Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

I'm glad you'd like that 🤗

I know we're different as in I talk a lot but don't say much because mainly I haven't had the trauna like most people here you included (my pains different with hard bits) there's a point to this but on saying that recently I've felt an unload saying how I'm feeling. How to explain cause I've done that a fair bit too. Like you just said your thoughts are all messed up which is the pits eh.

You wisely suggested to me that may help sift through your thoughts by writing just a word or sentence even. Sometimes I feel I can't even post but want to reply or communicate some of how I feel and not in the 6th sense of automatic writing but I find it rolls from there.

This depends on how much you want to say but what about pick one feeling or thought and talk about that (you're call) eg I imagine you're having ruminating thoughts or if they're too hard atm, maybe that you can are or can't cry or you're feeling like you can't escape or don't want/can't do anything, down on yourself more etc. It's a start then you may/not want to expand on it but could read back another time in a clearer head.

Are you getting much sleep. Maybe lay down for a while with your Insight timer or? Or some music and listen to the one instrument throughout the song.

Grandy dear friend it's awful you suffering so much 🤗

If we're lucky all your different birdies will come while we're out there if not how bout remembering them because they give you pleasure it should give you a pleasant break from pain.

Or a squiz at our fantasy and esp your thread awesome posts there.

Or I could shut it now and tell you how much I love you and you are whether you believe or not going to get through this.

I'm going to sleep now darlin, so tired then today or tomoz really hook into card. Had a few calls today.

I'm trying to work out quickest way to BV. cause tablet doesn't have it top R) so I ended up doing a search. Other times I go from emails. There's a couple more but want to not swamp myself. PC it's on the top R).

CuL8r (little brain teaser for distraction)

🤝💑💜👀👂🏻🌹

[Ggrand]

Deebi, and all.

I am fighting an incredible urge to run away from myself, my past, my life, my future I don't want it, any of it any more, Not only has he stirred the horrid memories of those 3 years but now beasty is slamming me with everything that it can think of to bring me down further. This hurt has gone so very deep and its really scaring me.

Trying very hard Deebi to pull up.

Grandy....

[Guest8901]

I feel your distress Grandy, and I am so very sorry. I wonder can you speak to someone right now? Live preferably - perhaps your mental health nurse, your GP or even your psychiatrist? I wont suggest your psychologist as I think that would be counter productive right now. Alternatively can you call one of the help lines ... even if its just to talk about how you feel, and why? I hate hearing how low you have become, and I am really concerned for you. And yet, it is very natural for this call from your brother, out of the blue, to stir up so many memories and intense hurt. But Grandy we cannot have you going down any further than you are already ... please continue to try your best to pull up. And do whatever it takes to find ways to help you do that. If that includes talking here about some aspects of your past or current hurt, then please post about anything which you feel the need to talk about. Please give yourself as much love, care and devotion as you would to your good (and concerned) friends here.

👀👂🏻 🤝💑 🌹

Amanda 💜

[Lee lee 73]

Our dear Grandy,

I agree with Demonblaster and Amanda in that it maybe helpful for you to write stuff down. Write a letter to your brother (with no intention of sending it of course) telling him exactly what you're thinking and feeling. Don't hold back, write down whatever comes to your head. Then tear it up and throw it in the bin. It's a way of getting it out of your system - for now anyway.

This following is not for now, but for maybe when you do feel like doing so - it is a link to a 'thought journal'. It allows us to capture an event, describe what our thoughts and feelings are and rates the intensity of our feelings. I understand everything is sooooooo overwhelming my lovely, so just remember it is here if and when you feel up to it checking it out. Absolutely noooooo pressure at all lovely lady. I don't know if what I'm doing is the right thing but I love and care for you deeply Grandy, too much to NOT tell you. The thing is with the thought journal, you can think about giving it you your MH nurse or psych - to be heard!!

thinking of you Grandy..... hugs and kisses and flowers and peace....

You are beautiful, we can get through this, you deserve happiness lovely lady.

Lee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Go to the Centre for Clinical Intervention WA (gov site), then select 'Resources' from the tabs at the top, then select depression, then worksheets depression, then thought diary1.

[demonblaster]

Grandy RUOK? Truth please are you thinking of harming yourself or worse.

As Mandy said can you talk to someone on your MH team in the mean time please Grandy you said Suicice call back are really good please ring them, if you can't talk tell them that love they'd know how to encourage you or comfort you.

I hope you were able to contact your MHN. If not how bout tomorrow sweetheart.

OH Grandy 🤗 I know this deep pain so well for different reasons. Grandy are you eating anything, drinking water.

Don't know if you do but this might help do you talk out loud at home maybe talk about your thoughts. Grandy I'm worried about you please promise me you won't do anything to hurt yourself. What you've been and going through no one should ever have to!

Darling this is too much for you alone it's hard but you need release please ring

Suicide call back 1300659467 they can do counselling with the same one too for a few sessions

Lifeline 131114

Here 1300 224636

? Your grounding box darling.

If it's too hard here but you are doing well in bits how bout jot on paper or in notes to get the pain out. We know how it is having it locked in.

Can you ramp up some music and sing with it really loud, might sound yeah right atm but grandy it's another out and there's distance from the next house so no one will hear

Any chance you feel up to talking to Betty? Or how bout your brother

Grandy I'm so very sorry for your pain and life 🤗

You now have better people in it from here and in rl.

Love you very much Grandy please be ok. We're in this together we need eachother please get the help you can.

I/we believe in you

Love you Grandy you can get through this I know you can 💑💜🐶🐕

[demonblaster]

Post held up hun.

You did really well expressing before

Grandy try when you breathe in slowly fill your lungs then blow hard out

Do this a few times it worked for me on a few occasions keep going but don't get dizzy

Grandy I can feel it. Darling you're stronger now than you were then, you've proven your considerable strength by being not only the incredible lady you are but that you're a survivor and here now

Honey believe in yourself, don't let first thoughts take over you can pull up from this strong hold. I know you're trying and it must be devastating but please trust yourself and us that you will get through. You have before darling.

💑💜 I'm with you 🤗🤝 love you

Hi Mandy darling 🤗

[demonblaster]

Hey darl 🤗

Just head around corner to see how you are.

I'll take furs quietly for outside break, stay asleep, our little other softy furs can find their own way so they're right.

Kiss on forehead pulling blankys up.

Whispering you're going to get through.

When and if you're up to it maybe you could tell us some more bits or if too painful atm how bout what the days doing. Sun or no. Mumjo. Birds. Windy

What can you hear and see

Grandy what can I do for you

Love sweety 💑💜🤝👀👂🏻

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy,

You’re hurting so much, our beautiful, caring and loving friend...if I could just gently sit down next to you, put my arms around you and give you a comforting hug.

You sound so worn out and exhausted...here, rest your head on my shoulder...

Like lovely Mandy, DB, Lee and everyone else, I don’t feel we can have you spiralling down any further so please reach out and consider one of their very loving suggestions...

We all love you here.

Your precious fur babies love you too.

The birds flock to you because they love your gentle nature...

You are loved.

(More) comforting hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

I promise

[demonblaster]

Thank you sweet lady
I've researched a little about C-PTSD and will more on everything in time including re reading and more that I haven't read in Sez's thread.

Hun PTSD depression & anxiety can be managed and I know someone who speaks of PTSD in past tense so assuming same for C-ptsd. Hope. It's a relatively new diagnosis I read on a site recommended from someone here.
Ahh darlin hope you got some sleep.
If you're up to it would love to know if you're...

1. Little better
2. .Same
3. .Worse

If easier you could just do a number.

I'd happily do the dishes from breaky hope you enjoyed it but thought if you're up to it would you like to do them because you can feel the warm water and soapy bubbles. Everything nice and clean but not much hope of me drying them, pet yuk job but since we're at yours if you prefer them dried rather than drip dry, natures tea towel .. head down.. spose I'd do it for you only because I love respect and care so much about you floss.

Darling Grandy I know how incredibly hard it is to pick that phone up but unless you're getting some release of your pain do you think you could ring someone. Remember lovey they don't know you and certainly wouldn't judge. They care and will listen

? Did you see your mental health nurse (MHN) the other day. Yes/No is ok we'll know what that's referring to.

Since it's sunny how bout I take your hand and we sit on the veranda again all snuggled up. All your friends here and there's too many to name are there too. You don't have to talk if you don't want but there's a lot of love hugs and hand holding going on. We'll just yabber on

Always by your side Grandy 💑🤝💜 just like everyone here and of course 🐕🐶😸😸