Plain misery

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I have had a rough 12 years

I was bullied in high school by about 8 people, from the ages of 12 - 18

I have been mis diagnosed with originally psychosis and than schizophrenia, and I was told to be kept on anti psychotic medications for life, for when I don't even have schizophrenia, I have contracted pre diabetes from past medications 

My mother is horrible

1) She treats me as a mental disability or retarded
2) She can't be disagreed with
3) She doesn't encourage my driving, despite having a license
4) She doesn't believe in the need for me to work occupations
5) She tells you to handle the world, when your confident and brave with your beliefs. She rejects you    to face your problems, because you either have to be a beta cuck for her, or she abandons your support

My father

1) His selfish and entitled
2) His arrogant and ignorant
3) His in communicative and absent
4) His controlling and wanting peace

I am in a continuous cycle of a quarter life existential crisis. At the age of 27 I haven't had a entry job, or plan interest for further study, I am not a University academia or TAFE interested, I have to get a injection of 50 mg anti psychotic drug for no schizophrenia per month, I live with pre diabetes, my parents are unsupportive, and my brother is different than me

I don't have the ability to handle the independence of living alone either, and don't want to be with strangers, or anyone besides a partner or my own competence  

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

As a much older person (67) I understand your frustration with the generations you depict. However, your last comment "I have never had friendship's in my 20's"  makes me wonder if there is a problem you are unaware of with relationships. If you have barriers or high expectations or other, then that could be the core of the issues but with the limited information I'm speculating. Eg your dad might well be frustrated by working hard and paying "...because he's the bread winner and pay's for us"  .. "us" meaning a sibling? or just yourself? And DSP would put a dent in most bills you have yes? so a few questions there. Depending on your disability you can earn a certain amount over your DSP that would make you fully independent which could change his attitude?

You are indeed entitled to express your religious beliefs within reason... I'm an atheist and tolerate quite well others choices but sometimes it gets too much. I had a friend that constantly told me "you're blessed by God" and that alone was too much to bare for a non believer. I also have a 40yo niece that is in a cult and all her non blood family and friends are also cult members. My relationship with her is simply not workable. Sad, but that's life.

So in summary I see your focus but ask you to do some serious thinking in terms of your dad and where his dominance has emerged from and why you havent had success in blending in with your age group. Not all people in any generation are toxic, perhaps seek out an alternative group of friends to confirm this? Changing countries might feel the grass is greener but has hidden weeds...

I hope that helps.

TonyWK

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I have a narcissistic father in so many ways, and during high school and for 5 years following after I was bullied by numerous people, socially and physically at times during high school. I went through a complicated destructive suicidal phase after high school because I didn't have money/work direction or employment, I had no friend's, independence, and I had strong lust towards a girl that committed suicide, and I got mis diagnosed with psychoses which was later said to be Schizophrenia, which I've never agreed with the diagnosis, after 5 years of taking forced meds I became a pre diabetic, and then 3 years later I was told I had to have my gallbladder removed too, I am 28 with a crisis and no direction for suitable job's or guaranteed economic vacancies, I also don't have conventional interest in studies. People talk to me like I'm beneath this diagnosis and I'm treated as a stable man with psychotic symptoms when I don't actually have a disorder 

[white knight]

Hi Joe, welcome

I'm happy you're here. "People" wont overall give you the understanding you need, hence the success of this forum. You're now reading the words from someone with a similar history, briefly, big financial issues in my 20's, misdiagnosed in 2003 with ADHD, 6 years on wrong meds, diagnosed in 2009 at 53yo with bipolar and other stuff. Had my brother and uncle suicide, sister and I made attempts. Had narcissistic mother that paved the way for a life of low self esteem and removed her from my life.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/when-all-is-lost-what-can-you-do-be-radical/td-p/47... 

Now at 67yo I'm the happiest I've ever been. However the biggest positive effect came attending a motivation speech, you can read it here-

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life/td-p/154525

In effect we are talking about the way we think. eg to focus on what we have not what we've lost 

That single line above can change your life and it is within reach and costs zero

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/are-you-good-enough-low-self-esteem/td-p/560372 

No interest in studies? Dont study, at 28 if you dont know your ideal profession you might never. Dont stress ok. Keep narcs at arms length at least!. 

I'm here daily, repost at will.

TonyWK

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I am 28 at zero on Centrelink DSP wanting to start my life and leave everyone and forget everyone 

1) I am with the most stigma diagnosis of Schizophrenia, because 10 years ago I wanted to kill myself  and got mis diagnosed with psychosis on more than one occasion

2) I am stuck on pharmaceutical treatment indefinitely and I am now a tragic pre diabetic without my gallbladder, they offer no sympathy or compensation with this for me

3) I have no interest in the mainstream entry job industries, wither that's hospitality, warehouse, retail, admin or call centre job's, and I am not wanting to be a labour blue collar through TAFE or go to University for numerous reasons 

4) I don't get along with my family and have a narcissistic father, He socially labels and perceives me as disabled or needing more medication, He lowers my intelligence, His selfish & entitled & hypocritical, and I've never liked his personality my whole life, My mother exaggerates my personality and my brother only sees himself as stable and potentially competent 

5) I am a spiritual person with Religious Biblical beliefs and believe only American society is that culture and shares my personality and beliefs, also they have more political diversity of agenda and I feel I have  a choice for identity in the U.S.  

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I have contemplated ways of ending my life one day, with the way things seem for numerous reasons 

1) I am living in a superficial, competitive, selfish and corrupt world 

2) I am not wanting to go to University, not only because I am not interested in the available studies, but because I don't want the after fee tuition and to be the 98% with a meaningless degree struggling to still get a job

I am not wanting to go through TAFE and become a blue collar labor tradie or have certificates that are pointless in comparison to going to University 

I am not wanting to work entry warehouse, hospitality, retail, call centre, computer or admin job's in casual positions for the bare minimum entry median pay, and without structured known schedules or work benefits

I am diagnosed as a "Schizophrenic" for being suicidal when I was in my early 20's, 10 years ago, it's a wrong diagnosis, I also have PRE DIABETIE'S and had my Gallbladder TAKEN because of the side effects from ENFORCED UN WANTED MEDICATION TREATMENT, The mental health industry offers no compensation or sympathy to me under my victim situational circumstances 

I have no confidence with women because I have been sitting at home since high school 10 years ago without direction for the right start, I never had my driving independence till I was 26 and I had no personality for public transit and interval dramas, I also don't know where to make suitable friendship's, during high school I never was exposed to girls and was bullied a lot

I am interested in America because their a Christian religious culture and have political diversity of agenda, rather then a given one way nation wide approach 

[smallwolf]

Hey ...

I hear you. It's understandable to feel overwhelmed and lost in a world that can appear to be superficial, competitive, and corrupt. It's also okay to not be interested in traditional paths like university or TAFE, and to feel frustrated with the limited job opportunities available. What sort of things are you interested in? Admittedly my son had to do some study but is now a swimming coach - that is what he wanted to do or become. Guess it is part of following your dream(s).

And sorry to hear about what happened to you in your life into your 20s.  That would be very frustrating and upsetting - from the bullying at school and the impact that had and then what happened wit the medical treatment.

Beyond blue has a app for safety planning that you could look at, if you have not done so already. You are valuable and have a story to tell. And the fact you came here and shared part of that takes courage. Do you want to share more of your story?

[therising]

Hi Joe

Can definitely be a seriously tough and sometimes depressing gig, figuring out who we are and who we're definitely not and what we want to really do in life along compared to what we definitely don't want to do. Then there's that even tougher part that sometimes feels completely torturous - 'What's my purpose, my reason for being here?'.

Might sound a little foolish but I'd have to say my #1 reason for being here is to work out who I truly am, not simply believe who people have told me I am or who they think I am but who I truly or naturally am. With decades in and out of depression, just about every depressing episode for me as involved discovering some new truth about myself, beyond depressing limitations.

If you are to say 'I am a seeker of knowledge, greater understanding in certain key areas' and 'I am someone who wishes to know how my brain/mind works and what led to such episodes years ago' and 'I am someone who prefers a more spiritual or soulful existence' and 'I'm someone who prefers a care based job as a opposed to a retail job' etc, what could the entire course look like, that included all that? Could you begin with a simple interest, something that fascinates you such as researching how your mind, body and spirit can work together. I'd have to say a good read in my opinion, along those lines, would be Joe Dispenza's 'Becoming Supernatural'. It takes mind/body/spirit and translates it through neuroplasticity/epigenetics/quantum physics. It's a book that's easy to understand, written especially for the lay person. Next part of that course in life might look like studying further and officially, to become a personal trainer, for example. You will have developed some understanding of psychology, biology and the soulful elements it takes for a person to want to recreate or reform themself on multiple levels.

Do you thinking casually studying things that interest you could mark the beginning of a course in life that gradually and naturally unfolds, bit by bit?

[HelloGail]

Joe the innocen

It sounds like you're in a very uncomfortable space right now needing time out. Mental Health use to be fantastic in the early 80's-90's. The skillshare centre where I visited fortnightly, for years, use to take us away on day trips and even a 3 day stay to a Tumut farm. This is what you need. Do they still do that? I am not savvy with Mental Health now as all those centres closed in 1996. If you are on the DSP, you do not have to work but you could volunteer, even join Lifeline, you may be good at it, after some training. Are there any library groups where you live or community activities you can do?
I would try and get assistance from a social worker who can help you with joining groups. Don't put everything in one basket. I became very ill when at age 17 I became involved in a religion and I was so serious about it but it spun me out; I flew to Florida to see my Guru and lost my return ticket due to being so ill. Long story short I got back to Australia, phew! I went to hospital the medication made me better. I gave up that religion. Addiction happens in many ways try if you can to not get too deep as like me it made me sick. Please keep us posted on how you are going. I am 63 now and regret a lot of things. 

[Beth_123]

Hi Joe

Thanks for sharing. You have taken a step in the right direction by coming onto a forum like this. There is so much help out there and so many people willing to help.

Sorry to hear about the problems you are having. The way you feel is completely understandable and justified.

Being bullied at school can be very tough and it can take a long time to be able to address that trauma. FRom my personal experience with bullying, the scars will always be there but it helps to talk about it, and hopefully through talking you will become stronger.

It sounds like your idea of heading to America could be a good option, even if it's just for a year or two. I believe there are lots of programs where you could be involved in paid work to help run summer camps or perhaps be a sports coach. This could potentially be quite fulfilling. What do you think?

I would like to hear more of your story and you feelings?

Beth

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

During my high school days I was being bullied in numerous ways for 6 years by many people, I then saw this beautiful girl around my age and had a crush on her, but she suicided actually, I had no money, independence, direction, friends, women experience or any standards and I became destructively lack of care with myself and youthfully wanted to die, after making suicidal mistakes 3 times over three years before I started to care again, It lead me to a mis diagnosis of Schizophrenia or psychotic symptoms, I've been wrongly treated for 11 years and it's became a mal practice with me having to have my gallbladder removed and becoming a pre diabetic as a side effect from anti psychotics 

The only positive thing is being given a centrelink disability support pension and having money while un employed without direction