Have you forgiven yourself?

[Scotchfinger]

There are things I find hard to even admit to myself, let alone tell a bunch of strangers on a forum. Not jailable offences but still things I am in no way proud of.

I think for some of us, guilt is like a chronic disease. it erodes our soul. It makes us think we need to keep suffering in order to pay for our sins. And it affects our relations with people in a negative way. So I can't just say I've been a victim in life because I've also been one who has caused others pain and anguish. I don't need to hear your sins, just the fact that you continue to suffer guilt like me.

[Durras]

See I'm completely confused now getting threads and posts muddled. Now feeling really silly.

Durras

[Scotchfinger]

I propose a toast. Please be upstanding and charge your glasses!

"To silliness"

[Durras]

Thank you SF I needed that laugh and to feel myself smile.

[Guest_5218]

Hear, hear !!!!!!

Cheers Scotchfinger, and all others.

Sherie xx

[Mummybee]

To Silliness!

Just while we are all on this, has anyone noticed that a lot of the new years resolution hype seems to be about saying "sorry" less? I have read two different articles on this in the past week, and they have both said a similar thing. We say sorry way too much. So much that when we do, it isn't taken the way it should be.

Does anyone else do this? I do... All the time... and I don't usually mean im sorry.

Ill start a phone conversation with "Sorry to bother you, but...." even if its just to my mum because I need to tell her about something with the kids.

 I bet we all do this.

Mummybee

[Blue_Water]

Oh Blimey!  Isn't it what? If I had the $$$' I'd most likely turn to booze. I believe Neil 1 put it very succinctly, no amount of psychological work, self help books etc will keep my monkey brain quite. You know, if anyone has ever watched the movie "One flew over the cuckoos nest" there is a very famous and funny line from it that rings true and makes me feel instantly better: "What do you think you are, for Chrissake crazy or somethin? Well you're not! You're no crazy than the average person walking down the street and that's it!", said by Ken Kesy. The BB people like me and all the others on here are just the brave ones who aren't afraid to admit our frailties. I believe most of the people I know who have money, hold down great jobs, the friends of mine that travel frequently or the ones that are retiresd without a worry in the world, ALL have issues let me tell you.  I don't feel so alone when I think about each and every one of them and realise, hmmmmm - maybe I am normal? Hahahaha.

So I raise my water glass and toast to the mad mad mad mad world we try to function in. Yep, any wonder why we turn to alternatives to get us through life. No-one asked me if I wanted to be born. If I'd known now what I do, I would have said,  "No jolly thanks, I'm staying away!"

 BW😄

[Guest_5218]

Yes I agree Mummybee.  Saying sorry has just become a 'figure of speech'.  Said out of habit I think.  Its like the always publicly used greeting of "How are you?".  When in fact nobody really wants to know, and doesnt even wait for an answer.  It really undervalues the meaning of an honest apology, or a genuine enquiry as to how someone is.  But I suspect everyone does it to some extent or other.

Sherie x

[Moonstruck]

Scotchfinger and Blue Water...I'm glad you started a Guilt, Forgiving yourself...thread because I wanted to, but was afraid my emotions would carry me away and I'd babble on too much....mine is Mother Guilt....my 2 adult sons are wonderful, loyal, honest, funny, warm human beings...I "like" them so much as well as loving them more than anything in the world!    I can't forgive myself for not "being there" as I should have been...years ago when they were 9 and 7 and the years following through their tough teens, to their adulthood.....my husband left us, and virtually ignored them - he left ME...I was the one he didn't want any more...I was the one not good enough...but in doing so....he went out of 2 little boys' lives too........I was a mess...drank far too much...was terribly depressed, trying to get help for us all....went back to work full time after a couple of years...but found it SO HARD coping with the stress by myself!  All the legal stuff when he filed for divorce, the property, the loneliness...I hardly had any "time off" from the kids , which I needed to get MYSELF together as I grieved the loss of a husband and marriage. I should have BEEN THERE to help THEM through their grief! But I was a mental, emotional mess, in terrible emotional pain,   I'm there for them 100% now...but those 2 little boys have gone....I can't make it up to THEM.....I can't get those years back...and be the "together" coping, functional, worthwhile woman I hope I am on the way to being now.......they're such lovely men...and I don't deserve them!!   I can't imagine how they turned out so well....I want those years back!! I can't forgive myself!. (although they assure me they have and we have a fabulous relationship )...I don't get a second chance at being 100% there for two little boys. .I am in tears as I write...the guilt won't go away!

[Blue_Water]

My oh my Moonstruck, I'm hearing you loud and clear. Wouldn't it be a wild trip to go back to the past and redo things we're all now are living with in the present and most likely will in the future? But would we, knowing how jolly hard and difficult life could be? I think if we went back to try to correct our past boo-boos we'd most likely make new ones and then have those to live with. Wanting a scar free past is normal for decent people such as ourselves because I believe those who don't care wouldn't give two hoots about changing the past and making it pain free for not only us but for those we believe we've hurt inadvertently. I believe you did the very best you could under extremely tough circumstances. You coped the best way you could, you didn't abandon your kids, you kept them clothed and schooled and warm at night. They wouldn't have much to do with you now if they thought you weren't a good person/mother. Seems to me you've done a terrific job with them if your relationship is bonded. I know that no matter what I say we're are worst and hardest critics, again I believe that's typical for good people. 

 BW

[Scotchfinger]

I second Bluewater's support of Moonstruck.