The exhaustion of trying to act "normal" - anyone else?

Guest_10343

Hi everyone. I’m a first-time poster here. I’ve been reading through some of the threads over the last few days, and honestly, just seeing that I’m not the only one feeling like this has brought me a little bit of comfort.

I’ve been struggling with what I suspect is depression for a while now, but the hardest part lately is the physical and mental exhaustion of trying to act "normal" around everyone else.

I go to work, I smile, I make small talk, and I try to keep up with friends, but it feels like I’m wearing a really heavy mask all day. By the time I get home, I have absolutely nothing left in the tank. I just collapse on the couch and can't even find the energy to cook dinner or do the dishes.

I’m so terrified of opening up to the people in my life because I don’t want to be a burden, or worse, have them tell me I just need to "get more sleep" or "think positive."

Does anyone else struggle with this specific kind of exhaustion? How do you slowly start taking the mask off, or at least explain to the people close to you that you are running on empty?

I’d really appreciate any advice or just hearing from people who understand. Thank you.

therising

An incredibly warm welcome to you as you look at navigating the way ahead at this time in your life, while looking to shed light on the best way forward.

From my own experience, I've found it pays to get a feel for who's who. What I mean by that is there are some people who'll give us advice through being able to sense where we're coming from while also being able to see for us when it comes to us gaining a sense of direction. Then there are those who will offer all that typical advice that definitely doesn't feel like a plan of any sort: 'You just need to smile more often', 'You need to get out there and exercise more', 'You need to stop thinking so much' etc etc. My fave would have to be 'You're too sensitive. You need to toughen up'. There's a whole list of 'go to' comments that we can feel as triggering in all the wrong ways. Btw, smiling can be important as it helps rewire the brain and promote certain chemistry, exercise or a bit of kinetic energy is important as it helps generate energy and not thinking so much can also be important while learning to detach from feeling our thoughts so much through our nervous system. At the end of the day though, it's not a matter of just flicking a switch and happily smiling, running a marathon or mastering emotions through thoughtlessness. The kind of strategies needed can be complex and many and that's where the actual plans lie, in the key strategies. Some folk can be all talk without ever giving us a solid sense of the way forward (a plan to follow). And when it comes to 'toughening up', I've found it's definitely not about toughening up. With sensitivity, it's about coming to our senses in more strategic ways. How to emotionally detach or tune in, in highly constructive ways, means there's no need to 'toughen up'. The problem with toughened up or thick skinned people is they stop being able to sense. You know those insensitive types who you just can't get through to 😁

Not sure if this is the way to go but I've found what works for me involves telling insensitive people what they want to hear (to some degree), so that they won't offer me angering or depressing 'advice', while also finding sensitive people who are going to help me gain a sense of the way forward. With the less sensitive folk, I've found at times that I'm challenged to be honest with my feelings while trusting what I'm sensing. For example, if someone was to say to me 'You're too sensitive', to that my response would be 'Yes I am, which is exactly why I can sense that comment as triggering. If I was completely insensitive, I wouldn't be able to feel a damn thing. I much prefer you give me words that I can feel as inspirational'😊. Pure inspiration equals fuel, when we're running on empty. Sometimes it can be about challenging people to be more constructive and helpful, as opposed to settling for a lack of guidance or a lack of what fuels us.

Ggrand

Dear Guest,

I can relate to what you’re saying…putting on a happy mask while at work or around people then once at home the mask comes off and your totally exhausted from not being yourself…

I found that the people/ friends and family around us, even though they love us..just don’t understand depression, not because they don’t want to, it’s but because they haven’t experienced it and don’t know how we feel…

Guest, sometimes we need people to talk to, after much time struggling depression on my own, I reached out to my Dr. who done a small depression/anxiety test in her office, it only took around 5 minutes, and well worth it….I was put on a mental health care plan (free) counselling for 10 visits, which really helped me to understand my depression and get some coping tools to manage it better…Is going to your Dr. and talk about how you’re feeling so depressed something that you would consider? Just like a broken bone or any other illness, depression needs a professional to help us…

Wearing a mask everyday can be extremely exhausting, trying to put on a happy face, a big smile and just being someone that isn’t really us at the time…it’s like holding our breath for many hours, then we get home, and that breath just full on releases and then all of a sudden, we are so tired that we collapse into the lounge and for me I would let all that hidden me out in tears….Please Dear Guest, I’m gently urging you to reach out to your Dr. for the help that you so much deserve and need….

My kindest thoughts and care,

Grandy..

trying_my_best

Hi! Welcome to our forums!
I am glad you felt safe enough here to post!

I understand what you are going through, it’s been a while since my most recent bout of what I suspect was depression and I was feeling very much similar feelings. Eventually, it did get so exhausting keeping the mask on that I let it slip in front of my partner. That was the best decision I made for myself. In confiding in my partner I discussed some of the factors behind my heavy feelings, even when I truely didn’t know what they were.

Whenever I feel those feelings start to resurface, I have been booking myself in to see my universities counselling service. I was wondering if know of the services available to you for quick chats?

Wishing you the best 🫶

Guest_35641796

Thanks for sharing. I have just joined this forum and yours was the post that grabbed my attention as I feel the same way. I am here for similar reasons and I just had to gather myself before I entered the staff kitchen with a ‘put on a smile’ self coaching prompt!
I’ve just noticed how depressed I feel. I can point to issues at work and home and I feel really stuck.
before this bought of feeling low, I had handed out my own advice for when you’re feeling low and it was given back to me the other day. Look up. Look at the sky, the trees, the tops of buildings, anything. Lift your head and look up and out of yourself. It mostly works for me until I forget.
I long to be unstuck my current situation and I feel paralysed in knowing how to move forward. My wheels are spinning in the mud. I will take my own advice. I hope it can be useful for you too.