Plain misery

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I have had a rough 12 years

I was bullied in high school by about 8 people, from the ages of 12 - 18

I have been mis diagnosed with originally psychosis and than schizophrenia, and I was told to be kept on anti psychotic medications for life, for when I don't even have schizophrenia, I have contracted pre diabetes from past medications 

My mother is horrible

1) She treats me as a mental disability or retarded
2) She can't be disagreed with
3) She doesn't encourage my driving, despite having a license
4) She doesn't believe in the need for me to work occupations
5) She tells you to handle the world, when your confident and brave with your beliefs. She rejects you    to face your problems, because you either have to be a beta cuck for her, or she abandons your support

My father

1) His selfish and entitled
2) His arrogant and ignorant
3) His in communicative and absent
4) His controlling and wanting peace

I am in a continuous cycle of a quarter life existential crisis. At the age of 27 I haven't had a entry job, or plan interest for further study, I am not a University academia or TAFE interested, I have to get a injection of 50 mg anti psychotic drug for no schizophrenia per month, I live with pre diabetes, my parents are unsupportive, and my brother is different than me

I don't have the ability to handle the independence of living alone either, and don't want to be with strangers, or anyone besides a partner or my own competence  

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Very tough so far for you Joe. This forum is open 24/7/365 so once you post you can wait for a response and that often isnt very long. I hope we can help you through this with the aim of a stable life.

I too was misdiagnosed with ADHD and took wrong meds for 6 years. I was bipolar. Mania in both can mirror each other so human error is more common I think than what we think.

Been down the suicide track also but so glad you have survived that. I am prediabetic, wife is a diabetic. My late brother was type 1 since 2yo. 

The girl you had a crush on - her demise must still effect you. Have you had any further crushes since? You said you now "care again" so how is that going?  Do you have hobbies/sports etc? I have a few threads you could read, you only need to read the first post of each. Until next time -

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/humility-and-quot-the-good-samaritan-quot/td-p/3075...

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/depression-distraction-and-variety/td-p/275790

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/motivation-search-and-rescue-it/td-p/38279

TonyWK

[David35]

I Can't possibly comprehend how you have dealt with that. I was misdiagnosed for about 8 years or so after a head injury, but my frustrations would pale into insignificance compared to yours. I made some poor decisions before my diagnosis. But once the DSP came through I could plan a bit of a future. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but if I share my story, it may help.

I did volunteer work at different places. One was a wooden toy factory. I found myself enjoying working with timber and after a few years starting making and selling items on gumtree. It didn't make me any money, but it gave me a purpose, a reason to get up in the morning. It also reconnected me to society. Its very easy to fall into addictions at this stage, so dont go there. Centrelink pay you money, but it's up to you to find a purpose and friends to share that with. It may be a hobby, some interest, ETC.

I'm not sure how limited you are by your medical condition, but don't underestimate the value of volunteering and simply doing things for enjoyment sake. Just treat life at the moment as a journey of self discovery. The more you can learn about your likes and dislikes, the better.

[Earth Girl]

Hi Joe,

I'm so sorry to hear this. The good news is, things can still get better even though life is rough for you at the moment.

I'm schizophrenic and I didn't know you could become diabetic from anti-psychotics. I was just wondering which medication it is that can do that?

I'm also unemployed as I'm having trouble getting a job, well I have one job, but I only go once a week (it's complicated) and my sister told me that instead of worrying about what to do for work, that I should focus on figuring out what I like to do. Figuring out what you like to do not only can make you a lot happier, but it can also help you get a job as the more yo get into your new hobby or interest, the more you learn about it and then the better you get at it.

I'm really sorry about that girl you liked passing away as well and all the times you've felt the need to try to take your own life. If that girl knew how you felt about her (since she's in heaven now, it's possible she does know?) she would want you to keep going on with your life and meet people and one day settle down with someone even if it's someone else. So don't give up trying to talk to people and learning to socialize. I have a lot of trouble with socializing too, but people who matter won't think poorly of someone else just because they have trouble with this sort of thing as they know that there are reasons why someone could have this problem like they could be shy.

Bullying is a painful thing to deal with too. Do you have anyone you can talk to about how people treated you?

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I am 28 years old without any direction for the right suitable entry job's or plans on study education, and my only income is Centrelink 

I live with a narcissistic father who lowers intelligence, socially puts you into silence, has defeatist beliefs with my capabilities, a father that is highly selfish, I can't communicate to my father and have a proper conversation with his personality, I can only have a brief chat about sports and things that don't matter

I also am suffering because for the last 10 years I've been wrongly treated for mental health and absolutely can't win against the doctors to come off anti psychotic medications 

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I am sorry you are going through this, it must be a challenging time for you. It is tough being on Centrelink, but think of it as a way to survive while you build yourself up to take on bigger things - because you will one day 🙂

Living with a family that impacts your mental health and living situation is very hard, and seems to me harder for you as you are not in a position to leave due to your income, which is valid. the best thing you can do is to try and put up with it for now, and ignore his comments. 

a question for you to ponder - what do you like doing? do you have any passions? you could turn one of these into a career. if not already, have a look on Seek or Indeed for entry-level jobs, some that don't require experience. there are traineeships, apprenticeships, and jobs like that out there which want to hire someone that has no experience so that they can train you, and most of these are full-time jobs too. they might not pay a huge amount to start with, but at least it's a foot in the door. you don't need to study unless you are really passionate about a certain field that requires study to enter - as it is not worth accruing student debt unless you actually want to study the topic of choice.

why aren't the doctors listening to your concerns? is there another doctor you can see for a second opinion? who told you that you were wrongly treated?

i hope things get better soon,

jaz xx

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

Yes I have to put up with my narcissistic father based on my financial dis advantages, as far as my interests go    I like guitar and I wanted to get into singing as my most valuable hobbies, but I also lack confidence because      I have been told I am pre diabetic and then two years after I had to have a cholecystectomy and have my gallbladder removed, I was also bullied in high school and mis treated from bad friends

I will have to look into those job differences you recommended

As far as my diagnosis it's a complicated story, I've had 4 hospital omissions and have been treated over the last decade, I have had one omission against my wishes, I was forced by my GP and the catt team to go into hospital because they argued with me when I said I was fine, The other 3 omissions was many years ago before, I was in a destructive behavioral phase and was trying to die for some youth reasons I wouldn't be able to say was anything other then unique insane choices, It got me wrongly diagnosed with firstly psychosis and then it became given to me as a schizophrenia diagnosis the second time, I hear no voices and have no hallucinations but all the doctors involved and the next doctors presented with my information are convinced that I suffer from this 1% mental illness even when everyday I know that I'm 100% normal and not different to anyone else, Knowing that I made my choices deliberately and when presented with the diagnosis I never agreed with the psychiatrist ten years ago, I have zero doubts knowing my daily functionality and choices were not under a psychological ill state of mind   

[jaz28]

I see, that must be frustrating to feel misheard and mistreated by health professionals. A lot of doctors lack bedside manner, and some even empathy because a lot of people (not all) that they let into medicine are those who can let go of the patient as a person and just view the symptoms. I don't agree with this necessarily, but I can see why to an extent. I think you need to seek another doctor who understands your concerns and whom you feel heard. I know it might seem easier said than done.

I am sorry to hear of your health issues and difficult past, it must be hard for you. I also have had my fair share of health issues and surgeries so I understand how you may be feeling 🙂

I hope things improve.

Jaz xx

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I am starting to question with myself wither my life is even worth caring about

1) I have pre diabetes and I have limited satisfactory with my eating plus also cholecystectomy scars 

2) I have a narcissistic father that isn't understanding and for himself with controlling aspects

3) I have no financial direction wither that's suitable entry job's or something better at 28 nearly 30

4) I don't want to relate with modern civilization abandoning Christianity and Biblical beliefs

5) I have under confidence because I believe most people are superficial, vain, bias, too confident  

6) I am treated for a wrong diagnosis of Schizophrenia for the last decade but too complicated to explain 

7) I always eat at myself that I wanted to be a talented singer and that everyone ruined my possibility        😎 I believe people are flawed and cliché and not genuine and that money is the only true importance 

[Emotions26]

Hello Joe_the_innocent27

An interesting name that you use and I can see that you know about computers.

Is that an interest that you have?

Your story is heartbreaking to read. Even moreso when I read your age and realise that this archaic treatment of people with mental illness possibly is still going on in the last 25 years.

People are responding to you here, because they truly feel for you and believe that you are a worthwhile person.

I think that all of us would agree how brave you are writing about your story after being bullied and mistreated as well as being unwell.

My thoughts are that if you strongly believe that you do not have this illness seek another doctor and ask many questions.

When you make the appointment tell them that you need a health plan. They will make the time longer.

Write your questions down before you go.

Why you believe that you do not have this illness.

The symptoms that you have now and how often.

The medications that you currently take.

All conditions that you have.

Mention the possibility of autism spectrum also and where you heard that.

Your doctor will guide you with these questions.

There are many diagnoses these days where symptoms are similar.

The public mental health system where people only receive a diagnosis via hospital detainment is not enough on it's own.

A new doctor; gp can write a mental health plan for you and refer you to someone who has an interest in this area.

As far as your religion that you feel strongly about, that would be one way to meet new people. Many churches are affiliated with helping those who are suffering or homeless.

Beyond Blue has a helpline that you could ring if you feel comfortable and they might be able to help you find places near where you live.

Perhaps you could ask one of the moderators or community champions to help you find out some information on this website which apparently has so much information.

I have only been on here for 3 or 4 weeks so am not much help.

Best to speak to the experts on here.

Also once you find some help via church, charity relief or doctor you could ask for help with NDIS to see if you can qualify for that once you have a new diagnosis.

Apart from all of that.

You have not been told often enough that you are caring, kind, you are keen to find some work and make friends.

These are all qualities of your character. You are this person.

I do hope that you stay on the forums and continue to write to all of your new friends on here.

A different type of friendship to the real world.

Still a friendship. There is communication. You are able to write here. You are being listened to and heard here.

Emotions26

I am sorry if I wrote too much. I do not want to overwhelm you.

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I don't have autism I am affectionate and interested in intimacy and can understand sarcasm and humour,            I also look people in the eye when communicating

I was wrongly diagnosed with Schizophrenia because I made poor choices. I don't have any psychosis and hallucinations but my spiritual beliefs are separate and not the same experience as what psychosis is  

Everyday I fixate on having pre diabetes as well as being treated for a chronic illness that I don't have,              not to mention being 28 without direction for suitable job's or interest in education to accumulate my financial longevity