Im not coping

[Captain T]

Hi all. I just need to get this out somewhere. I am in a very dark place. I feel as though someone is sitting on my chest and have so much emotional pain yet feel numb at the same time. Im alone and lonely. I hate myself and who I am. I am so tired of fighting to get well and when I go to bed I pray to not wake up. I can’t keep going on like this. I need to get better

[Croix]

Dear Captain T~

My main aim was to let you know I was a suicidal wreck but am now in a pretty good position and enjoy most of life, due a great deal to medical assistance.

The rest of waht I said may help tide you over until you see your psych -as I mentioned you give in a point-form list to work from, they then say what the plan will be. It's judgment free and they are used to people in your circumstances.

Remember to you are the boss, you can ask any questions you like and point out things you feel might not work. It was not nearly as bad as I anticipated.

With the BeyondNow app, that might take me a few lines to explain in simple words how to use it so you feel comfortable and find it works so I'll leave that for tonight.

Please give your little dog a pat for me

Croix

[Petal22]

Hi Captain T,

We have good days and bad days and that’s ok…….

I understand when it’s raining and we can’t get outside it’s a bit frustrating…… maybe on those days you could google a workout you could do inside…. It will still help you to get the good endorphins going.

Inside every seed lies a great forest, but it needs to be planted.

For a seed to grow it needs to be dropped in the dirt, covered in darkness, broken, and then struggle to reach the light.

But when it’s finally out through the passage of time, it becomes all that it’s destined to be.

What you are going through Captain T is birthing something GREAT within you…

You may not see it yet but when you look back you will see this and understand it… just give it time and keep persevering.

[Captain T]

Thanks for your support guys. 

not a good day today but I’m learning from myself and from you all that I can just try again tomorrow 

[white knight]

Hi Captain T  welcome

When new to coping with mental health issues we are in no man's land. It's a steep learning curve.

Some of those learning curves are-

• Accepting that we aren't alone. Posting on this forum is a great first step. We'll done
• Accepting we need professional help.
• That we don't underestimate the seriousness of symptoms eg many people don't think anxiety is serious... it is very serious.
• Realising that recovery or partial recovery is very possible
• That as patients we don't think happiness is possible- believe me, you can be happy, productive and loved.

So I recommend you attend your GP and explain all of your issues there. 

Are you a student? Working? Feel free in this safe anonymous place to reach out further.

TonyWK 

[Captain T]

Thanks White Knight

It has been quite a scary time and I’m learning a lot about myself. At the moment most of it not good. But I’m listening to all the advice on here and taking it on board. I am very slowly climbing my way out. It’s one step forward then 5 steps back. It’s one hell of a ride and definitely a steep learning curve. 

Im trying to get into the gp but living in the country it’s not easy. I have an appointment booked for July 28. I also have an app with the Pdoc on the 12th so I see her before my gp knows where I’m at. 
I am scared of getting the help but have admitted that I can’t get through this without it. 

I work shift work. Basically it’s 5 on 5 off. The shifts consist of days and nights during the block with them being 12.5hr shifts. I’m preparing today for night shift tonight and tomorrow night. The last block I struggled mostly with the nights as it’s dark. As the night rolls in on most days that’s when my internal darkness rolls in. So I’m hoping that I can make it through the next 2 and then I can try and reset on my break. It’s also been constantly raining so that’s not helping at all. 

Thank you for listening 

[Captain T]

How do I stop every single night being black? Whether I’m at home or going to work it’s always black. 

[Petal22]

Hi Captain T,

Im sorry you are feeling this way at night, how do you stop it from being so black?

Try to distract yourself 

Maybe phone or visit a friend 

Listen to some music 

Practice mindfulness 

In time Captain T things will improve, hang in there 😊

[Captain T]

Tonight is really bad.

I’m not ok.
I can’t distract myself at all. I don’t have a friend I can call. Music is not getting me out of my head.
I’m going to bed. Hopefully everything goes away in the morning. 

All I can cling to is that tomorrow may be better. 
I was doing better. 

[Petal22]

Sorry to hear you aren’t ok Captain T.

Please remember you can always call our friendly councillors anytime on:

1300 22 4636.

[Captain T]

So I have been in a really bad place and on the weekend I came close to ending it all. I didn’t know what else to do and wasn’t in any state to ask for help. 
I did see a therapist today and it was a good start. I feel emotionally and mentally drained but their words of ‘they can’t help me if I’m not alive to help’ did change my mindset a little.

I have to give this a try and see if it will help. It’s my only hope.