Hi everyone, I'm back.

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, mb20lover here. I wasn't sure where to post this.

It's been a while since I was on the forums, so I just wanted to make a post saying that I'm back. However, I'll try my best to limit my time, comments, etc on here.

I won't bother tagging anyone, and I'll try to keep this as my only open thread that I have created.

I've missed everyone I've spoken to on here, and I hope to talk to some new people. I have been using my offline supports - my Psychiatrist, GP, Parent support of course, and a Social Worker. I'm in the process of finding a Psychologist but I'm having no luck.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello, and also I hope I haven't upset anyone on the forums or anything like that because nothing was intentional, so I deeply apologise.

An update on me, I recently turned 21, can't do much with COVID though, it's a hard year for everyone unfortunately.

I also have a milestone, an achievement, I've been seeing my Psychiatrist for a year which is the longest I've stayed with a therapist. And I also finally have a GP I feel comfortable with. I'm on different meds that seem to be working a little but I still of course have my moments, but these meds I've been on the longest for out of any of the ones I've tried.

Other than that, please don't feel pressured to comment anyone, although it would be nice to connect with some people, old or new, but like I said that's okay. I just wanted to check in.

If you've read this and made it this far, thank you. Stay safe and take care everyone, as much as possible with the unfortunate COVID circumstances.

Thinking of all the Beyond Blue Mods & Users. I've missed everyone.

- mb20lover.

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I am seeing how you are and how's your mother.I know what a hard time you are going through at the moment.My thoughts are with you.
Take care,
Your friend,
Mark.

[Guest_4643]

Hey Mark, thank you.

She's still on the breathing thing up her nose (I don't know what thats called, sorry) but she's sitting in the chair and she's eating, and more alert. Thats basically all I guess.

I see my Psychiatrist tomorrow so I'll probably let him know and ask if I can see him and the GP more than once a month again because I can't cope this long.

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I hope your appointment goes well for you tomorrow and ask if you can see him sooner.I am just exhausted from the heat at the moment.It started of cooler this morning and got hot real hot this afternoon.
Take care,
Mark.

[Guest_4643]

Thanks Mark, I hope so too, I'll ask. Added some family members I haven't spoken to and met yet on Facebook tonight, hopefully that goes well. Seems ok so far.

I know about the heat, I'm the same. Take care too.

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I hope your appointment went well for you Friday.Thinking of you.
Take care,
Mark.

[AliasKind]

Hi Tayla,

Noticed you had gone quiet and wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and that I care.

With kindness x

[Jstar49]

Hey Tayla,

I second that.... Is everything ok?

How's your mum going now?

Also, does your little country town where you live do Christmas carols?

Thinking of you,

J*

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone. I haven't been on here much lately. Thank you all for coming here and commenting though.

My Mum is ok now, thank you. I've just been struggling, I don't know if my meds are working because I don't feel any different, I still feel depressed etc but at the same time I feel numb. I don't know what these meds are supposed to do and how they're meant to make me feel. I've had nightmares & flashbacks (mostly nightmares) on all of my meds but these ones i'm on now make the nightmares more frequent, so 2-3 a night. Or I may have 1 weird dream then a nightmare, in the same night. Which is weird because I struggle with insomnia so I stay up late, then I sleep in, everyday. I've always struggled with sleep. It takes me about 1 hour to fall asleep then I wake up and so on.

I ended up seeing a Psychologist over Telehealth, she was ok, but I can't see her until Feb, so I don't know if I'll stick with her or try and find another one. I'm struggling a lot in between sessions with the GP and Psychiatrist. I saw them both before Christmas. I feel like I had a bad session with my Psychiatrist and upset him, I hope I didn't, I sent an email after the session but haven't heard back. So it's been on my mind a lot.

My GP is nice but not much help. I told him about my Bunion and asked for a referral to the local Podiatrist so I don't have to pay $60+ but he said no. Even over the Christmas period I could've got an appointment in the new year, sigh.

So I'm in pain with this and now blisters on that same foot. Christmas wasn't the best for me, just my Parents & I as usual. We invited one of my Dad's brothers up but he couldn't come. My Auntie was bullying me over Christmas, also one of Dad's sisters, constantly attacking me and holding my mental illnesses against me like she always does.

Those cousins I started talking to barely message me, I always get left on read. With my AVPD, this makes me feel worthless etc and I just put myself down.

So yeah I don't know what to do anymore. But I hope everyone had a good Christmas and has a good New Years.

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I am sorry that you have been struggling and your Christmas wasn't good.I just spent mine by myself.Medications can be one of those things that can have side effects and not work as well you hope.It is very hard getting in psychologist these days,always seem to be a long wait.I am glad your mum is out of hospital as it would have been a scarey time for you.I am sorry who couldn't get your bunion looked at They are painful to have to and being in pain with it dosn't help your mental health.I have a painful boil but it's a bit better at the moment.I was going to see my doctor but she's on holidays again.
Take care,
Mark.

[Guest_4643]

Hi Mark, sorry to hear that. My Christmas was just with my Parents, but I guess at least I have them.

My GP and Psychiatrist are away too, not on holidays, just not working. I don't see them until mid next month. I asked if I could see my Psychiatrist more often since he was seeing me every 2-3 weeks for a bit but he said he can't because that's not how he practices. I guess one reason could be if others find out, they'd want that too. Sigh