Have you forgiven yourself?

[Scotchfinger]

There are things I find hard to even admit to myself, let alone tell a bunch of strangers on a forum. Not jailable offences but still things I am in no way proud of.

I think for some of us, guilt is like a chronic disease. it erodes our soul. It makes us think we need to keep suffering in order to pay for our sins. And it affects our relations with people in a negative way. So I can't just say I've been a victim in life because I've also been one who has caused others pain and anguish. I don't need to hear your sins, just the fact that you continue to suffer guilt like me.

[Scotchfinger]

another classic, thanks for reminding me!

there was some scene when woody says " what am I gonna do, shave my head, join Hare Krishna and dance at airport terminals. God I'm so depressed!"

[Kazzl]

What a great thread! So much here I relate to, but I quickly want to say to Moonstruck BIG congratulations on your third sober anniversary. I've got four a half years up. How great is it! I'll never go back.

So much of your story is my story too. And, like Durras (hi hun) I know the guilt of not being there for my kids (now grown up). I get stuck in it sometimes and even though it's years later I can't shake the 'what I should have done' thinking.

[Scotchfinger]

The BB people like me and all the others on here are just the brave ones who aren't afraid to admit our frailties.  ( Moonstruck)

I only half-believed that before. But now I think you are absolutely right. The people who think they are tough in the "real" world, have only limited courage. Real courage is admitting your mistakes in front of a group of people.

[Blue_Water]

So true SF, how much strength does it take to admit a problem? Most run, hide and deny they have even the slightest issue or concern. I'd rather face my issues head on so I can heal and get better rather than spend years compartmentalising it and then getting sick and that's what invariably occurs as a direct result of hiding from our fears. 

 What an amazing group of people that come together in their free time to help others on this forum. Wow! I applaud each and every one that makes a contribution whether it be looking for help or helping others. The human spirit is strong when push comes to shove.  We're far more resilient than we know. We cope with our issues as best as we can, working, maintaining a semblance of what is perceived as a normal life. Sometimes not working if life becomes too difficult. There should not be a soul who can judge people when they haven't walked an hour in that person's shoes.

Guilt, a soul destroying emotion that can eat us alive if we allow it to.  Let's take a stance and just say "No".  

[Scotchfinger]

I'd rather face my issues head on so I can heal and get better rather than spend years compartmentalising it and then getting sick and that's what invariably occurs as a direct result of hiding from our fears. [Blue Water]

That is yet more wisdom . I've written it down.

[Kazzl]

I know we should forgive ourselves. I try to think that dwelling on something from the past does no good because the only one reliving it is me, and that doesn't help those I've wronged, I mean they're just getting on with their lives unaware while I sit stewing on something I should have done or shouldn't have done. For them, I hope at least, it's over, but for me it's still there.

So, how do we forgive ourselves? Saying to myself 'I forgive you Kaz' doesn't seem to work because I don't listen. How do you stop the bad memories and regrets?

[Blue_Water]

Kazzl, the only way I know to stop the guilt is - repition. Every day, your mantra begins with "I cannot change the past, but I can affect my present and future. I've learnt to be a better person. I'm not the person I used to be. Everyone makes mistakes, I deserve to live guilt free now." Write it down and repeat it like a parrot till one day you believe it with full conviction and it will be at that time, you can move forward from your guilt. Don't waste your future by dwelling on the past, the past is exactly that, a door that has closed. Open the next door to discover that hope and dreams wait for you. Like long strands of silky glittering gold, they wait to surround you so you can enjoy wonder and adventure. How bright our days can be.......if we allow them to be. Time to allow. 

[Kazzl]

Wow. Thank you Blue Water, what a beautiful response. I like the idea of the past being behind a closed door. Memories stop us allowing, don't they. That's how I feel, I get stuck in my mind, it's like I freeze up for a while. It passes but it's almost immobilising when it happens. I'll try to picture myself closing a door ...

Thank you

[Blue_Water]

You're most welcome Kazzl!

 Btw -love your Cockatoo photo, it makes smile ☺ 

[Durras]

Hi Blue Water,

I second what Kazzl has said, that is a beautiful post and so true in every word. I guess holding onto our past and not letting them go we do remain stuck but it is because of our guilt, our owning them making us hold onto them securely to remind us WE DID THIS but do we have to do it for as long as we live and take them to our graves. NO we long for happiness so as you say we must close that door so we can allow those toxic memories  go . Only then can we allow ourselves to be free from guilt and to have a clean slate and draw our future on them with the beautiful colours of life that has been given to  us. No more darkness.

Thank you Blue Water for that beautiful post.

Durras