Plain misery

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I have had a rough 12 years

I was bullied in high school by about 8 people, from the ages of 12 - 18

I have been mis diagnosed with originally psychosis and than schizophrenia, and I was told to be kept on anti psychotic medications for life, for when I don't even have schizophrenia, I have contracted pre diabetes from past medications 

My mother is horrible

1) She treats me as a mental disability or retarded
2) She can't be disagreed with
3) She doesn't encourage my driving, despite having a license
4) She doesn't believe in the need for me to work occupations
5) She tells you to handle the world, when your confident and brave with your beliefs. She rejects you    to face your problems, because you either have to be a beta cuck for her, or she abandons your support

My father

1) His selfish and entitled
2) His arrogant and ignorant
3) His in communicative and absent
4) His controlling and wanting peace

I am in a continuous cycle of a quarter life existential crisis. At the age of 27 I haven't had a entry job, or plan interest for further study, I am not a University academia or TAFE interested, I have to get a injection of 50 mg anti psychotic drug for no schizophrenia per month, I live with pre diabetes, my parents are unsupportive, and my brother is different than me

I don't have the ability to handle the independence of living alone either, and don't want to be with strangers, or anyone besides a partner or my own competence  

[Croix]

Dear Joe_The_Innocent27~

You are very welcome, you do have a complex set of circumstances and frankly I can't think of any cliché responses that would do any good 🙂

As a person with an anxiety condition I tend to go overboard thinking the worst and rely on another - my partner - to give me a more reasonable perspective. Frankly that 's a great help. From the sound of it you  father is not doing this, but giving unhelpful directions emphasizing his inaccurate perceptions of you - a frustrating and upsetting thing. I'm glad he no longer affects you as much.

Centerlink is enough to stress anyone (I'm not sure where Vic Roads figures) and is best left along unless you must contact them . Maybe if you volunteer you may have to report it, I dunno.

I think it is wise of you to start small with volunteering to get a feel for the place, the people and the type of work -as well as the traveling. and expense. As you would expect the first thing might not be the best.

A close family member had their gall bladder removed and also diabetes, however apart from diet and exercise found these to easily manageable long term. Getting regular checks sounds very sensible. You never know with that healthy lifestyle the diabetes may minimise.

I hpe you get on with your mum and brother and can talk with them

Croix

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I was working at Salvos for 1 year volunteering, I was given the opportunity to work behind the register, the manager blamed me that I gave a customer a extra $50 change. It's discrimination because we had other workers at the same time, doing the same thing as me, They knew I came from a disability employment agency and they presumed with my lack of experience that it was me who made the mistake. They shouldn't presume that it's me, on the basis of experience, I told them I didn't do it, I have to go through a disability agency so I can balance work hours and claim my DSP pension. It's suffering because I am treated for the most stigmatized mental illness when I know I don't even have it

I made some dot points on how I feel my father can be 

1) He is hypocritical, He only points out other people's bad behaviour, and never acknowledges his own

2) He only cares about his own personal related concerns and doesn't give much attention, compassion to other people's suffering

3) He uses my mis diagnosis of Schizophrenia to demean his out look on my sanity and mental stability

4) He knows I'm  diabetic and offers me non diabetic or nutritional foods, despite being told many times

5) He tells you that your not ever going to work or he sees you as handicapped or disabled

6) He describes my brother and myself as socially inept or anti social, because we're introverted and without friendship's, despite being able to talk

7) He lowers your intelligence and wants you to prove yourself

😎 He doesn't have any logical concern or necessity of expectation for his family to be living, rather than dwelling with their dreams to be living

[Croix]

Dear Joe_The_Innocent27~

From that list I'm afraid you father fits into the sort of personality that only thinks of themselves and also feels htey have to belittle others -maybe so they feel better about themselves (though that's a guess)

It's a great pity you are on the receiving end, after all the best thing is encouragement, understanding and seeing things (and diet) from your point of view. All it can do is make you feel bad about yourself - even though you do not deserve to. I think you mentioned he gave your mother a hard time too, maybe she might feel the same.

My own parents were not good, and the only bright side was I learned if I was going to be a parent what not to do -that's the best use I could find for them

Is it possible ot steer clear of him most of the time? Can I ask how you get on with your twin? Having someone on your side makes a difference.

It was very unfortunate about hte Salvos, however they are the place all agencies think of first, and really it does take more imagination than htat to place you in a good volunteering position. Is htere a volunteers organisation in oyur state or territory, they may be able to give you some ideas you can feed to your disability agency.

I hope we can talk again

Croix

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

Another troubling thing for me, I believe in the Bible and God and other things, but how the generation is fleeting at speed from religious beliefs, I don't relate to the Millennials politically or with atheist nature, I find Millennials are more superficial and material, more self conscious and with less humility, a lot of the younger generational girls seem to be with less modest virtues than I'd like 

I hear bullying is getting worse amongst school kids, the world is with less heart and more inward entitlement 

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I think about wanting to die or suicide for numerous reasons because 

1) I know without doubt that I am mis diagnosed with Schizophrenia & Psychoses, and that theorization for me being autistic is also wrong and not true with me  

2) I don't relate to a politically left irreligious superficial narcissistic world or Millennial/Gen Z generation

3) I am tired of being underneath people with review, opinions or bias egotistical esteem

4) I don't have any entry job or career interest or direction or guaranteed economic chances 

5) I am pre diabetic and have to fast for 3 hours every time I eat simplistic foods that aren't overly satisfying 

6) I know that telepathy or spiritual esp exists but it's a conspiracy to the secular mainstream 

[Croix]

Dear Joe_The_Innocent27~

You have clearly set out a fair number of things that are wrong wiht the world, and I tend to be in agreement, however all these seem to me to be things the world has done to you - and they are indeed hard to live with.

If that was all there was to life it would be truly horrible, but it is not. You are in this world and you have your strengths, religion, a moral code, endurance, perspective and more.  They are things that you contribute to the world, make it a better place. It's true one person's influence is small, but  it is important.

To be an oasis of kindness, common sense and an open mind is something those you live with or meet can make them feel more secure and improve their idea of the world too.

Would you say this is worth thinking about?

Croix

[David35]

Hi Joe

Being unemployed can be soul destroying. Centrelink may pay you money, but they don't give you friendships or a purpose. That's what I've had to discover for myself the hard way. I'm on a DSP for a head injury I had back in 1996. I got diagnosed about 10 years later. I ended battling alcoholism at the time despite doctors telling me to stop drinking. I'm now 46 so have some wisdom to share.

About the only thing that worked for me was that I found some sort of therapy involved with working with timber. Sounds corny I know. I volunteered at a local wooden toy factory (called mens' sheds) and found that the older guys there didn't judge me as people my own age tended to do. They didn't care if I was fat, skinny, single, married, educated or unskilled. As long as I could help out in some way, they accepted you. One of the biggest challenges I found navigating the real world after being told I could never hold an engineering job down ever again (due to the nature of my brain injury). was finding somewhere I could be accepted. Not having to reach this or that goal or milestone in life. Because, people will naturally judge you, it's one of society's uglier sides. I found it in the shed helping dad work on his wooden canoe, and even the cancer centre helping mum get through her treatment. The people who matter in this world to you, won't judge you based on your circumstances. They won't care what you do, they will only care about who you are. 

Hope this helps.

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

My life is tragic because I went insane and destructively suicidal for 3 years, because I had this deep infatuated lust and crush on a girl, I had no independence, direction or income and felt that my life had nothing but nothing to experience and live for 

I got mis diagnosed with psychosis initially and then they diagnosed me again wrongly as Schizophrenic,            I've contracted pre diabetes and had to have my gallbladder removed, so not only am I enforced to eat un pleasurable lean foods and smaller portions to prevent the diabetes from progressing, but I've had no gallbladder now to properly digest fatty foods to a normal standard, so now I have more strain on my fatty intake 

The tragedy is that my father is a dead beat and keeps himself focused on himself and quiet, and my mother makes me feel useless if I can't take the next job a agency gives me

I am 27 turning 28 in March, and I've truthfully become a loser or basement dweller, I never had interest to study or go to University or TAFE or a academic or tradie personality,  I have been to job agencies before and they offered me limited jobs in things I kept rejecting and then made me out to seem picky and choosey, I only achieved my license & vehicle ownership because I was getting disability pension from Centrelink for my mis diagnosis with Schizophrenia / Psychosis that I can't prove is their wrong and my right, I'm the victim

I was bullied in high school from age 12 to 18 and could never have esteem, I be friended two of those youthful pricks for a extra 5 years so I haven't had esteem all through my twenties because I wasn't working or with aspirations and new friends to forget the old ones 

I wanted to be creative with rapping and singing as a hobbie, not just guitar but either because of the above      or I feel too politically conservative and religious to relate to my Millennial generation, I always feel American in that aspect of my nature while being Aussie 

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I'm thankful for your response it means a lot to me, I am still currently stressed with having no occupational sense or direction, and with feeling that my life is about to start wither I'm prepared or not

I also feel so angry that I am pre diabetic and without a gallbladder, and I know I'm treated for not having Schizophrenia, But most people treat these liberal doctors are the un questionable intelligence, their humans with flawed probable theorization but are treated with the faith to take away another persons mind or conscious thought 

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I get bothered because I don't like my Millennial or the Gen Z generation, because their different from  me with their humility and courteousy amongst other things, I generally think their more judgmental and more egotistical because their young and ignorant or arrogant  

I want to move to the U.S. for my religious and political beliefs, I am tired of my open identity with religion and politics being taboo, when I'm entitled to my individuality and core 

I don't like my father because he manipulates my sanity because of my mental health diagnosis, which      I don't agree with or want to get into either, He treats you as a child at 28 and lowers your intelligence, He doesn't respect his Wife's wishes, He just walks over us and does what he wants because he's the bread winner and pay's for us. I have no career or entry job direction and financially I only have DSP.         I still am a southern personality so I value family and fairness and traditional beliefs, I want us to be closer but I only like my mother and brother 

I have never had friendship's in my 20's and during high school I was only bullied