Not sure what to do

[Guest_49074236]

Hi everyone, I’m 23 and I’m writing this hoping to get some advice. I’ve been going through a depressive episode for the past 12 months, and I feel like I have completely ruined my life. It has gotten really bad, to the point where sometimes I feel like I can’t survive this. I was in a long-term relationship with my ex-partner for the past 8 years, and I was pretty satisfied with my life. Ever since we broke up, I’ve been severely depressed, having frequent panic attacks, and feeling completely lost. I feel like I’ve lost my sense of identity and don’t know what to do with my life anymore. My family lives overseas, and I moved here with my ex-partner when I was 18. I’m trying to stay here for at least a few more years to build a better life, but I have no idea what I want to pursue in terms of a career. I have social anxiety, I’m struggling to make friends, and I feel like I have no one. My ability to think clearly and make decisions about my life has been significantly affected, leaving me feeling lost, hopeless, and like a complete failure. The psychologist I’m seeing has recommended antidepressants, but I’m really scared to start them. I feel like the reason I’m not well is that I lost the person I loved most. I feel isolated, and I can’t make connections because of my low self-esteem.

I can’t stop obsessing over what I should do with my life, and combined with how hard it is just to get through each day, it has put me in a hole I can’t get out of. I still don’t know if medication would be right for me. I am experiencing suicidal thoughts, and although I can think logically and not act on them right now, I’m afraid that going on medication might make things worse. That makes me scared to try it. I don’t know if I should be open with my doctor about this because I don’t want them to contact my emergency contact.

I know that what I need is to figure out where I should live, what I should study at university, improve my self-esteem, and make friends, but it all feels impossible. It has even led to me needing to go to the ER because of the severity of my panic attacks. I would appreciate any advice

[Daydreamer70]

Hi there, 

Thank you for writing in, I hear you and your are not alone. It sounds to me like you have a lot of awareness about the way you are feeling and how it is impacting you, which in my opinion a huge step in the right direction and something that will work in your favour. I myself have experienced the obsessive thoughts/pressure over what to do with my life and honestly the more pressure I put on myself the more impossible it all feels. I have

also experienced the loneliness of living away from family and friends overseas. Feeling both lost with your future and not having adequate support systems is the perfect combination for fuelling depression and anxiety. Its both frightening and isolating. You mentioned you are seeing a psych still, that is a big plus. Make sure you are as honest as you can be in your sessions with them, especially your thoughts towards medication. They can inform you properly on what you need and maybe ease any anxiety you have around starting medication (if its something you want to consider). I know a lot of people who have been on medication and it helped pull them out of that 'hole' you are describing. Like a little booster. 

For me, focusing on one thing at a time is always key. You have listed a lot of things to try and tackle. I think focusing on one thing would reduce the anxiety at least. Maybe give yourself one goal for the week of reaching out to one person you know and extend an invite to do an activity together (something small). Even just a short interaction can help you feel more connected and build your self esteem. Or, if that feels too difficult, maybe begin with a psychology appointment where you can discuss some strategies to work towards these goals. Step by step. The rest will follow. 

I hope my response has helped a bit. My heart truely goes out to you. Please know you are not alone in this and you are strong enough to bring yourself out of this episode. Keep fighting, and look on this forum for people who are experiencing similar things to what you are. Reading the responses other people give to those posts has been really helpful for me in the past two. Their success is proof that it is possible for you too. 

All the best ❤️

Daydreamer. 

[Guest_49074236]

Thank you so much for this it truly means a lot. I have been doing slightly better and it really helps to hear that I’m not alone ❤️