Hi M-aggie
I feel so much for you as you face the pure exhaustion that can be found within a depression. It can be brutal and unrelenting and the longer it goes on for the more you start to forget what life was like when the energy was there. If 'life' is the feeling of energy running through us, to not feel that energy can leave us thinking 'What's the point? Why am I even here?'.
Personally, I think we're here to discover who we are and who we're not. We're here to discover how we work. We're here to discover what raises us and what brings us down, what energises us and what zaps the life from us or depresses us. We're here for a whole number of reasons. It can take a lifetime to come to truly know ourself. As a 55yo gal, I have some self understanding but am yet to reach a full understanding.
M-aggie, I've found a lot comes down to what I imagine. Sounds simplistic but I've found this to be the case over the years. I think it's about imagining the stuff that works for us, as individuals. While I offer a few examples, keep in mind I'm a bit of a 'woo woo' gal😁. I like to imagine that I was born to find out who I am. I like to imagine that I was born to feel, while coming to my senses (including that sixth sense or those extended senses beyond the physical ones). I like to imagine I am far more than what I think I am or believe myself to be. If I can let go of some of my old beliefs bit by bit, I will come to know who I naturally am more and more. I will discover why I'm so special and what my natural talents are. I've become more of a soulful or woo woo gal for good reason and that's partly based on psychology and biology not being enough for me. While they definitely offer insight into who we are and how we tick, I believe there's something so much deeper to who we are, otherwise we wouldn't suffer so much through not fully knowing ourself in natural or deeper ways.
While I've experienced biological reasons for depression and psychological reasons, there definitely have also been times where that 'Dark night of the soul' vibe has been a thing, including at this point of my life. As we make our way through the darkness, it becomes about having light shed on what we're experiencing, so that it becomes so much clearer to us exactly where we are and where we need to head.
M-aggie, I'm an absolute shocker when it comes to remembering my dreams. It's been said that the best way to recall dreams involves writing them down while in a semi-conscious state, that in between state when we're still half asleep but half awake or waking up at the same time. So, a foot in each world (the dream world and the real world). Dreams can be incredibly telling and they can be of guidance in some cases. There are times when we wake up from a dream and think 'Well that was absolute nonsense' and then there are times where we can think 'There was definitely something to that which is worth wondering about'. I've met with some of my greatest revelations through making sense of certain more memorable nightmares.
