Plain misery

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I have had a rough 12 years

I was bullied in high school by about 8 people, from the ages of 12 - 18

I have been mis diagnosed with originally psychosis and than schizophrenia, and I was told to be kept on anti psychotic medications for life, for when I don't even have schizophrenia, I have contracted pre diabetes from past medications 

My mother is horrible

1) She treats me as a mental disability or retarded
2) She can't be disagreed with
3) She doesn't encourage my driving, despite having a license
4) She doesn't believe in the need for me to work occupations
5) She tells you to handle the world, when your confident and brave with your beliefs. She rejects you    to face your problems, because you either have to be a beta cuck for her, or she abandons your support

My father

1) His selfish and entitled
2) His arrogant and ignorant
3) His in communicative and absent
4) His controlling and wanting peace

I am in a continuous cycle of a quarter life existential crisis. At the age of 27 I haven't had a entry job, or plan interest for further study, I am not a University academia or TAFE interested, I have to get a injection of 50 mg anti psychotic drug for no schizophrenia per month, I live with pre diabetes, my parents are unsupportive, and my brother is different than me

I don't have the ability to handle the independence of living alone either, and don't want to be with strangers, or anyone besides a partner or my own competence  

[Guest_1584]

We've had shallow politicians here mostly 2 decades now and the last the worst of all, that brought most of that stuff into our society. Even the rest of the world could see through the last few pms. But hopefully that will be changing and reversing again with real people at the helm .

But your right , the us is prob the most toxic western country of all. Highest crime rate, mass shootings, suicides,road toll, a Covid record outdoing even India, yet a far poorer country but with 3x the population, if you like true superficiality and materialism your heading to the right place my friend.

But if you want true spiritualism, why wouldn't you go to countries where it's at least real and goes back 1000s of yrs. Like the ancient Japaneses monks, Rome, ancient England, ancient India. Feel the true ground, 1000s yr old cathedrals and castles, the pope, when it all began.

Buttt, ea to their own, good luck.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Or better yet , travel out into the soul of your very own country right here, and to some of the oldest lands and race on earth. Meet Aboriginal elders , walk among 50,000 yr old rock art , take of your shoes and feel those earths.

rx

[sbella02]

Joe,

Thank you again for chatting with us.

From what I understand, your relationship with your father causes you a lot of distress in your life, and it's something that has been causing you distress for a long time. That can be so tough, as this kind of treatment can become routine and almost expected in our lives. I long dealt with a close friend with narcissistic tendencies, and it can be very difficult to reason with somebody who is unable to recognise their flaws or how they may be inflaming certain situations. I empathise with you.

Support groups can be useful for managing these kinds of feelings and finding people who share similar experiences - in your case, recovering from and dealing with narcissistic interpersonal relationships - and may be able to offer personalised advice from these experiences. You may be able to have a chat to a professional about seeking local or even online support groups.

In terms of your career, you may find it useful to approach a careers counsellor about this. They can offer specialised advice about where to find suitable careers, and which positions may appeal to you the most. If you want to start thinking now about this, I'll pose a few questions for you to consider (you don't have to answer them now):

1. What are your strengths/weaknesses?
2. What are your main interests?
3. What volunteering have you done, and was this fulfilling?
4. Is there anything you can absolutely NOT picture yourself doing? 

I wish you all the best and as always, please continue chatting with us, we're here to support you.

SB

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

Yes thank you so much for your meaningful responses, I just have a hard time dealing with my father, He is a extroverted, controlling, selfish-entitled personality, If I do the family favours, he believes it's needed and essential rather than having the decent common courtesy to say thanks with appreciation, He's calculated with seeing his benefit in anything. When I was telling him I am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow, he virtually socially stone walled me when I mentioned " NEEDING " to work or study or do something to create a financial means of income, He believes his kids are too challenged or never going to work or that were lazy, His never been a praising and encouraging personality, He thinks being a dead beat father but providing for us until were 18 makes him a great dad, He doesn't know his kids, his not socially or emotionally involved or invested 

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

In response to your questions 

What are your strengths/weaknesses?

My strengths is being considerate, forgiving, and generally caring and in touch with my feelings

My weaknesses is public speaking

What are your main interests?

My main interests is guitar and sports, but I partially dip in and out of commitment towards it, espeically with guitar, I used to play video gaming, but I'm older now and don't feel the same with it these days

What volunteering have you done, and was this fulfilling?

I have volunteerd for 11 month's at a Salvos in the past, and I partially didn't mind it, but ultimately felt that I wasn't truthfully needed or really cared about wither showing up by the manager, I felt the work was more suited for the opposite gender, I felt it was really a fast working demand job, that I couldn't do that quickly

Is there anything you can absolutely NOT picture yourself doing?

Anything with physical lifting, construction tradies
Anything with numeracy and money pressure
Anything with a extroverted role
Anything involving over geeky tech savy skills

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

My Father is a narcissistic arsewhole

1) He try's to say my DSP disability Centrelink welfare is a allowance, and it's a government given pension, a allowance is given by your immediate family, He is mild financial black mail trying to make me feel wealthy

2) He try's to tell me to take my tablets, or he will call the cops and that they will lock me in the psych mental ward, and that no one will visit me ( I don't agree with my diagnosis of Schizophrenia ) When he visited me once in the hospital he told me we don't have to be here, so I told him to go home than,            I didn't even want him to visit me, compared to my mother and brother

3) He believes I'm too challenged for work and undermines the reality of me working, He's no encouragement or praise, He ignores the necessity for his kids to be working, and thinks poverty or maybe the rare chance of some inheritance is better

4) He lowers your intelligence and his socially silencing and the authotarian of decisions, He yells at us when me and my mum are talking and when he's peace is disturbed

5) His not emotionally intelligent or invested and socially engaged with his kids, He treats his wife as a dumb maid, despite treating her to nice birthday gifts, He handles all the financials discreetly and took away his wifes independence, and convinced her to combine her supa with his

[Sophie_M]

Dear Joe_the_Innocent27
 
Welcome back, it's great to see you again and glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post.  

We are sorry to hear that you are going through this with your father and it's understandable that you would be feeling this way.  While you are waiting for someone to respond to your post, we thought that the following support service might be of some help and which has lots of useful resources on gaining a deeper understanding of what you have spoken about this evening:

1800 RESPECT Click Here or call 1800 737 732 and also
1800 RESPECT Chat online Click Here
 
If ever you feel like you need to talk this through, we are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat Click Here .  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
We’re sure you will hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards
 
Sophie M

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I have no experience or work history, no interest in studies at 28, plus not wanting to work median miserable jobs, I will be struggling, always fearing my future, I only get Centrelink because of my mis diagnosis with Schizophrenia, just feel like sleeping without fearing, because it's all the same. I don't need to waste time with second mental health reviews, doctors come at me with their linear thinking and assure me that the psychiatrist's are professionals, when I know I'm mis understood with this diagnosis, Plus now having pre diabetes and my gallbladder removed, I only have $30,000 savings and DSP, I have no friendship's and everyone from high school was toxic, which greatly effected my self esteem, I have no prior exposure to girls/women, after my parents die eventually I only have my twin brother and his not with his own security, he has different hopes, but he hasn't started his life either, but my concerns are about myself and not him because everyone needs their own feet against this world 

[Croix]

Dear Joe_The_Innocent27

Welcome back, I can see life has handed you a pretty hard time. Your father sounds a horrible person and if you listened to him you would feel worse about yourself. On top of that for a very long time you have been diagnosed with Schizophrenia, which you think is a mistake. Now you body had problems wiht gall bladder and diabetes. That's an awful lot to cope with.

Under the circumstances and living on a DSP one can often be isolated from many parts of life. Reading between the lines I get that impression for you - have I made a mistake? Being isolated does tend to magnify problems, even important ones, so they tend to take over one's life. I had this when I was invalided out of work and just sat at home.

I also get the impression you have already made efforts to get your diagnosis changed, wihtout success.

Which diagnosis one has can be important, until my PTSD was recognized I was just being treated for depression and anxiety, so then it changed to something more effective. Still if you have tried already it can be pretty hard ot keep on trying, and maybe it might be time for a rest. After all you can come back to it and at the moment you sound very stressed.

Rather than concentrate on the people at home and the lack of others, together with you condition, may I suggest that trying to find something interesting outside might help, and make the thing that are weighing you down less all-consuming

My first suggestion might be to see if you can volunteer anywhere a few hours a week. There are an enormous set of opportunities and not all are drudgery. Everything from a museum to an animal shelter , a thrift shop to helping the Rural fires authority. Plus an awful lot more.

In many you will find a friendly set of people and may gain skills and experience you would not otherwise have had.

Do you think this might be a start you might consider?

Croix

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

Hi thanks for the response, you made me feel better, I can see the thought your giving into my situation, a lot of people just leave cliché responses, so I feel happier that I see your meaningful response. So with my father he rotates, he virtually doesn't bother me much anymore, but he can use my diagnosis as a means to correct my sanity or question it, I have had a few tribunals and medical second reviews before, but because my history is complex with me having 4 hospital omissions over 12 years, it's all complicated but on the inside I know I'm not Schizophrenic 

I was wanting to work a few hours per week whilst claiming my DSP, eventually 15 hours x3 a week, but to start with something smaller, just because I'm not sure which types of jobs are a good fit for me 

It can be annoying and a on going stress dealing with Centrelink and Vic Roads, they have no consideration most of the time

I often look at my cholecystectomy scars from having my gallbladder removed, and I often feel vulnerable from being pre diabetic, worried that everything's fine, but I get blood tests per 6 months, and I'm due for one this month, the only thing I tell myself is, at least I get to be a healthy BMI than eating un healthier foods that others mindlessly eat 

I have my mother and my brother, I forgot to mention that on here, I just come on Beyond Blue for some outside opinion, it's limiting only talking to a few personalities, you need fresh perspectives some times

Thanks so much for your response Croix