Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

[Ggrand]

Hi I have another thread but unrelated to this.

37 years ago my husband and young son (2tears old). was living in our car for around 8 months.I was pregnant at the time. My parents disowned me when I eloped with my husband. My husbands parents were strange and we never told them we were living in the car.

I gave birth to my second son while we were living in the car. My hubby contacted his father and his Godmother who both talked us into putting our baby into foster care for a few months until we got organized, as we couldn't have a baby living in the car. After I got out of hospital my father in law told us to stay with him. Then a woman from child services came to see us and said it best to adopt our baby out.I didn't want to but I had to or we were back in the car living and would loose our baby and possibly our other young son . because father in law said it was the only way we could stay with them.

My adopted son found me and contacted me on Sunday I was to shocked to answer him back until today.contact has only been through facebook messenger. I told him i will ring him tonight around 8.30pm.

I have never told my 2 other sons about him. I don't know how to tell them.Will they hate me for doing this as I have hated myself and never forgiven myself over all these years.I have thought about him over the years especially on his birthdays. I am so very scared. Hubby died 4 years ago so I have to do this on my own.

Hubby and I decided we would never try to find him as we didn't want to upset his life..I am a complete mess as what to do..Please can someone help me.

[demonblaster]

Beautiful friend 🤗 hi everyone

I've been thinking and feeling so deeply for your pain with this and still feel so very sad for you having to go through this on top of everything else. It's just so unfair darlin lady

Grandy our dear gentle tender Quirky suggested..maybe he's confused.

I was going to suggest writing a letter I'm so glad you're thinking to do this as it also could help greatly to shed some of the pain expressing.

It's incredibly sad hearing someone so beautiful like you wanting to sleep only and not have to feel this cruel pain, you have so much and I know you know but remember please sweetyheart you also have a great deal of care and deep love too. You touch many lives

My thoughts through parts I've read and reading similar situations here actually I think you mentioned once to Sadgina along the lines of kids having their minds made up without knowing all the facts which you protected them from. I hope you can release at least a little of your pain knowing this and as much as you don't believe it you are absolutely worthy of nothing but pure love.

As you havent till now may I suggest to continue not to give up on this relationship, in time he may see things differently especially that he said he loves you that's Gold Grandy and you have a good relationship with his wife and your grandies. So pleased and in time they may help him see differently.

Also never Grandy give up on yourself, you're an incredible friend and inspiration to so many people. You have a heart of Gold and love, we.. everyone whether they realise or not need you.. I know I do hun 🤗

Love you so very much dear Grandy. I really am so sorry for your pain you're always in my 🗯 pubaok honey awyis 😚☺

💑💜💙✨⚘🐕🌈

[Keypi]

Hi Grandy,

I am so very sorry this has happened and your son has pulled back like that so suddenly. I can only imagine the pain your in. But just remember there are many people here who love and care for you. You would be missed greatly and even in this short time I've known you your kind and caring words have had an impact on me in such a way that I can not describe, but I will say that you have helped me more than you know.

So now it is our turn to be here and help you 🙂 I know it hurts and you just want the pain to stop I do feel the same way in that I wish sometimes I could go to sleep and never wake up. But that is not how we do things!

I know you have more fight left in you and we will all get through this just hold on hour to hour if you have to and never forget there are people who you can talk to and you are never alone!

Please be safe and be kind to yourself, many warm hugs from me to you 💜

Keypi 🙂

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

how very sad I am to read that this has happened to you. This is very heartbreaking. But you do not deserve this, please try not to believe that. You are not to blame. All those years ago you made what you thought at the time was the best decision under the circumstances. He had a family and grew up under other influences. And you do not know what has caused him to make this decision. I think he let you know this in a not very nice way, a Facebook message. So he is not at this time ready to talk to you about this. So give him the peace he needs right now, but never give up hope. He has said that he loves you, try to stay focussed on that and give him time.

I am thinking of you in this sadness and trying to comfort you.

You are one of the kindest people here and support others through their troubles. Try to lean on us for your support and reassurance now

love tess

[Tamw]

Hi there I don’t want my post to sound harsh, I’m just going to be honest with you. I was adopted 41 years ago and for 41 years I’ve had a broken heart. Being adopted is horrible. You go through life feeling rejected and alone. Your son needs you in his life. You gave him up for adoption, he didn’t ask to be born. I’m so sorry but I’m speaking as an adopted person. It’s no longer about you. You need to reconnect with the child you gave away and help him find peace in his heart. Good luck xx

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

as you may remember I was adopted and do not agree with the view expressed by Tamw. I am not denying her experience but it was not that way for me. I had a wonderful family who loved me so very much and a wonderful childhood. An an adopted brother who has really come through for me in the last few years. At the age of 32 I found my birth family, mother and father and their families. It is a long story. But I loved them too my birth parents have both now died, just this year my birth mother. I am left with nine siblings from their marriages. Two of those are full sisters. I regret nothing. The love I have for my mum and my birth mum are different and not in competition. I am not saying that I didn’t go through some issues in the first years, but that was related to the shock of having had three full siblings and that my parents had married. I don’t regret being adopted , not one minute and neither do I regret finding my family. I am very close to my two sisters and see all of them even though they are in another state. I am a,so close to my mothers second family and my fathers .

So never give up hope. It is challenging for the adopted child, but not all experiences of adoption are terrible.

Just be there when he is ready. We are all ready in different times.

love tess

[Ggrand]

Hello Tamw,

Im really sorry, that your struggling so much with being adopted...

No it’s not about me...it’s about my son....I am sorry if I have hurt you in any way...

My son has said he loves his parents, they were hard on him but he has a lot of love for them...and has a sister who was also adopted and they are both very close to each other as well as their parents...

Just knowing now that he might have been feeling rejected and lonely all his life is so very sad...I have apologised to him, and I know sorry really isn’t enough....but deep in my heart I am sorry...

I won’t give up trying to connect again with him because I do love him..a lot..

Kind thoughts ,

Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Tamw hi

I just want to say Grandy is one of the most loving kind compassionate selfless people I know.

She has been busting a gut to try and reconnect with her son. Sorry this too may sound harsh and Im being honest as well but same as you not out of spite but you dont know her story and it was him that recently broke contact off not Grandy, shes completely shattered.

I'm not saying saying this to have bad vibes with you but it needed to be said.

I'm adopted and was very lucky with my parents and dont feel that way at all not to take away your feelings just different folk different circumstances.

Thanks for listening.

[demonblaster]

Addit

Imo it is also very much about the birth mother, I feel if its hurting them their situation must have been very hard to need to take that option. It means they love the child, it'd rip a mother too.

I've wondered why I was but consider myself very lucky with my beautiful parents. There are so many possibilities to their reasons and circumstances.

[Lee lee 73]

Tamw

I second what Demonblaster has said....Grandy is the most loving kind compassionate person I know.

I'm sure if you read this thread in its entirity, you would agree.

You don't know her story, just like we don't know yours. I hope you find peace in your heart.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Lee, and all,

Im at a loss for words as to what to say to the both of you..😢..

I need to thank you for your beautiful words that you have described me with...but thank you Just isn’t enough to show my gratitude of having such amazingly wonderful and beautiful friends...here on BB....

My words have run away...Is it okay if I come back later to talk some more...right now too many tears are falling..

Much love to you both, my respect and gratitude is so high for you...

Love and hugs 💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼...