Domestic abuse

[monkey_magic]

He started out supportive,courageous,and huge hearted. We became intimate & that's when he's insecurities & past issues overcame him. I was yelled at,owned,controlled. He was jealous & used to scar me with his cutting words. I was hurt, suicidal & confused & genuinely fearful. How could a man that loved me change so rapidly & then change back? I was experiencing different ppl in one! I found him intimidating, aggressive & then homicidal & suicidal.... I needed to run for dear life,especially feeling like I could b killed. Mental illness also surfaced in the time we spent together. I was caught in the firing line. I went back one last time after his yelling demand of me coming to get my bike as it was in his way. I was out the front of his place looking at him through the curtains, he was in a bad way. I felt scared & thought I should leave. I went against my instinct. He opened the door ,I said I've come to get the bike & I'm leaving, it set him off!! I paced backwards towards my car. He was screaming,picked up my bike & threw it, screaming, puffed out his chest & stomped towards me with fists clenched. I wanted to run and go into the car but thought he'd probably smash the window so I stood there shocked staring into his eyes as he stomped towards me. Strangely he got right in my face fists still clenched then raised & started crying. He held onto me & wanted me to come inside with him. I was scared & just wanted to leave but went inside. There, he was consuming alcohol. I also had some & reached for one of his cigarettes but he didn't want me to have one. I had one anyway. It set him off again. He said u don't care & attempted suicide. I called the ambulance. I am glad to say I am no longer with this man. What turned into emotional abuse could have turned physical. I believed if I didn't stare into his eyes with all my strength as he stomped towards me, I might not b here today. There is no excuse for domestic abuse.

[Lonelydan]

Hello miss Stephanie, first of all I want to say how very proud I am of you. Even though I don't know you I can tell you're one strong tough girl. You're a survivor not many people would make it through what you have been through. I'm glad to read that you're back at your mothers and this seems to be working out for the time being. If you did read my post about the loss of my friend you will understand A little about me. I to come from a violent family background and horrifying abuse The worst happen if you know what I mean. Steph I think you're lucky that you got away from him and that you didn't have children to him and see how the abuse pattern just repeats it self and abuse only attracts abuse it's so sad to say but it's the truth abuse only attracts abuse. You can read all the forums by the women on here who come from childhood abuse childhood sexual abuse they all find themselves monster partners it's so common. And it's not your fault you are not to blame we are all products of our environment. I've learnt to stay away from love for the time being as I'm not strong enough physically or emotionally to cope with the emotional needs of someone else. I've had full custody of my sister's child since she was nine months old so I was a parent overnight at the age of 21 there isn't anything I wouldn't do for that child I would crawl through a tunnel of shit for the child as a matter of fact I have any parent worth their weight would do the same. Take this time at your mothers to rest up a bit but also soon start looking for another job it's very important I want you to start putting yourself first only thinking of yourself there's nothing wrong with being selfish. Lonelydan...

[Neil_1]

Hi tearingmetopieces,

It’s great that you’ve received a couple of great responses to your initial post.

I’m so pleased to read that you messaged that you are safe for the moment. However, that was a day ago, so I just hope that things are still ‘going ok’ for you at the moment.

As I said, it’s great that you’ve been able to come here and post, but speaking to a responsible adult about this horrible behaviour by your mother I think is a must. I hope that you may have a teacher at school who you feel comfortable enough with to talk too … or perhaps the school counsellor?

To be made to feel so scared in your own family home is just so wrong and awful … I do hope that you’re able to get back to us to let us know how you’re going?

Neil

[monkey_magic]

Hi beestrong,

I love your beyond blue title because when you no beestrong the world seems to wanna have the upper hand & walk all over you/us...

I think they blame us because they r insecure.

Im glad he's your ex because he didn't deserve you.

A good man is sorry for his poor behaviour & then changes it which it sounds like he didn't do for you unfortunately.

Hyperthyroidism could be a cause but aggressive/abusive behaviour towards someone else is still unacceptable.

If someone is diminishing your self esteem/self worth, is making u scared, cry,feel small,weak etc. there is something wrong with them.

Bee strong I think you had a lucky escape.

Thers r good,gentle,warm hearted men out there & they would make a better choice.

You learn from your lessons in life.

Hope you find someone amazing.

You were never alone. So many people have experienced the same thing. Keep beeing strong beeautiful.

[monkey_magic]

Hi Dan,

Your right in so many ways. I also think u attract wats in your subconscious mind. Its important to clear things.

What u have been through is so unfortunate. You're the surviver.

Its a cruel,horrible, sick dark world for some of us but the beauty lies within making it better for ourselves hey & there r always positives in negatives for eg relating to someone that's been through it & helping each other.

Some of us r thrust into darkness & then it becomes a journey of searching for the light again.

Getting through as much as we possibly can & finding ways of doing that.

A guy that I was seeing passed away so I understand going through a death of someone- he touched my life.

I think these things can make us more spiritual- correct me if I'm wrong.

Sorry you've had to go through so much in your life,I truelly hope u keep on keeping on.

You're able to benefit others by those experiences.

Youre a good support & thankyou so much for the post & your compliments.

You r one tough cookie yourself x

[Croix]

Dear Steph~

You gave some great encouragement elsewhere.

I took the liberty of quoting one of your lines to another poster who I thought would benefit.

Hope you don't mind.

Croix

[monkey_magic]

If it helps someone go 4 it Croix.

The abusive man's high entitlement leads him to have unfair & unreasonable expectations so that the relationship revolves around his demands.

His attitude is: "you owe me". For each ounce he gives,he wants a pound in return. He wants his partner to devote herself fully to catering to him,even if it means that her own needs - or her children's get neglected.

You can pour all your energy into keeping your partner content, but if he has this mind-set,he'll never be satisfied for long. And he will keep feeling that you are controlling him,because he doesn't believe you should set any limits on his conduct or insist that he meet his responsibilities.

[monkey_magic]

When a person gets hurt again & again:

Some ppl tend to dominate others. They r scared of losing control over their life & life of others around them.

Failing to know any other real way of handling the situation, they abuse,make u feel inferior.

A way to deal with it is be strong & know your worth. Settle it down peacefully or just leave negativity & move on.

Luck & hope x

[monkey_magic]

I allowed someone to throw so much shit at me and take things out on me....hurt me, cheat & lie to me.

I haven't seen him physically and he wants to meet up.

I think I'm ready to cut him from my life....

[Croix]

Dear Steph~

Allow me to throw some of your words back at you:

A way to deal with it is be strong & know your worth

You are indeed strong now! - I can't see any way you being compliant or letting him just walk on you.

It may be slow at times but you are getting your life together, I too think you are ready

Croix

[monkey_magic]

I'm crying because we were close....he did a lot for me...& we had a strong bond....I'm crying a lot....I hate this....we've had a few pH convos....I'm angry at myself...anyhow have to let the love we shared go....have to let it go