Have you forgiven yourself?

[Scotchfinger]

There are things I find hard to even admit to myself, let alone tell a bunch of strangers on a forum. Not jailable offences but still things I am in no way proud of.

I think for some of us, guilt is like a chronic disease. it erodes our soul. It makes us think we need to keep suffering in order to pay for our sins. And it affects our relations with people in a negative way. So I can't just say I've been a victim in life because I've also been one who has caused others pain and anguish. I don't need to hear your sins, just the fact that you continue to suffer guilt like me.

[Neil_1]

Hi Paul

Yes, she sure is in her twilight years, but she seems to have found a new lease on life – she’s 16yo and around 15 months ago when Mum passed – we were able to bring her home with us.  At that stage, she was very wonky on her legs and couldn’t walk too much at all – we know now that as Mum was in such poor health herself, she wasn’t able to afford to give Tess as much support as she probably needed.

But we’ve made up for that big time and though she’s no good at going downstairs in our home, she can get up – it’s just funny though, cause if we leave a room and she realises we’ve gone – she’ll stand at the top of the stairs and bark, as if to say “Hey – what about me?  You know I can’t go downstairs, so come back and get me!”  All done with her tail wagging.

She loves little walks outside as well and sniffing along – it’s a bit like taking a 2yo toddler for a walk – they like to stop at every rock and leaf and look at things as well.

Just wondering, in the photo, do you not see all of her, but just her back legs? 

I’m going to be putting up a new one of her this weekend anyway. 

Cheers my friend,

Neil

Ps:  is that another dog you've had before in your pic?  That's definitely not Jack though, as that ain't no border collie, yeah?

[geoff]

dear Blue Water, I have to certainly agree with about how Neil addresses his replies, especially from all what he has had to
endue over these past few years.
I always call him 'my good friend' and will always do so, added to his dry sense of humor.
My heart goes out to you and the loss of your beloved cooker spaniel,because I also had to put down my previous jack russell
who I had for 18 years 2 1/2 years ago.
It broke my heart even though I had Moo-Moo (in the photo) because both of them slept with me, sat outside the bathroom
while I was having a shower, and came with me where ever I went, so my day was planned around to their best interests.
I still grieve dearly for her even now, because Moo-Moo and I of course love her to bits but they all have their different
idiosyncrasies.
I feel for you so much and know how painful it is for you and only wish you all the best. Geoff.

[blondguy]

Hi Bailey, I hope Sam is Okay. Please let us know how he going...:-)

Hi Neil ....and thankyou for your kind email and your Arizona desert dry sense of humour lol. The Beautiful K9 in my pic is Harley 2 Sox who died of renal failure at 11...He, like Jack my Border Collie was rescued from people that 'just dont get it' I make no apologies.

Alaskan Malamutes being a large dog (wolf) dont live for a long time....And no he isnt Jack Neil...Jack was only euthanized in December...give me a break on my pics....still grieving here mate

Kind Thoughts

Paul (woof)

[PinkDiamonds25]

Yes,

I have spent my whole life beating myself up over things that I regret doing, I've been spent years trying to forgive myself and convince myself that I'm not a "bad person"..

its crazy isn't it? Some of the things I tear myself up over are so dumb.. Like things I done in year 2! - I'm 26 years old and I have hang ups from primary school! 

When I was 10 I found a kitten and kept it in our shed for 2 days (my mother knew- long screwed up story) and then when the lady who owned the mother cat asked her if she'd seen it, my mother told her i had it locked in the shed and made me let it go (while she pretended that she didn't know).. The owner of the cat told all of the neighbours what a bad person I was and the kids were never allowed to play with me again after that..

when I was about 7, I found a stray cat that I used to feed and I asked my mum if we could "keep it", she said no but talked me into tying it up so that our large dog could kill it- my father stopped us before anything happened thank goodness.. 

Lets just say that I'm even harder on myself about things from my adult life. I've never done anything against the law or anything but It's even hard when people don't want to let you live things down either.. I grew up in a small town, everyone knows everyone's business. I almost got beat up a few years ago because I "stole" a girl from schools boyfriend when I was 14.. I can't shop at my local kmart because a guy I dated for 6 months when I was 18 has all the staff talking about me/laughing at me while he hides behind the clothing racks <-- to add insult to injury, I used to work in this store and I considered many of these people "friends" once upon a time.. Now I avoid the place like crazy and hang my head in shame.

 surely there's a way to find peace with your past?, there's nothing to gain from reliving it over and over again..

please tell me I won't feel this way forever?

[Blue_Water]

Dear BG,

Sam's new treatment seems to be going well thankfully. It's a week by week situation which only time will tell if he'll be OK long term. Aren't our furry friends so dear to our hearts?? To me, they are like children -- full of innocence and pure love. I understand you're still grieving for the loss of Jack and will most likely will for sometime to come. How do we move on from having something that touched our hearts so deeply with warmth and love -- without them in our lives we feel a part of us is missing. I know I'll grieve the loss of Sam and my two cats when the moment comes along when they need to pass over. Because my husband and I don't have children, we tend to pour more immense amounts of love into their lives, by doing so I believe we have become more fulfilled and content. You know, I feel saddened by people that "don't get it" who mistreat creatures great and small because they regard them simply as "they're just animals". I've learnt so much from my fur kids I've had now and in the past. I've learnt to love unconditionally and passionately, I've learnt to enjoy "the now" and the feeling of peace that being around them gives me. When I left school many years ago I had no idea what I wanted to do in life. It's weird that only these last few years the penny dropped and I wished I'd become a Zoologist, alas it never eventuated so I must be content in sharing the love and bonds I have for the fur babies who share my life now.

I've gotten off track with this post re forgiveness. Perhaps we need to forgive those that don't understand animals. I live in hope that one day, they will be enlightened by the joy these wonderful living beauties can give us.

BB

[Blue_Water]

Dear PB,

I understand how you feel, I've just turned 54 and sometimes even now find my mind travels back to the past and the things I've done which I've regretted. When my mind does, I talk to myself and say, "You can't change it, you're human and make mistakes. Live your life now as a better person whom can help others around you. You can and will forgive yourself". I personally believe people that recall the past are sensitive and caring souls. Surely that's a lovely character trait to possess, rather than be filled with "Ah, so what if I did this and that, they deserved it anyway". The only danger with people who find it difficult to forgive themselve is to let it consume us to a degree it erodes away our very spirit. We all know how life is short and tenuous, let's try to make today and tomorrow worth remembering and hold our heads up high that we're learnt. Some people never learn, how special are we that we want to be better people, for that is the soul focus of life. To be honest, loving and good. What more can we wish for??

So start tonight and when you close your eyes to sleep, say to yourself silently, "I will forgive myself because if I don't, I can't help those around me that need my help tomorrow." Find the strength to repeat it every night until it becomes automatic and part of your new way of life. You will find peace, you just have to reach out and ask for it.

BB