a ROCK! ...Yes you both are..:-)

(Actually I stand corrected Sheldon.....Your GF's mum is a living legend.....nice one mum :-))

Anxiety is like a rollercoaster and you will have ups....and downs.

Monitoring this daily is fine.....please make sure you don't 'fight' or 'control' the anxiety.....it can be counter productive....If your partner has a broken leg....virus.....flu....bad toothache....there is no point in 'fighting' it.

Just treat it as you would a physical issue....there is no difference...it takes chemicals and hormones in the brain to enable the anxiety related feelings in the first place. Your partner will heal in time....

I also see that Grace has been here too....She speaks from the heart...

Here for both of you Sheldon....

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hi Grace,

It's not that she doesn't want to try and help herself, it's just that she's not open to the "mystical" side of treatment. 

Yesterday was actually really good for my gf. She only had minor anxiety and was able to overcome them with time and support. She only took one pill and is aiming to not take any today if possible. I hugged her and told her I was really proud of her. She said it was very hard, but I think the fact that she had a relatively good day was some solace to her

[Belthizor]

Hi Paul,

I used to be an actual carer for someone else but am not anymore. I must admit that due to my own mental issue (asbergers) I don't cope too well with major emotional experiences, hence the reaching out via beyondblue but I am working towards improving that.

Today has been pretty good so far, my Gf has only had one very minor anxiety attack and was able to overcome it relatively easily. Here's hoping the rest of th day is as easy

[Graceeeeee]

Hi dear Sheldon!!

My apologies for the last post, I copied and pasted the second bit so it came out like that, it wasn't supposed to have the equal signs and quotation marks. 😛 But anyways, how has your day been my dear friend? How has your partner been today? It's good to hear that she had a good day today, and you say that she isn't up to the "mystical" side of the treatment, are there any other alternatives you think she'd be up too? Anyways, it's really really good to hear that you're there to support her and encourage her when she tried to stay strong, I think your effort will really heap her and will be really appreciated 🙂 Keep doing what you're doing, and seeing a psychologist and getting an assessment will definitely help too!

And hey dear Paul, nice to see you here!! You're just there for everyone, what a beautiful inspiration you are 🙂 Thank you for the compliment, you are always so nice to me and I do really really appreciate it, so happy having you as a friend 🙂

And to the both of you, my love and thoughts are with you, hope you have a fantastic evening!!

With Love,

Grace xxx

[blondguy]

Good Morning Sheldon and Thankyou Grace x

Always great to hear good news Sheldon...One minor panic moment...Your partner has great backing.

I am ignorant on Asbergers..... having difficulty in coping with major emotional experiences. I have zero knowledge on asbergers...I might read up on that. 

Your posts have already helped others that dont have the strength to post Sheldon...It would be great to catch up..:-)

Kind Thoughts...nice work!

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hi Guys!

Yesterday we only had a few minor anxiety attacks, but they were relatively easy to overcome. My gf spent a good portion of the early evening with her mum which helped her a lot. We went out just down to the shops and were able to stay there for a little while before feelings of unease started to set in, so we had to head off home, but I am confident that in time and with proper help, that'll be easy to overcome.

Today she had only one very minor anxiety attack, and a couple of instances of feeling uneasy, but both easy to manage (she's starting to get the hang of breathing techniques and mind diversion, which is good).

Yesterday and so far today, my gf has managed to go without benzos which is great! And she even wrote a large Facebook post to all her friends letting them know exactly what has been happening since she first started getting anxiety attacks.

 I anticipate that tomorrow will be hard, however, as my gf has an appointment with her psychiatrist, but we shall see. Her mum and I will be there also to help her if need be.

As for my asberger's, Paul - it can be different for everyone, and for me, it manifests itself in the form of a lack of social skills... I tend to be somewhat detached and find I'm not easily able to engage in many social norms such as carrying out a conversation and dealing with high emotional situations. It doesn't bother me too much and I am working on improving my social skills.

Anywho, that's all for me. Hope you are all well and I'll let you know how tomorrow goes!

Cheers,

Sheldon

[Belthizor]

Update: my Gf had a moderate anxiety attack and I wasn't really able to help out. What apps can you recommend that would be best able to help? And what do they do? E.g. Smiling Mind is a meditation app