Domestic abuse

monkey_magic · ‎22-01-2017

He started out supportive,courageous,and huge hearted. We became intimate & that's when he's insecurities & past issues overcame him. I was yelled at,owned,controlled. He was jealous & used to scar me with his cutting words. I was hurt, suicidal & confused & genuinely fearful. How could a man that loved me change so rapidly & then change back? I was experiencing different ppl in one! I found him intimidating, aggressive & then homicidal & suicidal.... I needed to run for dear life,especially feeling like I could b killed. Mental illness also surfaced in the time we spent together. I was caught in the firing line. I went back one last time after his yelling demand of me coming to get my bike as it was in his way. I was out the front of his place looking at him through the curtains, he was in a bad way. I felt scared & thought I should leave. I went against my instinct. He opened the door ,I said I've come to get the bike & I'm leaving, it set him off!! I paced backwards towards my car. He was screaming,picked up my bike & threw it, screaming, puffed out his chest & stomped towards me with fists clenched. I wanted to run and go into the car but thought he'd probably smash the window so I stood there shocked staring into his eyes as he stomped towards me. Strangely he got right in my face fists still clenched then raised & started crying. He held onto me & wanted me to come inside with him. I was scared & just wanted to leave but went inside. There, he was consuming alcohol. I also had some & reached for one of his cigarettes but he didn't want me to have one. I had one anyway. It set him off again. He said u don't care & attempted suicide. I called the ambulance. I am glad to say I am no longer with this man. What turned into emotional abuse could have turned physical. I believed if I didn't stare into his eyes with all my strength as he stomped towards me, I might not b here today. There is no excuse for domestic abuse.

Robbie_A · ‎20-10-2017

Hi monkey_magic,

Thank you for sharing that on the post because I'm sure alot of people can relate to that,yes what a horrible situation to be in and anyone to be in,but this hear is a serious issue and happens in some many households in a daily.

I can see he had so many underlying issues of mental health and probly alot of hidden issues and insecurities deep inside which I hope he is getting help for also,because know one should feel like that and especily put someone through that.

This is a big topic for me as I had grown up around domestic violence and physical abuse my whole life,and it was the impact of my mental health,which then turned to drug use, I am now in my 30s and finally getting the help and support I've needed for some long,and seeing the sun on the otherside of the mountain,its only early days for me but its a journey I am commited too so I can stay alive..

I know am so much more present in life and around family and lived ones,i now have the tools to except things that might make me feel anxious and fearful.. And all I do is take it a day at a time..

Thanks again for bring this to the forum to allow people to see that there not alone,

I hope you are seeking help to get you through this trauma which you experienced,as now living without this fear and bad energy..

Best wishes

Robbie

monkey_magic · ‎20-10-2017

Thankyou for your reply Robbie A, I am really happy for you. I like that you are seeing the sun on the other side of the mountain, excellent!

It's tough isn't it? I cried a little today and feeling anxious. I know I'll get past it though.

Im no longer in fear of him, but I can be scared other times I'm happy I know him... I've kept him at a distance, doing what works for me as I need to be mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically healthy!

Its tough growing up around abuse, I did as well.

Again really happy for you and thankyou for the post.

monkey_magic · ‎04-11-2017

"He" the ex love, ex abuser,ex caring guy keeps calling every couple days but I don't answer. I'll then receive a text saying hope you're well. I wasn't well because of him. Funny how they have no recognition of what their words/actions cause, they do the damage/ hurt and then ask if you're well. Id think he'd be that humiliated he wouldn't contact me again. I guess people with narcisstic tendencies don't understand or they brush over what they do. Even not answering calls doesn't give them the message. I feel stronger and empowered with every phone call I don't answer from him. There was a time I used to cry over him...better fish in this big sea....

loouuiiee · ‎04-11-2017

The truth of this post as I read it sank fast and heavy to the pit of my stomach and straight to the core of my soul. I have been in a very similar situation with an ex boyfriend of mine. After years of his abusive behavior towards me he actually made the decision to leave me and I put this down to the fact towards the end I found the strength inside myself to look him deep in the eyes when he was hurting me, to fight back and to stop obeying his every command.

It was only once I found my strength that he realised he cannot control me and he left. You are a fighter and a survivor. Your words echo this and promote strength for all who suffer from abuse. Don't second guess yourself or feel unnecessary guilt or remorse. I consider you a role model and to be your very own personal hero. You're strong and smart and inspirational! Hats off to you; a truly courageous soul!

monkey_magic · ‎04-11-2017

Loouuiiee,

Your words r inspirational and spoken from a place of understanding so thankyou. I especially liked; "to be your very own personal hero" because I think we can mispace who the hero actually is in abusive relationships.

I'm so glad you found your strength, that's inspirational. I found my strength saved me too.

Hindsight is our very best friend in these situations. When life gets better without the abuser they look small, but in the abusive relationship they are large and hard to get away from, hard to stop loving...

Even after parting from him I kept in contact because of "love" because there was also a love element as well as an abusive one. Love can be a " trap" in these situations and is the love really worth the pain when u can find love without pain? I think the scales will fall to deficit in abusive relationships. They leave you depleted, and who would want to sign up for a relationship that robs you of your life force, your energy, that you need, that will save you?

"He realized he could not control me and he left" - very well done. You used your strength and his purpose was unfulfilled and he left, well done!!!

loouuiiee · ‎05-11-2017

Thankyou 🙂

i agree with you completely about the love aspect of it and how complicated it makes things. I fought with all my inner strength for my rights and to try and get him to treat me the way a man should rightfully treat their partner but I never wanted it to end. When he left me I was devastated. I called my biological father (the only member of my family I am sort of close with) in hysterics screaming out in pain that I have nothing to live for now that he's gone and that he was my whole life, without him I am nothing. My dad told me to stop it, that I am talking nonsense, that I always deserved better, that it's a heaven sent that he has chosen to walk out of my life. I did not see things that way a thing the time and was overwhelmed with greif at loosing him, loosing the life we had together, must mostly because I had lost myself and without him telling me what to do every second of the day I honestly had NO IDEA what I was doing. I was so used to being his puppet and him pulling all the strings I was so confused it felt like a rug had been pulled out from under my feet if fallen flat on my face and I could not get back up. I continued doing all the ridiculous demands my ex had forced upon me for a while in hopes maybe he would come back ... but after a while I realized I had fought for my rights and that is why he left me, why was I torturing myself and following his rules when I no longer needed to? I WAS FREE and I wasn't even able to enjoy it?!

i stopped doing all the things/following the rules he used to force upon me and began the road to rediscovering myself.

When I stopped following all the rules he forced upon me I started actually having a good time! slowly slowly I regained confidence and self esteem and I'm now proud of myself and anyone else who stands up for themelseves.

monkey_magic · ‎06-11-2017

I'm so happy to hear that you are now having a good time. You've taken those steps and broken through his disempowering patterns that once had a hold of you which is something to be proud of! I went through something similar growing up. It's a satisfying achievement when you see the light and find your own strength, it's empowering and you want to pass on the lesson to others.

When you don't know any better you don't do any better until you " see" it. I bet you wouldn't let anyone trap you into that " pattern" again huh especially now that you've broken through- congrats as it's such a good feeling to lift yourself to that higher ground. Satisfying and good to feel that way. You can now listen to your own voice and forge your own way through life!!!