I'm going to use this as my therapy.In the third grade there was a girl
who would brag all the time, to the point where it annoyed me so much
that I decided to do the opposite as to avoid being annoying.But this
has started causing harm which only st...
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I'm going to use this as my therapy.In the third grade there was a girl
who would brag all the time, to the point where it annoyed me so much
that I decided to do the opposite as to avoid being annoying.But this
has started causing harm which only started get really bad in the last 3
years.I'm doing a carpentry apprenticeship and my boss is a bottle of
stress ready to burst. So when I make a mistake or when I'm not moving
fast enough, he's not happy.He not mean to me in any measures, aside
from the classic tradie banter. But his vocal frustration and anger is
what sets me snow balling down a path that starts as "you idiot, of
course you're not supposed to do that" "you've nearly finished you're
apprenticeship, how do you still suck this much" but somehow finds it
way to "you're a failure in every way, you have nothing because you are
nothing, you're a waist of space who only brings everyone else down,
you're not happy because you don't deserve to be, you're a failure in
every way, you should do the world a favour and kill yourself" and
unfortunately I agree.I know this isn't me. I've named this "the voice"
no, not the tv show with delta goodrem.There are moments of my life
where I'm genuinely happy with where I am in life and who I am, and all
it takes is the sun shining on my face.I have large aspirations in life.
I want to be a prime role middle for people to look up to and I believe
that everyone has potential to be a force for good and I believe
everyone has a part to play because there are greater forces at work
then just the forces of evil... Gandalf said that.But I'm scared, I'm
scared that I'll listen to the voice and make like Delbert Grady and
correct myself.I know I need help and I don't want to live in this fear
any longer, but I'm too scared to ask for help.I've always been a man
who's gets incredibly uncomfortable in both receiving or giving to much
emotion. It's incredibly hard for me to listen to a compliment or a
sincere "I love you' but I wish that wasn't the case. Without a second
thought I'd sacrifice myself for any of my friends and family because
they are the most important thing to me.But this fear of tell any of
them about my situation or the voice is terrifying, I just don't want to
burden anyone, even a therapist with that burden. Even just writing this
scared me. I don't know what to do, but I know that if I don't find a
way to fix this. I'm going to joining a statistic very soon.Thanks for
coming to my ted talk