Life feels like an uphill battle with no hope

[ionic]

For years I have felt utterly useless everything I try I fail and just when life started to look bright it went 180. school started to go well I got into a relationship people were talking to me and respecting me but now I just feel empty and horrible again I feel like im about to fail all my classes due to my lack of effort brought on by my mood which are the only things ive actually felt good at I feel like im a second choice for everyone like no one thinks of me when im out of sight. Even the person im dating who is like the first person to ever  truly care about me it feels like im just a substitue beacuse they cant have who they truly want along with the myriad of other problems that seem to run my life. Im scared of the future but I can't get the drive to fix what scares me I feel like im constantly at war with myself I feel drained and scared all the time. I just really needed to vent and scream out some where beacuse I don't really have anyone to talk with and even if I did it feels immpossible to have them understand. 

[james1]

Hello ionic,

I'm so sad to hear you feel useless and have no hope. I really understand what you mean when you say you feel like you're constantly at war with yourself. It's a feeling I had for years, and I hope these forums can be a safe space for you to vent or use in whatever way you need. It's what helped me, at least.

If you would like to talk more, please reply here when you feel ready. Otherwise, I hope I can leave you for the moment with a reminder that the person you are dating does see something in you, even if you don't see it yourself. I also see strength and a desire to keep going up that hill, which I think has to count for something.

Take care for now

James

[Rach28]

hi there. I wanted to write a response and i seriously know how you feel. Believe me I seriously do! 

I'm currently at a stage in my life still grieving the fact i rehomed my beloved pet 6 months ago. My anxiety has returned stronger than ever and depression too - what fun! 

And worst part about all of this is exactly as you said - i want to scream and yell. I want to punch a brick wall so badly. I'm constantly frustrated with my life. I'm not happy with it. I know I can do better but everything feels so impossible. It feels so hard to achieve what I want. I'm sorry you feel this way and are struggling in many aspects of your life. I personally know that my anxiety personally is linked to my ptsd. I am a victim of abuse, victim of domestic abuse, and victim of sexual assaults - multiple. To this day I am in survival mode. I am trying my best to function in a society that doesnt understand me and labels me on a constant basis. I struggle to seek support because I have to open up about alot of personal stuff that honestly feels like im vomiting words. 

Please know its normal to feel frustrated and angry. I feel like this on a daily basis even over stupid things like not being able to buy a drink from mcdonalds. Please know its okay to struggle to open up - I struggle to open up. It takes a safe place and a trustworthy person for you feel like you can be so honest they dont judge you or label you. Thats so rare! Society judges us and labels us. Defining our worth for us! Its truly sad! 

If you ever want to reach out please know I will listen.