Hi everyone, I'm back.

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, mb20lover here. I wasn't sure where to post this.

It's been a while since I was on the forums, so I just wanted to make a post saying that I'm back. However, I'll try my best to limit my time, comments, etc on here.

I won't bother tagging anyone, and I'll try to keep this as my only open thread that I have created.

I've missed everyone I've spoken to on here, and I hope to talk to some new people. I have been using my offline supports - my Psychiatrist, GP, Parent support of course, and a Social Worker. I'm in the process of finding a Psychologist but I'm having no luck.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello, and also I hope I haven't upset anyone on the forums or anything like that because nothing was intentional, so I deeply apologise.

An update on me, I recently turned 21, can't do much with COVID though, it's a hard year for everyone unfortunately.

I also have a milestone, an achievement, I've been seeing my Psychiatrist for a year which is the longest I've stayed with a therapist. And I also finally have a GP I feel comfortable with. I'm on different meds that seem to be working a little but I still of course have my moments, but these meds I've been on the longest for out of any of the ones I've tried.

Other than that, please don't feel pressured to comment anyone, although it would be nice to connect with some people, old or new, but like I said that's okay. I just wanted to check in.

If you've read this and made it this far, thank you. Stay safe and take care everyone, as much as possible with the unfortunate COVID circumstances.

Thinking of all the Beyond Blue Mods & Users. I've missed everyone.

- mb20lover.

[Guest_4643]

Yeah that's true Mark. I'll be seeing another GP until he gets back. He was meant to be back in June but now it's extended & his profile is off the booking website. So I'm thinking either later in June or July the latest.

[Guest_4643]

Been feeling like no one cares about me and what I have to say lately, and no one cares that I'm struggling. My so called cousins don't even talk to me & then share stuff like "don't waste time on people", etc. I mean I try & get ignored so what am I supposed to do?

Anxious about seeing a replacement GP in a few weeks, & telling my Psychiatrist. If I need any meds or whatever then I guess I'd have to get my Psychiatrist to do it since this GP probably wouldn't want to get involved. But then when my GP gets back I'd feel awkward seeing him again given what he said.

[golden82]

Hey Tayla,

You are cared about here 🙂

Not sure what happened with your GP - tried to read back and couldn't find it (I am in a bad way too - so the brain is a bit fried sorry). But I have had a bad GP - put up with her for 2.5 years. Only just finally determined to seek out better. If this is the same for you, if you are not being heard etc then by all means you deserve better!! Believe in yourself. It is hard, I know, but you can do it.

[Guest_4643]

i don't feel cared for at all.

with the GP, i said that i was in pain and distress and he said "what do you want me to do about it?". he's away for a few months and his partner passed away last week suddenly so he'll be away for a while or may not come back at all.

the clinic is letting his patients, including me, see other doctors in the meantime.

[golden82]

Okay - thanks for filling me in. I have had similar experiences with GP being dismissive and getting nowhere. It is up to you; but perhaps now is an opportunity to try out another GP? I think you deserve better - I think we all do. Best of luck with it.

[Guest_4643]

i'm seeing a different one while he's away but maybe only once, i don't know. i just give up seeking help. i get bullied and treated like crap regardless

[Matchy69]

I am sorry it seems like no one cares but on here I know I do and so do lots of others do.I hope you can see you have plenty of support here for you.

Take care,

Mark.

[Guest_4643]

my heart feels so broken and beyond repair, just like my mind. it feels like it's in a million pieces. it hurts. i ache everyday mentally and physically. i'm just sleeping, i don't have a life. i don't have a purpose. i don't see the point of waking up, even to eat. i manage to eventually but it's hard. i know i'm lazy, a failure, and everything else bad.

i hate myself and i'm so ashamed of myself, i disgust myself. i hate everything about myself, inside and out. these suicidal thoughts are so intense. on a scale from 1-10 it's definitely a 10. i'm safe but the thoughts are impossible to get rid of.

i can't keep going. i feel so alone. i'm struggling so much. i keep trying to fight and distract myself and seek help off helplines and here but nothing is working.

i keep getting bullied, and i can't ignore it because i have PTSD for one, and two, it's happened to me my whole life. i get so triggered by this stuff amongst other things.

i was going ok until my GP said what he said. i haven't been able to get over it. i went there for help and he shouldn't have said that. most people would get over it but i can't.

the replacement GP(s) probably won't be able to do anything. it seems like no med or even therapy of any kind is going to work for me. i've tried about 8 or 9 and i've stopped and changed them for different reasons. this one i'm on has to be one of the worst. i feel more anxious and depressed and i'm sleeping more. i feel so angry and upset even over the smallest things.

i get pains in the chest because i just ache so much. i don't know what to do. my Psychologist hasn't given me any therapy yet. i emailed her earlier saying i'm struggling and to send her something she wanted me to.

everything sucks and keeps getting worse.

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I am so sorry you are feeling so low and are so badly effected by what the doctor said.Moving on from things like that is really difficult and I can feel your pain through your words.I have been bullied most of my life once it was people who I didn't really know and now it's from people I trust and a different kind of bullying now.I have been on that many different medication I have lost count some work for awhile and just seem to stop.Your not alone I how you are feeling and have support on here.

Take care,

Mark.

[monkey_magic]

Hi mb20lover,

You're doing your absolute best in my opinion. You're venting your frustrations and disappointments on here, you're doing your best to get help even though those professionals are flawed, you've tried taking different medications.

The symptoms and effects of the medications are a lot, I know. I've been medicated with many different kinds too.

I've also had to learn patience and turned to many different ppl for help, I too have called helplines, I still do.

As I lay here in my life I realise I'm the most important person in it. Countless ppl have broken my heart in my life, I have even broken my own heart but I still lay here, healing, and replenishing my energy.

These days I fuel my body with healthy foods, and read as much as I can.

I haven't solved all of my health problems but I am replenishing my good energy and hope to get better one day.

You are trying....

People are on your side...

Look at Matchy, this wonderful human cares so much, he's stuck around this whole journey.

And I can guarantee there are many others reading along who have been wanting things to improve for you as do you!

Just thought I'd remind you of that.

💖