Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

[Ggrand]

Hi I have another thread but unrelated to this.

37 years ago my husband and young son (2tears old). was living in our car for around 8 months.I was pregnant at the time. My parents disowned me when I eloped with my husband. My husbands parents were strange and we never told them we were living in the car.

I gave birth to my second son while we were living in the car. My hubby contacted his father and his Godmother who both talked us into putting our baby into foster care for a few months until we got organized, as we couldn't have a baby living in the car. After I got out of hospital my father in law told us to stay with him. Then a woman from child services came to see us and said it best to adopt our baby out.I didn't want to but I had to or we were back in the car living and would loose our baby and possibly our other young son . because father in law said it was the only way we could stay with them.

My adopted son found me and contacted me on Sunday I was to shocked to answer him back until today.contact has only been through facebook messenger. I told him i will ring him tonight around 8.30pm.

I have never told my 2 other sons about him. I don't know how to tell them.Will they hate me for doing this as I have hated myself and never forgiven myself over all these years.I have thought about him over the years especially on his birthdays. I am so very scared. Hubby died 4 years ago so I have to do this on my own.

Hubby and I decided we would never try to find him as we didn't want to upset his life..I am a complete mess as what to do..Please can someone help me.

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 🤗

I'm so incredibly sorry to hear this. How terribly hard for you.

I'm always here for you darlin

My heart goes out to you.

There certainly doesnt seem to be any sense in this.

Sending love and warmth Grandy ⚘

[quirkywords]

Grandy

What an awful message to get .I am so sorry. Grandy I am so upset as I know hard you have tried to make him part of your life . It was so hard to have your heart broken once but then to have it broken again is so horrible.

Do you have any idea of why he wants this or did you see it coming?

I can feel the pain in your post.

I wonder is he getting pressure from his adopted family.

I have a friend who was pregnant when she was 17 and gave the baby up for adoption . In her 50s she looked for her child and at first things went well.

Then after a few months , her daughter sent my friend’s partner an email and said it was too hard for her to stay in contact with her birth mother because it was causing big problems in her adopted family.

She is still hoping one day her daughter will contact her again.

You have helped so many people here and been so honest and compassionate. . I know you are hurting and I am crying for you too. You have worked so hard at getting well .

I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and make things better.

I am sending you a big hug . We are all here for you to support and listen.

Quirky

[Lee lee 73]

Hello Grandy,

I'm so so terribly sorry to hear this. It makes no sense to me either.

You're always in my thoughts Grandy.

Love Lee

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 🤗

I know you're in such deep pain dear friend. I wish I could say something that'll ease it.

Know beautiful lady you're always in my thoughts with love and warmth.

I'm sitting with you and looking after you for as long as you need me sweetyheart. It's ok if you dont want to talk that's entirely your choice.

Knowing you're hurting... Oh darlin 🤗

No need to reply just look after yourself honey

Always love & awyis 🤝 🗯⚘

💑💜💙👀🤗😚🌈

💑

[quirkywords]

Grandy,

There are so many people who care for you who are thinking of you and looking after you, you have given so much support to others and we are here just like DB.

Take as much time as you need, we are here for you.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Quirky, Lee.

Im sorry I really am..I’m just so messed up inside my head..

I I deserve it..l done the same to him 39 years ago..I’m a bad horrible person/ mum/ grandma everyone is better off without me in there lives.

[demonblaster]

Grandy darlin you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about here sweety 🤗

This is a hard blow, you need time to try and digest what's going on. Was there any reason? Worse been left in the dark. Only answer what you're comfy with lovey and in your own time ok hun

Please Grandy don't believe people are better off without you that's not true, no way you have so much love compassion and kindness in you. So much more...you're pure quality 💜

Don't forget hun you can ring MH anytime especially how deep you're in. Please darlin do right by yourself.

It's awful you hurting so much. It's not fair Grandy you're such a beautiful person 🤗

You're very well liked cared about and loved here honey please hold on.

Love you very much dear friend always with you in thoughts and spirit. Pubaok 💙

💑💜✨🤝😚⚘

[quirkywords]

grandy.

You don’t deserve this. 39 years ago you did not have a choice .

Your son wanted to find out who his birth family was and you welcomed him and was very honest with despite being anxious. Your son is possibly confused and needs space.

You are a wonderful mother who sacrificed her own health so she could be there for her children .

You are hurting so much and I can’t being to imagine your pain

I do know you have so much to fear people online and In real life.

Can you get an appointment with your mental health worker, or even go to the hospital if you need to. ?

Keep posting we are all thinking of you, and we care for you.

Remembef there is the Beyond Blue suppprt line if you need someone to talk to .

Sending a hug and all my kind thoughts.

Quirky

[Lee lee 73]

Grandy,

You have nothing to apologise for dear friend. I too know that in no way do you deserve this and agree you did not have a choice all those years ago.

I'm so sorry you are hurting Grandy. I don't know what to say.....only that I acknowledge your pain my friend. And most importantly, they are "not better off without you" . If only they knew how enriching their lives would be if they truly knew you. You are loved and cared for here by so so many people Grandy. So respected and admired. I You are a loyal and true friend to all of us. I know this may not mean much to you at the moment, understandably, but please know this.

I'm sitting with you Grandy, next to DB and Quirky. We're here to listen when you feel up to it.

Please be kind to yourself lovely lady because you deserve it.

Love Lee

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Quirky, Lee and all.

Ive been either knocking myself out with sleepers or something I hate doing...self medicating..

This has knocked me down so far...

As soon as I received the msg I immediately msged back, but he straight away blocked me....We have been talking now for over a year and a half..laughing,burying, talking and learning about each other...He said in his msg that he is on a roller coaster of emotions and decided that he thinks it’s best that we go our own ways as he just cannot get the feeling of belonging anywhere....I have always loved him in my heart..and he knows that I love him dearly...His decision is making me feel so worthless, abandoned and just so guilty as well as other emotions I can’t understand....the msg before that he said, he loved me, and is very happy that we found each other..their was no indication at all for what he did..im crushed..I just don’t understand. I’ve lost him again as well as his wife and 4 grandchildren...We all got on good together over phone conversations and fb...

I have his phone number, but out of respect for his wishes I will not ring..believe me it’s hard not to pick up the phone and ask him what’s happened..both my other sons also received the same msg..They are also in shock...I told them to leave him alone...give him time..I am considering writing him a letter and asking him...why and also I’ll tell him that it’s his decision to read or throw away the letter it’s his choice and if I don’t hear from him, I’ll respect his wishes, and as so hard as it will be do..I’ll do what he wants....I only want him to be happy..

I got to meet him and his family and know that he is alright with a great family...That’s something positive I suppose...but it’s continually eating away at me...I so much wanted a good relation with him. but I understand I gave away my rights to do that 39 years ago. I am his birth mum, yes but not his mum. I never raised him...I am trying hard to accept his decision..but I’m hurting so much..he is a man now, and he has decided...I cannot make him want to be a part of my life if he doesn’t want to be...I tried so darn hard to...Sometimes I wish I could just sleep forever, so I don’t hurt or cry anymore...I’m tied of not being able to live in peace...tied of my life.....tied of trying to find some happiness...and so tired of being alone with no one here with me...it’s just so hard..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..