I've been in therapy for 6 going on 7 years now, it's been with a
psychologist and it's basic talk therapy and I will say it has helped me
to a degree but it's only gotten me so far, I was diagnosed with
clinical depression and moderate to severe soc...
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I've been in therapy for 6 going on 7 years now, it's been with a
psychologist and it's basic talk therapy and I will say it has helped me
to a degree but it's only gotten me so far, I was diagnosed with
clinical depression and moderate to severe social anxiety, I've mostly
gotten over the anxiety, I still have bouts of pretty bad anxiety but
I've learned to get through them, the depression has stuck though, no
matter what I've tried it only works for a little while and then it
creeps back in, I feel like I have no control over it, I am medicated
for it, each day, as far as I know it is one of the most effective AD's.
Lately the depression is just really bad, I have lost interest in pretty
much everything, I'm currently unemployed so there's that, I have no IRL
friends anymore, my one and only friend fobbed me off and is blaming me
for it as well as everything else wrong with him, I'm angry at him, at
others, I have slept most days the last month unless I have to be
somewhere which isn't very often, if I do get up I sit/lie on the couch
watching YouTube or streaming something to keep my attention from
leading me back to bed, I'm exhausted both mentally and physically and
and I just don't care about anything, I don't want a relationship or
family, I can't make friends, I'm 43 this year and my mum and dad will
be gone soon, my sister is in another country with her family, I will
soon have no one, and while that scares me to a degree I look forward to
it, I can stop pretending I'm fine, that I want a "normal" life, someone
said once it's called apanthropy, I looked it up and it suits me to a
tee, I know my thoughts are all over the place, another reason I find it
so hard to explain myself to others, I know I'm abnormal, I don't mind
being that. But when people say I'm just lazy and to just stop being
depressed and do something I get so mad, like they just don't get and I
hope they never feel anything close to what I do each day, I feel most
people wouldn't be able to cope as well as I think I have without doing
something drastic, yeah I've only been there once in my life and I know
it's not the answer. Some or all of this won't make sense to many, I
just had to get it out I guess.