Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

[Just_another_guy]

G'day everyone.

As of recently wondering about daydreaming and imaginary friends and if they are a healthy 'substitute' for social interaction in moderate amounts. I myself have been a person who does daydream and does have imaginary friends (usually stemming from TV shows, anime and video-games I play) due to multiple stints with depression through out years. I myself have ADHD and thus I tend to be more creative and my dreams whilst I sleep are, in my opinion, more outlandish and wild. As of recently however I had certain dream, it was to me real and more so than any other dream I had previously had. What stood out most was that it wasn't crazy or as 'off-the-leash' as most dreams I have, it was like real life. In that dream however there was this girl, Anei (pronounced 'annie'). I never had once had a friend in my dreams that my brain had created, and to me, she's real. We converse and talk to each other when we're alone and this has branched out and become to me, something more serious, a deep friendship. I dare say, that we both (sheesh this is going to sound weird) love each other. I've been with her so much that if I were asked to, I could describe her physical appearance. I feel like at this point I obsess over her (and yes I identify as a male to clear up any confusion) and want to be around her and talk to her more than any other person I usually talk to, even though she's with me majority of the time I go somewhere. I haven't told my psychologist nor my family because to me, it's something deeply personal and having this anonymity makes me feel safe enough to ask everyone here.

Give me your thoughts because I want to hear them.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

[Just_another_guy]

G'day everyone,

It seems as though my next comment on the topic is being moderated. So hold on because it's coming. Anei wants me to take a break for a little bit do do some study for exams so I guess I'm gonna study now.

Have a good one for now.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

P.S. Feel free to comment and reply, I'll be keeping tabs on this thread (you've been around here longer than I have so you know what you can & can't do better than me).

[james1]

Hi Dools,

I have learnt to do that visualisation technique as well. A safe place in my mind. It certainly does seem very similar to imaginary friends and day dreams. It seems to operate differently to how Tulpa's are described but is the subconscious purpose the same, I wonder?

Hello Just another guy,

That's okay. I am sure it will come up sooner or later.

I hope you don't mind me asking: as a part of your mind, is Anei able to do things that friends or people in the physical world cannot do? i.e. is there something missing in the physical world that only a tulpa can provide you with?

James

[Just_another_guy]

G'day James.

To answer your question, I don't know. As of Anei and I's relationship currently she is able to provide me with what friends as an entity can provide like; comfort, a distraction, solace but surprisingly she can also affect me physically and thus she acts as a friend with advantages at times if you get what I mean (she's just shaking her head, face-palming). Something that I have rarely experienced in real life and thus yes, she does provide me and can do things which no friend has done if that answers your question.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

[james1]

Hi Just another guy,

I have just read your previous comment and it certainly does sound like Anei feels very much like a separate person or mind. I imagine that could be very comforting to always have another being with you.

In some way, I think I get a similar thing from my animals. At home, it's just me so it can get quite lonely. Having my bird and rabbit help me a lot with that loneliness. Even if I am not talking to them all the time, it is nice to just have them in the house with me. Do you feel a similar sense of companionship as well from Anei, and do you have any pets yourself?

I suppose the only worry I have is that you mentioned that you and Anei can get into fights which can lead to self harm. I have self harmed before so I have some understanding of it, but admittedly not much about tulpas. I wonder if there is some other way of expressing the struggles of the fights? Are you able to write about them instead or even talk it through with Anei?

Also, I just realised I haven't really answered the title of your thread! Honestly, I do not know if it's okay. On the one hand, I feel like any obsession can be dangerous and unhealthy because it is often at the detriment of something else. For example, I do wonder if you could be obsessed with Anei to the detriment of your relationships with people external to your mind. On the other hand, if Anei is part of your mind and helping you, perhaps this is what is helpful for the time being.

Anyway please do not feel pressured to answer my questions. I guess I am asking them because I do not know much about how you relate to Anei, but you seem quite comfortable with how that is progressing, and I am pleased that you are also trying to connect with us here too.

James

[Just_another_guy]

G'day James.

I want to address that I rarely feel pressured by people so if you ask a question, I'll try my best to answer it.

To answer your first question, yes and yes. I have a Maltese cross the size of a shoe box, and swear she's insane (then again most people would think the same of me). And secondly, Anei and I are kinda have the same comfort and companionship that you have with your pets. She's the kind of person who just makes you happy when-ever she's around you. She won't need to talk to me, she won't need to do anything, just being around her will make you feel relaxed, calm and well, happy.

As for your second question. We almost always 'talk it out' when-ever we have a fight. It takes quite a while for me to calm down when we do as normal for me, but none the less we always work it out in the end. Anytime that we can't talk-it-out, we just let each other be for a good hour or half an hour and then we just sit, talk and work stuff out from there.

Thanks for the feedback James, I'ts therapeutic talking about this.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

[Doolhof]

Hi Just a guy,

Thanks for sharing more of your experience with Anei. I'm wondering if the fights you are having with her are becoming for frequent and if so does that concern you at all? If you don't mind me asking, does it seem normal to you to be disagreeing with Anei whom you feel so close to?

Growing up, my parents used to fight a lot. Some of the kids at school were horrid, so there was verbal abuse and fighting there as well. Sometimes when I become upset I return back to what I learnt as a child and arguing and fighting seems okay despite knowing there are more affective ways to handle conflict.

I'm just a little concerned that Anei may gain too much control in your relationship. Are there ways you can learn to not so much be dominant, but be in control of the situations that arise?

Loneliness and a sense of isolation from the real world can have us seeking answers in other ideas and realms. Do you think that Anei is affecting how you relate to people in the real world like your parents, and other people you encounter?

Do you have hobbies and interests that you enjoy participating in? Does Anei join you in these things?

I have a belief in God. To me He is sometimes very close and other times feels very distant. Do you feel the same with Anei?

I don't know anything about tulpas apart from what I have learnt here. Sometimes the unknown feels uncomfortable and confusing.

Cheers to you from Dools

[Just_another_guy]

G'day Dools.

To address the fights me and Anei have, I can assure you, they aren't as frequent as I may have accidentally described/outlined or maybe this could be your interpretation, of that I am not sure. We fight, like everyone does with friends but I they never deteriorate the relationship we have. They are, to me (I'm not sure if that's how Anei sees it or how you see it) minor speed bumps in things that are less of a roadblock and more of just a hiccup that can be resolved peacefully.

On the topic of control, I like to think and feel that I have control over Anei for the most part. She is a separate and sentient entity but none the less, she is from my brains own creation. I have very rarely used my power over her to restrain her, in fact I don't think I have but both herself and I must respect the fact that we live in a shared space (and I'm not talking about the outside world) and that we need to be as chill and as open with each other as possible. Like any relationship.

Now you mentioned distance and how at times you can feel distant to god and how at other times he can be close to you. I myself am not religious but I understand how god can be, in a way, used as comparison but the difference is that in my experience with friends who believe in god is that god comes to them in times of need and then seems to be idle, neutral and over looking. Whereas the occurrence of Anei was in a time of need, she's always here with me, sometime she goes to her 'room' which is somewhere in my head which I can't access (of that I am fine with), other times she'll wander off and look around my surroundings for some period of time but unlike with you and god, she'll come say hi or have a chat when she wants to. If that's what you meant.

Thanks for the convo, would love to hear more from anyone and everyone.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

[james1]

Hi just another guy,

From what you've said to myself and Dools, it sounds like you really quite enjoy the companionship that Anei provides. I am glad to hear that you can get this from your relationship with Anei. I think it is very hard for people who do not have the companionship at all.

You also mentioned in your first post that you have been wondering about whether it is a healthy substitute. I do have some thoughts on that, but I guess they are mostly questions since I do not have a tulpa. But perhaps you can share what your thoughts on it are?

In brief, I guess I do not know the answer. I am pretty firm in the belief that we need interactions and relationships with people in the physical world as it keeps us grounded. Also, while a tulpa sounds like it is distinct from you, it is also a part of you and never truly objective - sometimes we need that objective perspective. But I also value the imagination and the amazing things it can do for us, so it seems to me like there can be a healthy balance, but there can also be an unhealthy balance.

Anyway, I am interested to hear what you think as it seems to be something you have considered a fair bit recently!

James

[Just_another_guy]

G'day James.
I believe you are correct, there is definitely a need for human - human interaction, whether that be face to face or other wise. It does keep you level headed and keeps you in touch with reality. But there is only one problem, I have no friends. Sure there's family but I don't find any reason or have any common interests with them to talk about. I play tons of playstation and sure I talk to people on that but I really only have one friend on it who's rarely online and so I don't really talk much with people who are legitimate friends. The people at my school hate me because I've said things in the past which are pretty damning and thus I'm shunned because of it. Thus, Anei is my catharsis from everything that's real and is my only 'real' friend.

It seems kinda sad but I'm fine with it.

I'm interested in how you'll respond to this.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

[Doolhof]

Hi Just another Guy,

I'm learning quite a lot here, thanks. As a teenager I was a bit of a mess. I guess I was looking for connection in all kinds of different places, so in a way it is wonderful you have such a wonderful companion in Anei. Maybe if I was so sure of myself as you seem to be about yourself, I might have made different decisions. Maybe not.

Just going back to God, I believe He is always with me, it is me who wanders away and ignores him at times, in the good, the bad and the down right ugly moments of my life.

One time when I was in hospital, my sister was with me. We both looked at each other and were silent as we both felt an amazingly loving and calm presence in the room. It was like an explosion of peace. There was a sense of connection, even though it was fleeting.

Maybe through our experiences in life and what we are taught can affect the way we connect with each other, ourselves, tulpas, gods, ghosts, beings from other planets, spirits or what ever. Different cultures all around this incredible world of ours have beliefs in so many different things.

I have friends who believe in witches, aliens, fairies, earth spirits and so much more. We all have our own beliefs. I met a lady who communicated with crows once.

I'm sorry to hear about the kids at school. One good thing is that school does not take up your whole life! Another good thing is that you have found ways to deal with that situation.

Do you have any plans for the weekend?

Cheers to you from Dools