Depression and sensitivity - a connection?

[white knight]

I'm asking you.

How many of you have depression but it isnt triggered by your sensitivity? Or is triggered by sensitivity.?

My depressive cycle has gone from 10 straight days (approx) every 8 weeks to a few hours now and then say every 3 weeks.  Improvement has come from correct diagnosis and medication.

However regardless of this change my sensitivity has been the common ground all my life. There has always been a trigger. What is the trigger in my case? Hurtful comments. These can come in the form of  eg - people saying accusing me of one or more of the following- being childish, thick minded (not getting what other perceive as obvious), being a little manic, saying the inappropriate thing, acting withdrawn, etc

At all times I've discovered through self observation, my trigger has involved another person or persons comments. And obviously 'they' cant all be wrong. My sensitivity is what has plummeted me into depression and it's so hard to overcome or rather its so uncomfortable.

So I was thinking, I can take an empty pill bottle and mark on it "anti-sensitivity pills" and put on a mask. Every time there is a gathering and I am hurt by comments I'll blurt out a fake laugh. When other realise I am not being sensitive ie that when their cutting comment doesnt hit home like they often do....I'll reach into my pocket and pull out that bottle and show them why they didnt succeed.

Such is my anger or contempt. for others that hurt me. I havent tried this but I think I will. I'm fed up. The alternative is hibernation and that hasnt worked only to a degree so I have semi withdrawn from people. Hiding away should not be the answer.

How many others have this sensitivity that is so fragile it takes you immediately into the dark place? And do you have a strategy in dealing with it.

[Girl_Anachronism]

An interesting topic as always. 

I have been called sensitive by a couple in my life- uni course co-ordinators most notably when questioning the acts of a lecturer. Was it the polite way of saying over reactive? Was it founded in truth? Was it the bureaucratic lies to save a colleague?

I don't know. With my recent diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder,  certain aspects of my life make sense though. No I can't regulate my emotions. Maybe that does make sensitive sometimes. I don't know if I can fix it either. 

I, too, get depression spirals fromwhat others say, regardless of their true intentions. A simple phrase here or there can hurt so much.  Even knowing that we shouldn't be feeling this strongly over what seems so little. But even knowing something is ridiculous,  while we are experiencing it, makes the emotions no less potent. 

I can also attest that such misunderstanding, even when clarified with the person in question, can negatively affect relationships. I have lost friends,  and closer relationships. But is it our fault? Should we even worry about blame, or just try to stabilise our moods? 

I wish I had more answers and less questions but I can only offer what I can. 

GA

[white knight]

Hi GA,

Thankyou for you have brought about more questions and that is good.

"But is it our fault"?  well I see that it cant be their fault because "they" are in the majority- a big majority...the so called "normal" ones. Then you asked if we should indeed worry about 'fault' or just concentrate on stabilising our mood. another top question.

"Regulate emotions"  I'm with you. I have little control. My mood has stabilised with mood stabilisers and my depression has lessened through anti depressants but if my emotions decide to act up and react to comments from others then it will.....I wish I had the answer to that.

The thing is I believe that emotional control from those that dont have it could be a major healer with mental health as we know it.

So anyone out there know of some effective control techniques with emotions?

[geoff]

dear WK, I have left your comment to reply to because I was hoping that you would have had more replies, but anyway it's another excellent post and certainly sensitivity has always been a provocation for me to be offended, and if you are at breaking point of becoming depressed it's enough to tilt your mood in becoming so.

What does annoy me is that these people can utter these sarcastic remarks and have no conscious, because normally we don't retaliate, but if by any chance it happens with them then an argument starts and the friendship, if there is one, all of a sudden stops, so for them it only works one way.

What I have learnt after overcoming my depression ( which I will comment on ) is that now I have a 'hard skin', so what happens is that I may initially get upset, but it doesn't make me head back to being depressed.

When I say 'overcome depression' it doesn't mean that it has totally gone, because once we're had it, it's still with us all the time, and that's why we have 'relapses'

I don't believe that it can be wiped out as we are always prone for it to return, and by 'overcoming it' only means that we are much stronger to fight it off.

We can pretend to regulate our emotions and when this happens the person firing the nasty comments will just come back with more stronger criticism, hoping that we will break down. Geoff.

[white knight]

Hi Geoff,

Yes, in other words- the best form of defense is attack. Because if we continue to allow us to be seen as a sponge of nasty people and their comments then they will continue to try to hurt us. I dont want to be a sponge.

So out will come Anthony. I'm planning this.  I wrote a manuscript of my life 7 years ago and want it published in the future when I've finished editing it for the 5th time.

There are 3 characters. 1/ Tony- the sensitive poet, kind hearted creative and loyal one 2/ Anthony- the prison officer, the dog ranger, the uniformed one 3/ Tony Russell- essentially tony under medication, controlled, stable and no longer on the edge. The first two characters argue and despise each other. This was me in the late 1970's.

So as I'm not a premeditated person eg I dont plan confrontations, I'm going to have to get Anthony out of mothballs and use him to protect myself. Every time a visitor arrives or I meet a neighbour in town I'm going to imagine Anthony standing in front of me.

My own security guard.

Sad isnt it. To run your life this way. Sad that people have to be nasty to run their day to day lives. I bet they do it automatically. I bet they dont inser tin their diaries each night "upset 3 people today....one less than my quota....better mke up for it tomorrow".  I think it is just the way they are everyday to the extent that they do not think of being simply nice- all the time without hurting others.

I look back on my working life in security in the 1990's. So many work colleagues that were like verbal snipers. After years at that workplace not one of about 100 became a friend I visit now. 

No wonder the bush seems so attractive at times.

This all sounds a bit negative on my behalf. I dont want it to be. But in order to protect oneself from these aggressors one has to identify the problem before one can arm themselves with the right shield.

[moviesul]

Hi,

I think I'm overly sensitive and that leads to depressive episodes. As soon as a teacher says that I could've done better or my parents think that I should do more to involve myself in the family, I feel like giving up because it isn't enough. But you eventually get pass it. I think you need to create a wall or like you said, a mask.

But what you suggested about the bottle and such seems like a good idea for you. I hope that you can overcome this.

Chen.

[white knight]

Hi Chen,

Thanks for your thoughts.  I was just on Facebook a media I should give away.  I'd posted a poster abut Chronic illness, that many have that makes their life harder.

One "friend" posted that "there is more to life than illness".

I feel strongly that she is telling me that I complain too much or talk too much about mental health. She then posted that her uncle was a great example to her in that he had chronic illness but he never complained even on his death bed".

See how this could be levelled at me?

But it need clarification so I'll try and get it.  This 'friend ' I only met once but is a member of a group I'm in so I dont want to make waves.

[Jo3]

Hi WK

I am very sensitive and always take things personally.  And then I stew over whatever happened and it goes over and over in my head.

What your friend said on facebook - I think that this friend is having a dig at you.  I would take that personally as if she is having a dig at me But this is me and how I see it, others could be different.

I struggle a lot to give my opinion to others because of how sensitive I am and then I get so depressed that I have caused something wrong.

For me facebook wouldn't be a thing I could start because I know that if I did I wouldn't be able to stop.  So I better not start!!

Jo

[moviesul]

Well I'm sorry to hear that your friend commented that. They don't know exactly how you're feeling so they shouldn't be quick to say anything.

I see, do you think you'll confront her? Or leave it be so that there aren't any problems in the group?

[white knight]

Hi Chen,

I didnt confront her.  I think it best to move on sometimes.

What I did do was "unfollow" her. So I dont get her posts. I am withdrawing from Facebook. It seems there is no way one can avoid conflict.

Life is better gardening or walking our dog and letting sleeping dogs lie...