Domestic abuse

[monkey_magic]

He started out supportive,courageous,and huge hearted. We became intimate & that's when he's insecurities & past issues overcame him. I was yelled at,owned,controlled. He was jealous & used to scar me with his cutting words. I was hurt, suicidal & confused & genuinely fearful. How could a man that loved me change so rapidly & then change back? I was experiencing different ppl in one! I found him intimidating, aggressive & then homicidal & suicidal.... I needed to run for dear life,especially feeling like I could b killed. Mental illness also surfaced in the time we spent together. I was caught in the firing line. I went back one last time after his yelling demand of me coming to get my bike as it was in his way. I was out the front of his place looking at him through the curtains, he was in a bad way. I felt scared & thought I should leave. I went against my instinct. He opened the door ,I said I've come to get the bike & I'm leaving, it set him off!! I paced backwards towards my car. He was screaming,picked up my bike & threw it, screaming, puffed out his chest & stomped towards me with fists clenched. I wanted to run and go into the car but thought he'd probably smash the window so I stood there shocked staring into his eyes as he stomped towards me. Strangely he got right in my face fists still clenched then raised & started crying. He held onto me & wanted me to come inside with him. I was scared & just wanted to leave but went inside. There, he was consuming alcohol. I also had some & reached for one of his cigarettes but he didn't want me to have one. I had one anyway. It set him off again. He said u don't care & attempted suicide. I called the ambulance. I am glad to say I am no longer with this man. What turned into emotional abuse could have turned physical. I believed if I didn't stare into his eyes with all my strength as he stomped towards me, I might not b here today. There is no excuse for domestic abuse.

[Guest_9809]

Steph, you most assuredly have my greatest respect and admiration. And I think I envy you as well, because you have done what I cannot seem able to do, to make that necessary break. You have my support, for what its worth.

Taurus xx

[monkey_magic]

Taurus,

Thankyou,

Plus,I wouldn't doubt yourself. You have achieved a lot by sharing ur story. U have more knowledge now- knowledge is power & then comes acceptance. As you can c powerful woman on here & men r joining forces to help one another & open one anothers eyes to create change in their life and in someone else's life. When u have a lot of support you can achieve great things.

Theres a lot of good info on pinkroses thread I think in the relationship section... Her two threads r titled feeling trapped & desperate then next thread I left my abusive relationship. She did this because of how much support she received from the ppl here. Its a must read.

U understand what he's doing to u bcas u "feel" it ...u r aware..

Of course I want u to safely leave one day. I want u to feel strong,safe,secure & happy. I'd encourage everyone to walk away from abuse.

I was child born into an abusive home.

My mum is now a completely different woman after walking away.

Ive walked on eggshells a lot & I've seen abuse & its effects on others & have first hand experience & knowledge.... ( today I'm in a shell) I never used to live in a shell. & I've never been so broken & damaged.... Its going to take me a while to overcome all & Taurus I don't wish this on other's. Its heartbreaking. Strong competent woman lose their self esteem becoming shadows of their former selves....its gutwrenching....after abuse u take it all in...you experience so many different & uncomfortable emotions....its bloody hard walking away but so worth it....they break you down so much. But once u leave u can never go back...its the most dangerous time leaving & they want to either abuse u further or suck up, say they've changed bla bla bullshit.....u only have one life & in it have the power of choosing your idealic life.

Many many many woman leave & re- coup & regroup....& you have the choice to b one...u also have the choice to stay....

Whatever happens I reach out my hand to you...just know I can hold ur hand & we can step away...

U can choose this today...in a week, in a month,in a year...

Taurus, u have always been free to leave xox my love & care to you.

[monkey_magic]

Ahggrrr..

Just filled a whole page on my safe house experiences then my pH dropped out & lost it all.

[Croix]

Dear Steph~

Frustrating!! I don't know if you can do this but I try to write in notes (or its equivalent) and copy/paste into the bb edit box. Been caught umpteen times before I started to do this. With my memory it was pretty hard to remember all I'd written down before it disappeared - so could not always say exactly the same things again.

Croix

[Neil_1]

To Steph and the other beautiful ladies who have experienced this trauma,

I’ve been reading (I would think like so many) and following this thread.

I have never experienced or come across any such horrible situation as what has been described here, but I just want to say that you all are amazing people, with what you’ve been through and continue to live through.

I don’t have much to add other than to say that to have the strength and courage to be able to come out and speak about this is just phenomenal on your behalf. And Steph, those stats that you provided, they just left me gobsmacked !

Kind regards and love and I just wish there was a better way I could provide support to you all.

Neil

[monkey_magic]

Hi Neil,

Love your character pic.... Thankyou so much for your post....I appreciate your words.

[tearingmetopieces]

Hey guys,

i kinda just want some people's advice, I'm 15 yrs old and my mum and I have the worst relationship. It started off just like any other teen and her mum but got progressively worse. She yells at me at least once a day, often for things I didn't do at all. She calls me worthless and says her life would be better off without me. She makes me scared in my own home and feel like crap. This past week it's been the worst it's been ever.

I stayed home from school on Wednesday last week (i have depression and I couldn't face going that day) and she flipped it at me. She hasn't spoken to me for about a week and if she does speak it's to scream something like what are you doing u worthless piece of shit.

today, I was sitting on a bed that didn't have sheets on (so just the mattress) it's in the spare bedroom of our house upstairs. My sister came up and said get off the bed mum said and I replied with "whatever" (I've been really upset at her). My sister went and told my mum who then came storming up the stairs. I jumped off the bed and she started going ballistic. No matter how much she yells, she is never violent with me except for now. I was doing my homework on the bed and had a heap of folders, my pencil case, laptop, iPad, a couple of books and a case. She picked up the items one by one and hurled them across the room at me. They hurt at the time but haven't left any permanent damage. I was shaking from being scared and I just sat in the corner and cried for two hours. She came back up later and I hid in the corner of the room. She found me and continued screaming. She picked up a pile of coathangers and threw them at me while making me pick up my stuff and being told I'm a dickhead and worth nothing. I've never been more scared in my life and was shaking like crazy. I'm now in my room hiding still I'm so scared what she might do.

I guess my question is do you think it's emotional and physical abuse even if the items she threw didn't leave permanent damage? And for those who are concerned I'm safe for now xx

[Sophie_M]

Hi tearingmetopieces, thanks for posting and for letting us know you are safe for the moment.

What you're describing in your post is abuse, and we would encourage you to seek help at the earliest opportunity: speak with a trusted adult such as a teacher, family friend or a police officer.  You can also speak with Child Protection Services to discuss your home situation (the number is 13 12 78).  1800 RESPECT is another number you can call that will be able to offer you support.

Having some safety planning in place to set boundaries with your mum would also be a good idea.  Using clear language such as "stop right now, it is not okay to yell at me like this or throw things at me".  And please call 000 for emergency services to attend if you ever feel in danger again.

Welcome to our forums tearingmetopieces, we hope you will find some good support and understanding here.

[monkey_magic]

Hey girl.

Abuse is a scary thing to go through & I just want you to know that your mums behaviour is not your fault. Its not fair for you to be called names and to be scared in your home. Your mum needs to learn to control herself as its not acceptable.

You could say you are hurting me & scaring me mum", I don't believe I deserve to be treated like this & you need to stop or I will call the police.

Hope your OK & know you're not alone and can get help 🙂

[beestrong]

Dear Steph, your post sounds so much like my ex partner. Especially when you say he was 2 different people and that he switched from charm to rage..I wonder if he had the same problem as my ex which was hyperthyroidism. This condition causes aggression especially if stimulated by substances, especially alcohol. I knew he had this condition but didnt know the symptoms until I googled it..it described him perfectly and i was horrified,especially the definition of mania and the fact that they think there is nothing wrong with their behaviour. Some could say that if he was sick well its forgivable but when he exhibited this behaviour to his family he was sorry. He was never sorry to me and infact blamed me for his problems. Emotional abuse can be swept under the carpet but i know its one of the worst forms of abuse. Thanks for the post 🙂 i don't feel so alone now.