Depression

Can't find a reason to keep going

replies: 3

Don't want to keep going anymore. Can't believe I went through all of the sign up to end up here. Oh well. Its in writing now. I guess it's no longer just a thought....I am so damn weak and defective.

Not sure, but it could just be starting...

replies: 4

...I'm not depressed, because I can still wake up in the morning with energy with a purpose in mind. I lost my job almost a year ago, can't find another at the moment, the industry is tough with hundreds of competitions, bills piling up. I'm flatting... View more

...I'm not depressed, because I can still wake up in the morning with energy with a purpose in mind. I lost my job almost a year ago, can't find another at the moment, the industry is tough with hundreds of competitions, bills piling up. I'm flatting, I have a teen (young adult) who I've been fully supporting with payments since 2 and my ex can't complain about that, sending extra cash if I can, when I was employed. Since losing my job, I seemed to have lost half of my purpose, the other half being making sure to be always at my teen's side when I'm needed, we bond every weekends, eat out, drive around, play console games, but I feel like it's not enough. I also need a source of finance since driving to see my teen takes petrol (3 hours return) and something to pay for whatever she wants to eat and buy. Not sure where's this post going.... I really don't want to hurt my teen nor give out the idea that I'm giving up on life.. My teen is at the critical stage of her life, being confused and all, talking to me and telling me the difficulties of life while ignoring the mum, which makes me think I'm really deeply needed, still. Mum is sickly, she's now based overseas but bedridden, I want to look after her as well, but I'm torn between my teen and my mother. Most nights I always watch videos why I still need to do this, what's the point in all of this, and how it would probably be great not to wake up one day. I don't have friends, my 3 sibilings are all estranged, they have their own issues. I could say it's my teen that's pushing me to get out of bed in the morning, but my day will be mostly spent looking out the window, wondering when this will all end. Sorry for the long post, I just want to get this out of my head, life seems to be meaningless, esp. after dropping off my teen home after a weekend out...

Feel depressed

replies: 1

Hi, there was a change in the workplace and my role has been removed. This is purely about business but I feel I am not good enough and not worth it. How should I cope such a change…

Had an okay day,now feel like crap.

replies: 9

Dear All, Today I had the first nearly okay day I have had in 6 whole months. I have been working towards,even ASKING/BEGGING for just okay days. But as the sun is setting, I now am starting to feel so upset. Is it because I haven’t felt like this in... View more

Dear All, Today I had the first nearly okay day I have had in 6 whole months. I have been working towards,even ASKING/BEGGING for just okay days. But as the sun is setting, I now am starting to feel so upset. Is it because I haven’t felt like this in a long time? Is it because I am so used to feeling upset,that if I get upset again during the day, I have already felt it so it doesn’t hit so hard? Is it guilt? Do I feel guilty to feel NEARLY OKAY?What is wrong with me?ABC01

Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

replies: 11

Hi. I'm not quite sure which forum to put this in, but since all my symptoms lead back to depression I hope this is the right place. Apologies if not. I've been living with depression for at least two decades, most of that time untreated. I was also ... View more

Hi. I'm not quite sure which forum to put this in, but since all my symptoms lead back to depression I hope this is the right place. Apologies if not. I've been living with depression for at least two decades, most of that time untreated. I was also self harming most of that time, but managed to painstakingly reduce & eventually stop that harmful activity, I haven't hurt myself for the past 4 years. Lately I've had enormous stress and try manage it with exercise, but it feels insurmountable & developed a habit of picking at threads in clothing or bedding until they come apart! Keeping my fingers busy as I'm sacred of reverting to old bad habits. I have ruined shirts, tops, bedding. If there's a thread I'll go for it. I find this destructive act cathartic, but still destructive. Working in the day is no problem either. But when resting at night, and my thoughts catch up with me, is when my fingers go to town. My next appointment with my councillor is over 3 weeks away, but I can't wait around while I ruin my things. Do anyone have ideas to keep your hands busy? I'm looking for healthy activities until I make my next appt. Thank you. R.

Frozen in fear

replies: 1

Hello all. I’ve no doubts that I suffer from depression and anxiety. My biggest hurdle, is that I make headways at bettering myself, only to regress backwards into a frozen fearful world. At present, realisation has made me painfully aware, how littl... View more

Hello all. I’ve no doubts that I suffer from depression and anxiety. My biggest hurdle, is that I make headways at bettering myself, only to regress backwards into a frozen fearful world. At present, realisation has made me painfully aware, how little friends I have. My inept ability hinders me in making new friends, or how I don’t follow through to keep them. My self loathe and hatred, blinds me into believing that I am not worthy and inferior as I don’t work, when others do. I feel judged or scorned because I am not experiencing the struggles most others endure. I volunteer and study, but can’t shake the feeling of worthlessness. My family has grown and I am often overlooked. Discarded, only spoken to when they need something from me. I have no connections or resources to help them in today’s social and economic climate. I am useless, of no consequence or of value to others. I try so hard to move forwards in the positive, but I let myself down with a “why bother, I’d still be alone and lonely”. My hatred and self loathing is tangible and my self esteem can only be judged by how others never contact me. I am a worthless individual whose only redeeming feature, is that I am always there for others. How can I possibly find solace in knowing what a complete and utter failure I am. Loneliness is cruel and I am completely incapable of moving forward and making friends. Yes, I’ve tried counselling etc., only to find very little joy in life. So tired of being tired and isolated.

Giving up

replies: 2

My life was doomed to fail. So many bad decisions. Poor guidance. No direction. Nothing seems to quell this pain. I’m lost and confused. Feeble and self sabotaging. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself even when I can. I’m so useless. I feel lik... View more

My life was doomed to fail. So many bad decisions. Poor guidance. No direction. Nothing seems to quell this pain. I’m lost and confused. Feeble and self sabotaging. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself even when I can. I’m so useless. I feel like I’ve been failed by everyone in my life but in reality I did this all to myself. That’s why it hurts so bad, because I know it’s my fault. I didn’t try hard enough. I didn’t try much at all because I didn’t have to. Then when I did try some things I ultimately ended up quitting for stupid reasons, excuses I gave myself to feel better about being a failure. It doesn’t work though. I still dwell on every single failure, beating myself up for it constantly. My entire life has been nothing but failure and giving up. The slightest adversity makes me quit. Of course this has made my life much harder than it has to be. Not that it is actually that hard mind you, I’m incredibly privileged in many ways. Yet I still hate life and love wallowing in self pity all the time. It’s what I’m doing right now. But having failed so much doesn’t help your image. Having missed out on so much only makes it that much harder to try again. The boat I missed just keeps sailing further and further away and it’s getting harder to keep swimming. The only thing I live for is daydreaming and the internet. Screens have been my main coping mechanism in life, and it has equally destroyed my life. Even now, I’m on my phone. I spend everyday on my phone, it’s practically glued to my hand. Or I’m playing video games. It’s either a phone screen, computer screen, or game console screen that I’m focused on. Every day on repeat. So much time was wasted away like this, so much time I could have been doing something to better my future, work towards a goal, be a productive member of society. But I didn’t, and I won’t. I never even considered my future. I never really wanted to do anything else but waste time. And I still don’t. I don’t feel any motivation or drive to fix anything even though I’m so depressed. The best years of my life are gone and I didn’t even enjoy them while I was there. I’m a defeatist. Nothing is ever good enough. I can never be satisfied with myself or my abilities. I’m embarrassed of myself. I hate myself. I don’t like talking about myself or saying what I like out of shame. I’m not really sure what I even like anymore. I don’t talk to anyone, not even my own family if I can help it. I am ashamed to be in their presence. I am nothing but a burden to them. I know my negativity and constant low moods brings everyone around me down but I can’t help it. I just can’t pretend and fake a good mood like everyone else can. So I try to stay hidden and out of the way as best I can. That’s all there is to say really. TLDR; I’ve given up, I always give up. I barely even tried. I never put in any effort and quit in a heartbeat. I gave up years ago. And I’m so close to just throwing in the towel entirely. I’m basically screaming into the void here as a last resort no matter how fruitless. Because no advice is going to fix the fact that I have no discipline or self control. Truly the only person who can help me is myself, but I know I’m incapable of that and I’m never going to change. Because it’s too hard and I’m weak. Maybe I’m just looking for someone who can relate to this feeling of self hatred. But I guess when you’re at rock bottom the only way is up.

I'm trying to be better but today got the better of me.

replies: 2

So today was hard.Work was stressful but I asked for help instead of trying to deal with everything myself. I had an anxiety attack, but spoke with my manager and let her know so I could take a walk and deal with it. So.. all good right?Until I got h... View more

So today was hard.Work was stressful but I asked for help instead of trying to deal with everything myself. I had an anxiety attack, but spoke with my manager and let her know so I could take a walk and deal with it. So.. all good right?Until I got home and my husband and I had a fight. I HATE conflict. I will usually back off and not say how I am feeling. This time I didn't back off. I told my husband not to swear at me or talk down to me. He just couldn't see my side of things. I don't want to get into the fight. That isn't the point of this post. But after he left to go his friends place I got so angry! I was walking into our bedroom and I picked up our wedding photo and threw it. The glass smashed and the moment I did it, I felt like an absolute idiot. Now I am sitting here crying over broken freaking glass and feeling like I ruined everything. I want to text my husband and beg him to forgive me and tell him it's all my fault and just make it all go away. This is what happens whenever I stand up for myself, nothing changes and I just end up feeling like crap. I just want to give up some days because no matter what I do, I am always the arsehole. That's what my stupid brain is telling me right nowTrying so hard not to spiral.I hope one day I can come to these forums and say that I am doing better

Depressed about work

replies: 6

Hi How are you? I'm an awful person, at times I think where I work the people are horrible.Well management are, but its just my head that's saying this. I can't seem to see anything good in them.I've tried but my head just thinks their stupid They ar... View more

Hi How are you? I'm an awful person, at times I think where I work the people are horrible.Well management are, but its just my head that's saying this. I can't seem to see anything good in them.I've tried but my head just thinks their stupid They are nice - just when their happy, when their stressed their horrible.My brain is stuffed I think - just stuffed & I've been reading mindfulness & everything to help me, but it doesn't work.Plus too, I can't talk to management, like a normal person, if I say something wrong, they get offended (though this is my brain that's telling me this)I'm just horrible- calling them stupid etc.

Depression

replies: 1

Am not sure if I posted on this before. Is it normal to feel constantly stressed and depressed? I feel like that I don’t have control over my thoughts and emotions. I feel like that I am constantly on edge and my thoughts interfere with my daily life... View more

Am not sure if I posted on this before. Is it normal to feel constantly stressed and depressed? I feel like that I don’t have control over my thoughts and emotions. I feel like that I am constantly on edge and my thoughts interfere with my daily life. Doesn’t matter what I do, it makes me feel sad and down. Am seeing a psychologist once a week, but in between I’m feeling really sad. I’m not sure how to cope anymore. Thanks for reading. SilvaLady

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Can't find a reason to keep going

replies: 3