Getting stereotyped

[Earth Girl]

So this is a bit complicated because sometimes I am straight and other times I am a bit on the bisexual side? It took me a long time to figure out if I was straight or bisexual because... it changes? Well, when I say bisexual, curious might be a better word because I think about women when I have "particular alone time", but I don't actually want to have sex with them? And when I feel attraction to other women when in person, it's only romantic attraction where as when I have attraction to men, it's sexual attraction as well. I don't even want to touch other women when I have attraction to them, I just... I don't know? So it's really confusing.

My sister told me that it's very common for girls to get girl crushes which I think might be what's going on with me. I asked her if she gets girl crushes and she said "Yeah! I"m like 'Ohhh, she's pretty."

I still don't know what exactly a girl crush is though. Is that when you have some attraction to another girl, but don't actually want to touch them irl? Because that's what happens to me.

Anyway, I was wondering what I should do about getting stereotyped for being curious and if there's a way I can even stop being curious because I find it easier when I'm straight and not a bit on the bi side. (I don't have a problem with other people being bi, I just want to go back to being completely straight and not having moments of curiosity because it's awkward and it makes other people feel awkward as well). Being straight is just easier for me personally.

People say that since I am bi that it makes me masculine which I don't identify with. Bi girls and lesbians can be feminine and straight girls can be tomboys. I identify as feminine even if I have moments of curiosity.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

Firstly ... it’s totally okay to feel confused—sexuality can be fluid, and maybe sometimes it is more convenient to put oneself into a  box (or category). What you’re describing, with romantic feelings for women but sexual attraction to men, isn’t unusual.

Wrt to "girl crushes" ... is it possible this is admiration for another woman without wanting a romantic or sexual relationship?

So, when it comes to labels... you don’t need to label yourself if it doesn’t feel right. At the same time,  it’s fine to be curious without forcing yourself into one box. Take your time with these feelings, and remember, it’s okay to be in-between!

I hope some of this helps.

Listening.

[Earth Girl]

Hi Smallwolf, thanks for your response!

I just feel really pressured by people from school to figure this out, but it's hard because it's very "mixed." Most of the time, I am straight. It feels like most people are completely straight though and a lot of these people tell me that since most girls never feel this way about other girls that I am not straight.

Yeah, I think that might be what a girl crush means. I have experienced a lot of admiration to other girls, but I didn't want a romantic or sexual relationship with them, though I sometimes use to think about some of them during "particular alone time", but I don't want to actually have sex or anything like that with them irl. So I'm not completely sure if what I experience would be considered a girl crush or not. 

I find it sad because finding out your sexuality should be an exciting experience, but people from school have been bullying me about it for a long time and they act like it's wrong.