Im 43. I live with my parents. I have had agoraphobia in my past and
social phobia, anxiety and depression.My parents have never been able to
be emotionally there for me. Ive been through sexual abuse as a teenager
and also emotional and sexual abuse...
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Im 43. I live with my parents. I have had agoraphobia in my past and
social phobia, anxiety and depression.My parents have never been able to
be emotionally there for me. Ive been through sexual abuse as a teenager
and also emotional and sexual abuse in my early 20s. Those events shaped
my life ful of shame and fear. When i was 14, we moved somewhat off grid
on acres. After my 1st trauma, i stopped seeing friends and socialising.
It was too difficult to get my dad to take me places as he was always
working and mum being deaf never drove.in my 20s i would walk an hour
into town for things, id study at tafe, donmy shopping and walk an hour
back. I was too scared to learn to drive because i thought id be alone
in a car with a man and also i had quite bad social phobia which
included phone phobia too. When i turned 30 i did get my driving licence
and a car and then years later i got a job. I was independent, happy and
made some work friends. Then i got a boyfriend form work, But he had
paranoid schizophrenia and a drug habit i didnt know about. It got hard
to hang put with him, as the years went by i found myself shrinking for
him and enduring behavioural changes in him from mania, psychosis,
disinhibition, mental abuse. This wore me down. Then my work liquidated
and so I volunteered at large thrift store. Then came covid, and i
stayed home more again. After covid my car broke down and for a year i
was selling on eBay, old books id find for cheap. I made enough money by
the end of the year to get my Suzuki Swift second hand. I am on
disability pension. For 2 years i loved my car, looked after it. It was
mine, although i would always have to take my mum places, appointments,
her outings etc.Dad would play bowls. Then 3 years ago dads car caught
fire despite it being a new car, and him being stubborn he had no
insurance on it. So my car became the family car. I wouldnt let dad
drive my car, but i had to drive him and pick him up from bowls plus
take mum to her things, or whilst i was trying to make do with my eBay
selling business.i started to get very depressed and anxious,
overwhelmed and just wanted my dad to get himself a car again. Then that
June of that year, he declared we were moving out of our beloved acres
of 26 years asap within 2 months as he thought with the sale he could
invest in Silver and potentially get my sister a house. He got abusive
and alot of things happened in that time that broke me to the point
where i still had to function. There was a point where i was secretly
online to mental health services inbetween helping with just me and dad
with a hired ute moving the entire contents of our house to the new
place which was an old dump. Anyways the move is another story. My main
point is that its been 2 years and my dad still hasnt got his own car.
They had $280,000 in inheritance and he still wont buy himself a car. i
am expected to drive him to bowls or let him have my car. I am expected
to pick him up from bowls, this is from 4 days ago week to more. Im also
quietly expected to take mum when ever she needs to go out.He wont get a
car because he reckons he has too many assets and Centrelink will deduct
their pension plus the costs. I pay my petrol and all my car things, but
im expected to use my time, my petrol constantly for them. Now i dont
pay rent, they own the house but i have offered and been refused. He has
no intention of getting a car and will fill in for people or volunteer
at bowls without even checking the calender. Im left to feel discouraged
to go out often.Also he has driven my car when hes been drunk after I’ve
picked him up from bowls, wanting to drive to the pokies. Hes banged it
into the veranda post, causing paint damage and a big dent on the front
if my car and driven off, later not even mentioning it or saying sorry.
Tho one day he said my car doesnt matter because its not brand new. That
was after he asked to go to Bunnings and came back hours later with a
house door he bought stuffed up to the dashboard in my car for which he
broke the window and had to pay for. i feel like there is no way out
from this. Im left feeling i have to be invisible, be a taxi and just
give up. I feel if i speak up which i have before, he blames me for
buying this house that was dearer than a house he wanted because i
wanted a backyard. Even tho i never made him sign to buy it and stayed
out of his decisions. Hes always made me his scapegoat to his decisions.
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