Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Deebi, I done the same hypovenlated again.. and back in hospital. Over this Deebi, it’s never going to end....

[Ggrand]

I passed out on Shirley, she called ambos again...so very tired of this Deebi, I’m going home soon, I’m all sedated again, feeling calm again but tomorrow or next day the same....No Drs or beds at the hospital...Was taught a coping strategy to slow down my breathing....Not down, feeling calm right now....Why is this all happening for now..? I need to stop this now...

Im reallly very sorry,

[Guest8901]

Oh dear Grandy .. whatever are we to do with you? I am so sorry you ended up back in hospital. What you are going through is so awful, and so unfair. When you say you passed out on Shirley, I am guessing you mean Betty. I'm so glad she was there for you.

Okay .. So there are no beds for you at the hospital. Meaning you are going back home again. At least you are feeling calmer now, and hopefully you can stay that way.

Use the breathing techniques the hospital showed you. Keep your little fur babies by your side. And post here anytime if you need company. I will watch out for you and hold your hand.

Your brother is most unlikely to turn up at night, so hopefully that is some reassurance for you. If or when he does turn up, do as the very wise Pepper and Deebi have suggested.

I dont know why this is all happening now Grandy. But I am certain you are better equipped to deal with all this better now than you were in the past. You can get through this sweetie ... you are strong, you are resilient ... you will be okay.

I dont know why you apologised? You have nothing to apologise for Grandy. I am just so grateful you are a part of my life now, and I so badly need you to be okay.

For all of us here, who have benefited so much from your great care and kindness, please take care. You are precious and you matter a great deal to all of us.

Breathe Grandy .. stay calm.

Amanda 💓

[demonblaster]

Ahh darlin you poor thing 🤗 no one should have to go through that.Must be so frightening.

Darl can you ask to talk to a psych before you leave this is too much holding so much pain or a social worker.

Please Grandy you have to look after yourself. Or could it be arranged for someone to home visit you tomorrow. So glad you're calm now and relaxed

What breathing did they say if you're up to saying or laters ok, keep at it too darls.

Did they give you any meds to bring home? Sorry and now for my hundreth question

Thank goodness Betty? was there again. She must be really worried. Be good if you could stay at hers tonight.

Truth you are so much stronger now huns. I think you're still off meds too

Beautiful Mandy 🤗 these lovely people you attract.

How bout lock up and hop into bed when you get home and allow yourself to melt into your warm comfy mattress and get some desparately needed sleep. Ebony and Kya they'll be right there snuggled up with love and we're always with you too 💜

Was looking at the stars just before nearly went cross eyed trying to find some. Talk about spot the star. Was thinking of you. There's about whoop whoop wait for it maybe 7 😆

Sweety to give your mind a rest how bout visualise the stars, your birdies trees walking with a cool breeze on your face the sand through your toes, the love with your cutey furs & ohhh look at little Destiny & Eternity 😀 they're laying on your pillow, Mumjo the cows us rainbows anything that makes you happy you need a break from pain. The power of our minds Grandy. Phenomenal and we can control our thoughts.

U R NOT your depression.

Grandy 🤗 sleep peacefully darling love and care so very much about you. Thanks for letting us know too. I'm right there not going anywhere 🤗😚

Phooey I've got to hit the hay too. SO tired. Nigh nite lovey and our loving friends 💕

Check on you first thing tomoz

💜💗👀💑 🤝 🍰 🐶😹🐕🦄😹

[Lee lee 73]

Oh Grandy. ...😢😢.

It will end my lovely. ...we just need to figure out the best way to get you the treatment you sooooooooo deserve and need...... and for you to be ready to accept it......

Ok, so our lovely beautiful Grandy, I have been hesitant to suggest this to you but as Pepper so gracefully stated, we don't want you to keep spiraling down.....

Grandy, what may help you for now, is a psychologist who is able to conduct sessions via telephone and or Skype. To maybe support you through your anxiety until such time you are able to travel to the bigger town. Last week I emailed the Australian Psychological Society, on behalf of a 'beautiful friend' who just happens to have your MH diagnosis. I asked for a list of psychologists who may be willing to do this. I was given at least 6 names all throughout NSW. When you feel up to it Grandy, maybe you could email them directly or even go to their website and do a search yourself. I didn't find their search tool to be very user friendly which was why I ended up emailing them directly.

I know it's a long shot hon to find someone you're comfortable with - but it's an option. It's such a god awful draining thing to have to do too. I'm just so concerned for you beautiful as with all of your friends here. I'm hoping I'm not stretching the friendship by suggesting this to you. I know you would do the same and want the same for us.. ..

Just consider it. ..beautiful lady.

sitting with you

Lee ❤❤❤🤗🤗😘😘

[demonblaster]

Hey darlin/s 💕

Hope you're still snug and warm getting a quality restful sleep sweet friend 🤗 little kiss on your forehead not enough to wake you

Birdies are awake darlin happily chatting away. A new days starting Grandy it's beautiful. The suns slowly rising above the mountains colouring the sky with the soft beautiful shades of pink orange and yellows. What a sight. Every time we breathe a slow long breath in some of that precious light reaches our souls

Grandy how are you feeling

So glad for you and Betty having such a lovely friendship and that she's looking out for you. Hi Betty 😊 thanks for looking after our precious Grandy 👌⚘

I'm stuck for words atm honey just want you to know you're so very important to so many.

Just had breaky, good ole faithful Weetbix and a sleeper got to get more Grandy.

Love 💜 care and so concerned about you darlin please consider talking to someone. You can choose how much you disclose. Any escape of pains better than it being bottled up.

Your safety first Grandy. What an incredible team of beautiful friends supporting and standing by you. Because we love you and want you to have light. I think your ready to do the hard yards to get through because you've surfaced so much more strength now. So hard alone isn't it but you're not always keep that in mind darl.

Check on you after sleepies hun. Huge love 😍🤗🍫💑🦄💗💜

Lee hi darl what an amazing friend you are to your beautiful friend, Grandy and here. Good on you darls ☺ Another fantastic post gotta hit the hay lovey catch yaz later ⚘

👀👂🏻rest up honey 😚

[Guest8901]

Hi dear Grandy,

I am just checking in this fine morning to let you know I am thinking of you, and that I expect to be around most of the day if you ever feel the need to talk. I am very happy to listen, if its helpful to you.

I hope you managed to get some restful sleep last night. With the help of the sedatives, you were hopefully able to remain calm and breathing freely.

I have just come inside after going for a short walk around our block with Charli. Its quite warm here today and a bit breezy. Charli found plenty of smells and rabbit diggings to check out, and scurried around very self importantly tracking the odour trail to the edges of our block. Then we came back and sat on our back deck with a freshly brewed pot of tea. And a choccy bickie as well. I think we are likely to get some rain over the coming week. Certainly hope so, because as I walked around this morning, its terribly dry again.

Pepper, Lee Lee and Deebi have all offered some very helpful suggestions as to what can be done IF your brother turns up on your doorstep. You may also be able to phone the BB helpline, and they may have other suggestions/options to help under these circumstances. You shouldnt have to be too specific in what you tell them, but there again you can remain anonymous if you choose. So perhaps its best to be fully open about it, and they can provide the best advice available under your unique circumstances.

Hi Pepper, Lee Lee and Deebi - I hope you are all well and having an enjoyable Sunday. I will get to each of your personal support threads over the coming days I hope. I will certainly try. There again, I could try again to post to my own support thread. Sigh ... it just seems almost impossible right now, so maybe I'm not ready just yet?

Anyway Grandy ... I am here for you, and I would so love to be able to help. So if I can, dont hesitate to let me know.

With much love and enormous respect to you. Big hug.

Amanda xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Amanda, Lee, Peppy, and all,

Thank you for your kindness, I am really sorry that I let that happen again..I need to get myself under control and quickly, I know what and how to do, and I was trying but it just didn’t work agai....,,Betty and her daughter (from Sydney passing through)..was over mine having a cup of tea when I just collapsed....These hypo attacks are not good for my heart and if I continue having them will damage it more then it is....

I didn’t see a Dr,or Psych. Mhn..... no Drs work at the hospital, they are only called in to do their best to stabilise patients before they are taken to bigger towns around here....I was monitored for several hours after I was sedated, then Betty took me home...

I have been trying to ring my younger brother now for a few days, there’s no answer, I will try again tonight...

I am so very tired, my body is exhausted from the hard time I’m giving it...My mind needs a rest from constant chatter...I’m going to try to sleep now for a couple of hours..

Please everyone take care of yourselves you all matter and your all somebody {lee) very special to me, ..Love and care for you all..

Deebi, If it’s okay I want so much to visit yours and just chat tonyou...but so very tired atm, later today if that’s okay...Love you so very deeply Deebi...

Grandy...

Love you very much Deebi,

[demonblaster]

Grandy just look after you seriously lovey thanks I know you care and that's enough for me. Don't worry about me seriously I always land on my feet.

Get the rest you need lovey lots of it.

Love you too hun 💑💜

[Lee lee 73]

Hello Grandy,

Thank you for updating us lovely lady. You are stronger than you realise...hope you have been able to rest.

Sending you peaceful thoughts and the warmest of hugs.

(A big hello to you Demonblaster. Take good care ).

Goodnight Grandy. ..and everyone.

Lee xx