Scared

[Froggy-jane]

For 20 years I have gone OK then crashed, just to go OK then crash again. It's been a long time and I am so sick of it. My family has had no stability, and I always think that I am failing them. They get their hopes up when things are good, so do I. But then I get sick again, most of the time resulting in a hospital admission, and I have to leave my children again. I just want a normal life, is that too much to ask. I see my psychiatrist each week and things have improved a lot over the years. But it's like I'm stuck now, I can't break this horrible cycle. The problem now is that I had to start homeschooling my 15 year old daughter, (who also has depression), I can't let her down. I thought I could get through any hard times with sheer determination and knowing that she needs me. Not so easy. I've been feeling really depressed again, not sleeping, too much thinking etc. but I can't let it get on top of me, I can't fail again. I can't do it to my daughter. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. How do I fight a battle that I'm never going to win?

Froggy -jane

[blondguy]

Hi Froggy-jane (and hugs if thats okay of course)

I can feel your pain and the hurt you are going through. Ive had acute anxiety since 1983 and then depression.

I know it may seem futile but the circle of pain will lessen in intensity. You are doing everything so well....the counselling and being pro-active with your health and good on you!

The overthinking is unfortunately very common with the downs of depression, I still get them....ugh..

Can I ask you if you having any anxiety at all with this depression? Also...do you take any AD's? (I have for 20 years

The battle can be won Jane. You are not alone here at all....I hope you can post back as there are many super kind people that can be here for you 🙂

Im sorry for the questions Jane, just trying to get a handle on what you are going through so we can be of more help to you. (home schooling a 15 year old year old is a huge task when our mind is 'tired') Well done though

I admire your strength. I joined BB in Jan this year after a bad long low with my depression...just FYI

If you have the energy you are more than welcome to post, even if you just want a chat..

my kind thoughts for you

Paulx

[white knight]

Hi and welcome

Youve set your benchmark far too high. In short your expectations of yourself is likely not reachable so you crash when your "bucket" overflows.

Youre hone schooling your daughter, for a teacher that's a full time job. Plus you are keeping an eye on her illness and balancing your own.

Over thinking causing loss if sleep. I'm manic sometimes and that cycle begins....over active mind, can't sleep, fall to sleep in the early hours then sleep in. Not good as it runs you down more. If you are not tired don't go to bed. Do a hobby, even a jigsaw and when you are yawning and sleepy then go to bed.

Ive commenced a number of threads that might help you. Google them for a read

Topic: accepting yourself, the frig and the scorpion- beyondblue

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

You are magnificent but you are loaded up with tasks. Chill and rest up

Tony WK

[Froggy-jane]

Thanks Paul. It's amazing how just a few words can make you feel lite, even just for a moment. When you sent your kind thoughts to me it made me feel like maybe I wasn't totally alone. I probably sound stupid but I don't have any friends and my family doesn't care anymore. They are so used to me being sick that they just try to ignore it, and me too. I don't have anxiety, it must be so hard for you to manage both. I admire your courage. I have been on ADs since I was 14. I think I've taken every one available at some time or another. I'm on a cocktail of ADs and anti psychotics and mood stabilisers. It helps but sometimes my depression is stronger and I can't fight it. I can tell, I'm heading down now. And I'm not sure what to do. Thank you for your kindnesses. I look forward to many more posts from you.

Jane

[blondguy]

Hey Jane

Always a treat to get a reply....seriously and ta heaps 🙂

The word 'stupid' doesnt gel with a person that has the guts to get on here and speak their mind.

When you mention family do you mean your parents and siblings? or your immediate family?

If I can give you a quote that I use where non believers are concerned with my illness.....I hope it may help...

"Depression is a serious illness, just like diabetes or heart disease"

"Expecting positive thinking to cure mental illness is like expecting a person with diabetes to lower their blood sugar level by thinking happy thoughts"

you are never alone here Jane

Thankyou for the compliment too, the anxiety only lasted 13 years, there is only some basic agoraphobia that has morphed after it.

Great avatar (your gorgeous frog) by way....Love it! You also have a lot to offer to the people that dont have the courage to post. You have helped people already that choose only to read the forums.....and well done for helping others already 🙂

Paul