Sorry if this is a long post, but I feel like expressing this will at
least do me some good mentally.(Put it out in the universe and all that)
Since I was a teenager, I have felt like I struggle with my mental
health. I lost half of my immediate fami...
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Sorry if this is a long post, but I feel like expressing this will at
least do me some good mentally.(Put it out in the universe and all that)
Since I was a teenager, I have felt like I struggle with my mental
health. I lost half of my immediate family members before my first
birthday and puberty hit me hard hormonally, to the point that my mother
had considered having me tested for Bipolar Disorder. As a teenager, I
was not kind to myself mentally or physically but I got through it and
grew. Upon pregnancy, my anxiety grew worse and did not ease very much
after.I have always been prone to being irritable, over reacting,
shutting myself off and putting myself last.Now as an adult in my 30's,
I have a family of my own but each day is feeling like more of a
struggle. I have family history of depression, so I am aware that
genetically this is a possibility for me as well. At present, I feel
like my brain is always going and I struggle to switch off unless I am
distracted by something engaging like games. When I do switch off
outside of this, I sometimes feel like the world is too much. (For
example, If i have a slow day at work.)My life consists of full time
work, a mortgage, family and the struggles of other close family
members. I have had my anxiety grow and the feeling of hopelessness
expand since my teens though. I know that I should be seeking the mental
health sessions that we are lucky enough to have access to through
medicare, but my worry is that it will cost money that i do not have or
that i will be required to take time off work to attend, which i cannot
do. My brain reminds me that I have felt this way for 2 decades (With
therapy as a teen experienced) and that therapy is not really seeming
like a realistic resolution long term. I know my life is not bad or
harder than others and that more than likely, I have some chemical
imbalance in my brain. Mentally, i feel like i handle things just fine
but then body betrays that with things such as my eye twitching or
feeling anxious at random or the desire to just cry and I feel like I'm
10 steps back. I personally feel that therapy long term may not resolve
this. It was reinforced more so as I was prescribed an old
antidepressant for my jaw clenching (New mouth guard had made it worse)
and while it was only for 2 weeks, my brain felt lifted. I know I need
to seek help and that most will agree that a long term solution is not
medication. I worry that I will try to get help and just be told to come
see them every fortnight indefinitely, to which all I can repeat is I
had a random anxiety or depressive moment and that everything is fine
but I don't feel it. I think in my mind, I just want a mental break from
my brain and to just feel free and at peace for a bit. Thank you for
letting me express myself on here.