Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Dearest Deebi,

No I didn’t see her. I can’t remember when my next visit is..I think 2 weeks with my psychiatrist..

a little better at times and a little worse at other times....please Deebi don’t worry about me..I made a promise to you..I won’t break that promise..l love you too much..

Deebi, my middle son trying to find out all he can about his birth family found my ed (elder brother), and not knowing gave my ed my phone number and address...I never told him about my ed, my ed stopped existing in my mind and life, I never saw or spoke to him ever again even once I eloped...(another stupid mistake)......I’m just so stupid and dumb making decisions about anything, I just wish that I hadn’t been born....How much happier would everyone be then... ugh my mind is a foggy mess..

[demonblaster]

Grandy if you hadn't been born we never would have met to have such a beautiful friendship and you wouldn't have touched so many good souls with your pure heart and helped so many let alone given so many the chance to have you in their lives to love and also call a friend. Much more too.

Although I do understand why you're saying that from the rotten life you've had but needed to tell you from my/our point of view too.

You say stupid I say survival and I read somewhere in the earlier days hubby was decent. Try Grandy and go furthur with your thoughts lovey and think in your defense why you did what you had to. Access that part of your mind. You're so much better than what you've been mind moulded to believe.

Thank you for the promise and I too love you very much and amongst others it keeps me going too. Relief you said that cause I believe and trust your word.

While I can I need to be here for you too, don't like just taking and a friendship goes both ways.

Well done getting this out btw

Shame you haven't seen your nurse. I worry about you being alone going through this.

Always close by Grandy listening

God I needed that sleep must've been a deep one.

Keep doing what you're doing lovey cause that you're a bit better at times shows you can and will pull through.

💑💜🤝🕊

Leelee I also checked out a bit of that info and saved it that you gave Grandy, and intend later to read up it looks very good Grandy as lee said maybe later for you too. You helped me lee as well & possibly others too. And thank you for your lovely comments, sorry wasn't ignoring you, been having a rough patch lately and forget 🌹

[Ggrand]

Deebi, Thank you for what you said, your words have opened my eyes a little, I have you an amazing friend I love deeply, I have heaps other amazing friends here as well that I love... Please forgive me of my last three sentences on my last post everyone...I’m really sorry..

[demonblaster]

Thanks Grandy 💗 😙

You may not love me as much ☺😐 Probs about 2 more pages yet of what I don't like. Some's pretty normal for most people I think but... it's time I started really opening up. May as well while I've got the whooptees with myself more. If youse don't ever see me again you'd know why 😆

Ok enough about me. I'm so glad you feel some stuffs helped a bit. Grandy I'm speaking the truth.

I always want you to be honest and I am too atm. When I read peoples pain or hear it I feel it like I feel you too do. Empathy I guess, said I don't take it on board I mean but actually I do think about it but have to try and not carry it.

It hurts if you care or love the people that we've grown to here and you know how I feel about you, maybe 😉 I don't say it often enough 😆😚

Grandy this is absolute. You are one of well all of us I guess as people have said we're still here pushing on. That takes courage. In your life my god! I want you to know as you've seen with your good friends rl and here good people that care and love you because of the person you are. (Said it I know) It's people like you that give hope to others.

I thought today Grandy will be pleased I cooked veges and of course meat. Dishes, love you so much. Good you ate it too. You eating?

We will get through Grandy because each time we stand up again we're that little bit stronger

Got some more card done this eve even penciled her name with newish style calligraphy. Happy very

Almost finished and happy with changes to the card so nearly. Few bits to do yet and more calligraphy.

Maybe one day,Avi, for short bit. Won't be able to show name but one day maybe another one.

That's ok darl you were expressing how you feel imo. So glad you were.

Sleep sweet beautiful friend/s 🕊

We all matter 💑💜🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi and all,

I am in need of some help advise.

I blocked my eb phone number, ok now I’m jumping around like I’m walking on hot coals....I am really afraid that he might come here today...Mainly Mental Health scared for. If I see him I don’t know how I’ll react but I know badly. Can anyone tell me is there a way that I could somehow prevent him from being allowed to visit me, I really won’t handle a visit from him.... he is 24/7 on my mind, woke in another panick attack, not good for my heart if I go into another hypoventilion episode again...

Grandy...

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Grandy,

I’m so proud of you for blocking his number. I want to hug you for that!

Hopefully he doesn’t visit but in a worst case scenario and he shows up at your doorstep, I would suggest one of the following.

• Maybe don’t answer the door, pretend you’re not home and just wait for him to leave. Hopefully he won’t come back again.
• Alternatively, I don’t recommend that you open the door but perhaps open a window (just a little, not fully) and ask him to leave. Once you have asked him to leave, he must leave because if he doesn’t leave, he would then be trespassing and you would have the right to call the police. The specific legislation that protects you will vary between states, e.g. Inclosed Lands Protection Act 1901 is one of them. But the point is he can be removed by police at that point as he would be trespassing. Granted, I know it’s drastic but this is possibly an option

Sorry, I’m not sure if those ideas help you but I wanted to offer my thoughts anyway.

For now, here...take my hand...gentle squeezes...

Just breathe, dear Grandy...just breathe...

We are here with you...all of us

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Thank you very much Peppy, your suggestions are very helpful and I will

I know I should ring him and tell him to stay away...sounds easy but so very hard to do......

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely Grandy,

I think you’re very brave.

I, and I’m sure others feel the same way, feel so proud of you for all these incredible steps that you are taking to protect yourself...

Much love and gentle hugs,

Peppy xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hi my/our sweet 🤗

My heart truly goes out to you. When I saw this at Peppys I wanted to be with you. Feel as I think we all do a protective instinct for our Grandy

• How do you feel about ringing your MHNurse, I don't think she knows the story and you wouldn't have to explain but could say he's a major cause of your MH and brief her on the recent situation especially that your anxiety landed you in hospital. She'd have access I'd say to put help in place.
• Could Betty and your good brother text or ring occasionally. Same you could outline but not go into detail.
• Hide the car? I know you put it out back on occasion.
• Assuming everywhere has a police non urgent phone no: again not details but stress he's a major cause of your safety & concern. They hopefully could do drive pasts and be aware if hoping you never have to ring them. They could also suss where he is atm.

I do think it'd be best for someone in an official capacity to know at least part of the situation sweet heart 🤗

Keep your ph charged darlin and handy.

Very good suggests from Peps and to be very clear for him to stay away. (Text)

Alternatively would you feel safer to stay at good brothers place a while.

Does Betty know any blokes that could drive past every now and then too

Grandy as Peps said honey keep breathing, be alert and yes keep locked and safe. Good idea the window.

Love you so much sweet heart. 🤗💜💑 care immensely and worry about you.

If you don't mind could you keep us posted please so we know you're safe even if just a word poor darling

[Lee lee 73]

Hi Grandy and Demonblaster,

Demonblaster, my psychologist referred me to that site many times for my homework. I'm pleased you found helpful. Please DB, no need to apologise for anything, we're all on this forum for a reason. Take care hon.

Thinking of you our dear Grandy. Sending you peaceful thoughts brave lady!!! You can get through this.

Love Lee xx