Unhappiness

[Gracie_PY4]

Hey there everyone, 

I just wanted some help from here, I’m feeling a low sadness, and unhappiness. I’ve been unhappy for a long time now. I will experience happy moments and things that make me feel joy but that distraction doesn’t get rid of the fact that I’m really unhappy, lonely and lost. I don’t know where I am in this world. It just feels like there’s too much and it’s hard to be around it. I quite my job recently because my bosses weren’t nice and because I was severely depressed there. I feel better, but not better! If that makes sense. It’s the same thing, at my job I was doing the same thing everyday, and when I’m at home I’m doing the same thing everyday. I’m bored of myself and a bit trapped almost. 
I obviously have to look for a job. That is my worst nightmare. All that work, resumes, cvs, putting in the effort to do so annoys me so much and I procrastinate it so much. I’ve applied to a couple of jobs. I worked for about 5 companies now and none I have enjoyed or thought were right for me. 

I'm 20 years old and so anxious that I will never find a career for myself or let alone go into another job and not like it and have anxiety. I’m scared that it’s just going to be the same pattern. 

I just think what is the point. Sometimes I really think what is the point of getting a job that I’ll last like 3 months in and hate, because I’ll never find anything I like anyways. Honestly I’m having thoughts that I don’t have a purpose, not that I want to hurt myself anymore, however it does come up in my thoughts and I have done it. 

I just feel like a big blob of crap, like nothing. I don’t matter. And again I have no happiness or barely any. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

After reading you rather sad post I have a number of suggestions based on a number of issues I can identify with.

You dont mention is you have a hobby, follow/participate in a sport or a passion. When people have a passion they do all of their chores and carry out their employment all the while they are either thinking of their hobby or talking about it to colleagues. Essentially they find their distractions more regularly. Something to think about.

Although it might seem obvious that the mundane jobs you've been employed at might be the main reason you leave them, there could be a medical reason for this. Eg I'm retired but over my 40 years working I had over 90 jobs and 15 professions. Admittedly those were the days when you could walk into a job and start the next day so it was less of a problem than the drawn out affair it is now, but it is a reflection of my instability which later on found I had anxiety, depression, dysthymia (a low mood constant depression) , bipolar and likely under the autism spectrum. When all those issues were realised it all made sense and a few things happened from that knowledge- I no longer blamed myself for resigning from jobs, I sought the recommendations from specialists for treatment including appropriate medications and sought better suited jobs that allowed for my conditions. Eg I ended up working alone on the road and therefore wasnt effected by the toxicity of working with people. All that greatly helped me work peacefully the last 10 years or so. I wished I'd known all that when I was 20yo. If you have an illness beyond anxiety and/or depression that could be hindering you. 

So I'm suggesting to pursue, through your GP, some analyst if all is ok with you in terms of why you are "sad, lonely and lost".

Another sign for me is your anxiety and it is a sign when you list the actions of CV, applications and so on to apply for work, when those tasks have to be done one at a time. Anxiety will do that to you, worry about the many tasks ahead instead of chipping away at them one at a time. This is also why you worry about not having a career thats enjoyable and the pattern repeats itself whereas in reality even with a mundane job some workplaces arent toxic but enjoyable so thinking negative is more like an enemy within.

However, you write very well and I get the feeling that if you plan your future around a/ finding work b/ choosing a career with more education etc you'll do extremely well and move on from this bind you find yourself in.

" worry only causes ulcers, it produces nothing to help you in life"

"Become more active. Even a walk around the block can cahnge your outlook"

Here is some posts that you can read, you only need to read the forst page of each and they will help you- really.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/worry-worry-worry/td-p/87808

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/switching-mindsets/td-p/274532

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/positive-thoughts-positive-life/td-p/96857

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhrtbBrMQ1Y

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi Gracie_PY4

I've found employment to be a 2 way street. While someone may employee us to do a job for a trial period of 3 months or so, to see whether we're suited to the job, we can employ a person to pay us for a trial period of 3 months or more. If the job's simply not for us (it's too stressful, too boring, too depressing etc), we move on. Was just saying to someone yesterday 'I go to work for an income and to have a lot of laughs. Working hard happens to be a satisfying part of the process'. The people I work with lead me to laugh a lot and have led me to develop in a lot of ways. I think the people we work with and for (including management) determine whether a job is the right one for us. There can be a lot of toxic work environments out there, which can help explain the frequent trial periods before moving on to the next job.

I am definitely not of fan of sensing that 'Twisting in the wind with no sense of direction' feeling. Also not a fan of being able to sense what 'Groundhog day' feels like, when every day feels like it's on repeat. If we have enough of those kinds of days life can become depressing. I've found these things to be about a lack. A lack of a sense of direction or solid goals and a lack of difference can feel incredibly challenging. As a 54yo gal, I still experience such things in life. You'd think after all these years I'd have life worked out but, hey, once a feeler always a feeler. Doesn't matter how old we are we can still feel a lack of direction and a lack of stimulation or difference. Call it an ability (the ability to feel) that can definitely seem like more of a curse at times.

Whenever I'm feeling completely lost, I always tend to gravitate toward gaining a greater sense of self understanding. How do we work on 3 levels - on a mental level, physical level and even soulful kind of level? On a mental level, is our inner dialogue sounding like hell on earth? Are our belief systems ones that have got to change? On a physical level, can we feel a depressing lack of dopamine not exciting us or our brain? Does 'groundhog day' not lead every cell in our body to vibrate at an exciting frequency we can feel? Does every cell in our body lack energy, energy that can be felt as life running through us? On a soulful level, can we feel inspiration or a lack of it? Can we sense ourself evolving in ways that lead us to feel joy, feel a sense of achievement, feel a sense of satisfaction etc? Have we perhaps lost our sense of wonder, sense of adventure, sense of imagination and all those other super powers we had as a kid? Do we have anyone in our life that can lead us to regain a sense of those powers or abilities? Any good leaders or guides? My gosh, there are a lot of questions when it comes to gaining a greater sense of self understanding. Gaining definitely feels a lot better than lacking, that's for sure.