Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

[Just_another_guy]

G'day everyone.

As of recently wondering about daydreaming and imaginary friends and if they are a healthy 'substitute' for social interaction in moderate amounts. I myself have been a person who does daydream and does have imaginary friends (usually stemming from TV shows, anime and video-games I play) due to multiple stints with depression through out years. I myself have ADHD and thus I tend to be more creative and my dreams whilst I sleep are, in my opinion, more outlandish and wild. As of recently however I had certain dream, it was to me real and more so than any other dream I had previously had. What stood out most was that it wasn't crazy or as 'off-the-leash' as most dreams I have, it was like real life. In that dream however there was this girl, Anei (pronounced 'annie'). I never had once had a friend in my dreams that my brain had created, and to me, she's real. We converse and talk to each other when we're alone and this has branched out and become to me, something more serious, a deep friendship. I dare say, that we both (sheesh this is going to sound weird) love each other. I've been with her so much that if I were asked to, I could describe her physical appearance. I feel like at this point I obsess over her (and yes I identify as a male to clear up any confusion) and want to be around her and talk to her more than any other person I usually talk to, even though she's with me majority of the time I go somewhere. I haven't told my psychologist nor my family because to me, it's something deeply personal and having this anonymity makes me feel safe enough to ask everyone here.

Give me your thoughts because I want to hear them.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

[Just Sara]

Hi JAG;

After reading thru your thread I thought I might jump in on the convo if that's ok. It's interesting to read of your relationship with Anai, but I do worry for you as well.

You've proven yourself to be highly intelligent which helps me get to know you better due to your evolved writing style. Intelligent people are far more susceptible to mental health issues as we see time and again on this forum. This mixed with deep sensitivity can be a Molotov cocktail in some instances.

Even though you're still at school, I feel you have the capacity to comprehend complex concepts, so I'd like to put my thoughts to you re brain function, imagination and suggestion; hopefully you'll find it valuable..

The brain doesn't distinguish between real or imaginary. In other words; living in your head and putting enjoyable emotional energy toward Anai, will be interpreted by the brain as a positive and real experience. If this continues on a regular basis, the brain will likely determine she 'actually exists'.

It doesn't matter if your conscious self promotes boundaries either. The brain does what it's told to, so any conflict that arises may be met with prejudice. Say for instance you're sitting for an exam and need complete concentration. Anai decides (on her own) that it'd be a good time to talk. Resistance from you may cause a battle of wills because she's been given 'autonomy' by you.

As you both share one brain, her evolving personality may one day decide to rebel, dictate or even become aggressive towards 'your' personality. There's a separation of the psyche and eventually the brain will conclude due to the need for balance, only one personality can survive.

Once survival mode kicks in, the primal/reptilian brain takes control. These processes are far less evolved as they focus on survival instead of rational negotiation or decision making skills for instance.

This is where I feel a bit worried for you. Giving autonomy to an imaginary creation will put pressure on brain function. There's just too much going on for one organ to deal with. Is this making sense to you?

It may also interfere with hormonal pathology and even physical appearance. I'm not saying this will occur; I'm saying it 'could' given the circumstances.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. You are afterall a physical being first and foremost. I don't want to scare you either, i'm trying to bring the concept of what the brain's capable of to light.

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[Just_another_guy]

G'day Sez.

I understand what you're saying, I've done a little bit of research myself as you may have read. I'm currently doing a psychology class as well so I've been able to make sense of majority of what I've read and have been able to discern between what is 'true' and what is complete b.s. but I digress. I had a moment right before me and Anei decided that "Yes, we're both okay with continuing this 'relationship'" were I was looking over both the dangers and the counterbalance of the positives of having a friend like Anei, we talked over it and eventually came to the conclusion of 'go for red leader' and thus I'm currently at this stage of friendship.

As you brought up, highly or more intelligent people are more susceptible to mental illness and I thank-you for the compliment call me thusly, but as I mentioned I also suffer from ADHD (I am medicated) and so there is that predisposed and genetic relinquishment of control to certain emotions and instincts like self-restraint due to the ADHD so I guess there are those pot-holes that Anei could possibly exploit. But I trust her, and with this trust we built up respect between each other and have set those boundaries even though she has gained some form autonomy.

On another note, I'm sorry I wasn't able respond as I had to do a whole lot of study on the weekend with next to no time off.

I thank you for your concern Sez.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

[Just_another_guy]

G'day Dools,

Sorry for the late reply.

What I did on the weekend was study, just study.

[james1]

Hey Just another guy,

So sorry I didn't reply before. I don't often check on weekends and when I saw your post on Friday, I wanted to give it some proper thought (but forgot to warn you that I don't check on weekends! sorry!)

Anyway,

I relate quite strongly to you with how you and your family...work? When I was in high school, mum used to complain that we never spoke. I didn't say anything, but the reality was that we had nothing in common. Not even on a values level, so I didn't even like engaging in small talk since we would just disagree about things.

At school, I had friends but I think it's telling that I don't actually speak to any of them save one person anymore. I think my 'crowd' just existed elsewhere. So, like you, I just played a lot of games online and designed worlds for my future novels (still to come) and wrote fiction. I had one community online which was great, but I was actually a "female" on that community so it was never really me anyhow.

So in the end, I suppose I relate a lot to the situation you seem to be in.

I wonder, you didn't mention it but it seemed to be there - do you ever feel lonely with Anei as your only real friend? For me, I managed to create a social busyness that mostly took place in my own room that worked well enough to stave off loneliness. But when I finished school and suddenly was literally on my own at home without having to go to school, the loneliness got real pretty quick. How about you?

James

[Doolhof]

Hi Just a Guy, James, Sez and All,

Loneliness can happen to a person in a room full of people, in a family unit, in a marriage, a class room full of students, anywhere really.

I find I often feel Lonely when surrounded by people, it is mainly because I often feel a lack of connection for one reason or another.

Due to a few incidents in my life, disassociation seemed to be a way to cope. In reality that may be advisable at times and can also cause its own issues.

There are times when I work at entertaining myself by going out and being aware of what is happening around me, going tot he movies, have a coffee in café, go for a walk, read a book or what ever to alleviate those feelings.

Smiling at people as I walk past them on the street, having a chat with the people who work in the local post office, or to the check out staff can all help me form a sense of belonging in community.

I've joined a craft group. There are many times I don't feel like I belong there, I keep attending though. Even if I don't join in the communication much, I am still with people.

All the best with your study JAG!

Cheers all from Dools

[Elle_Lever]

Hello to everyone on this chat,

I hope it is okay that I have just hopped onto the end of this thread? I am really grateful to all of you for sharing your insight and personal thoughts on this topic.

I am in Year 10 and am having increasingly more bad days than good days, at the moment. I have also got 10 “people” inside my head all the time, whether they be at the front or back of my mind. They all have different backgrounds and personalities and I talk to them regularly as I go through the motions of my life. I don’t think I would say that I obsess over them, however I do think of them as my best friends in life, currently.

From what I have gathered after reading through all your replies, pretty much all of you have had an imaginary friend at some stage of your life. For me, this is comforting to know that there are other people with similar traits to the one I have.

Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that for me, having people in my head that are there for me always is a good thing. I believe that they help me to stay moderately on track with my life and, even at my low points, can help me from falling off the wagon. If it works for me, maybe it can work for other people in a similar way?

With gratitude,

Elle Lever

P.S. Sorry for being so long-winded... it is good to actually talk to people with similar concerns and questions as me!

[Doolhof]

Hi Elle Lever,

Welcome to the forum, thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Don't worry about being long winded, I quite often write very long posts! I don't do short messages very well.

I'm wondering if you would consider starting a thread of your own when you feel comfortable to do so. The reason being, people may well join in the conversation with you here, if not, then don't be offended, some threads die out sometimes.

Do you ever feel concerned with so many people being in your mind?

Have you shared your thoughts about this with other people?

It really amazes me when I start looking into the the different attributes and strengths of the mind!

Hopefully others will notice your post here and join in the chat!

Cheers to you from Dools

[Just_another_guy]

G'day Elle.

Sorry for the late reply, exams are coming up as you may know as I am also preparing for them. So I hope your friends aren't being a big hassle whilst you're preparing and studying for exams.

First off, ten people with you at all times. Wow, that's a lot. I'm not too sure if they are similar to Anei in the fact that I can see, touch and hear her. She's a real person, to me anyway. But she can be quite an intrusion and a hindrance at times. I'm wondering how you cope and devote attention and time to 10 different people that are constantly with you. I don't deal well with people and even Anei can be a bit of a handful at times so I'm amazed at how you can do it.

I'm sad that your having an imbalance in bad as to good days, maybe they aren't always bad. In my experience, days that I think are bad I reflect on and realize that they weren't really bad at all, I thought they were innately bad because they weren't necessarily good in the first place. They were just 'eh'. I find that reflecting on a 'bad' day can lead me to see them as an 'eh' day and so maybe this technique of reflection could help you. None the less I don't know the current living conditions you are in so they may very well be bad days.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the late response. Hopefully you find this response useful as I'd love to talk some more with you about this.

Sincerely,

Just Another Guy.

[Elle_Lever]

Hi Doolhof and Just Another Guy, thank you for your responses.

Both of you have asked how I can devote my attention to so many other people in my head. Looking back at my first post, I can see now that I implied that they are with me constantly. This is not necessarily true, so I'm sorry for misguiding you! In actual fact, the people in my head sort of come in and out of focus when needed, a bit like texts but with their thoughts. So, for example, if I am about to do something or am doing something (like reading a book, or watching TV), my "friends" may chime in with their thoughts and feelings, to tell me not to do something or to give advice or comment etc. This relates to my earlier post when I said that the people in my head help me get through life. I am never truly left alone!

Doolhof, you asked me if I have shared my thoughts with others on this topic. Truthfully, no, I haven't. This is my first online forum discussion I have ever participated in, so a pretty big step for me. I haven't spoken to my family about any of my "friends", but I hope to someday. My whole family is aware of my struggles in regards to my mental health and are all really supportive and understanding. In the meantime, however, I actually like nobody else knowing about my friends. They provide a different sort of comfort and familiarity to me, and I would prefer to not have anyone in my life know about them, right now.

Just Another Guy, thank you for your advice! I have been known to be melodramatic occasionally, and it is good to have someone tell me to look at something in a different light. I will definitely try to use your method from now on. I'm sure I will find that I have more 'eh' days than actual bad days, which is always a good thing.

With gratitude,

Elle Lever

P.S. Exams are a bummer, Just Another Guy! I am in the middle of my exam block now (hence the late reply), but I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel :). Good luck with your own exams!

[Just_another_guy]

G'day Elle.

Thanks for clearing up your previous post. It makes sense now knowing how your friends interact with you. I still have a few questions though. I hope they don't put you under too much pressure.

Firstly, do your friends have some sort of physical form as Anei does with me. Can you see them and can they influence you physically. It seems to me that they don't, but none-the-less it is a question that can provoke some rousing thoughts. I feel like having that many friends could be, confusing, without being able discern between who is who if a few try and speak at the same time or what have you.

Secondly, do you have preference for some friends over others or do you try spread yourself evenly over them all. I feel like if they're real people who have different personalities and you do speak with them like Anei and I then if you did have preference, some of them may get upset. That's just what I'd imagine.

Thanks for the good wishes for exams, I go in tomorrow so it's gonna be scary!

Sincerely,

Just Another Guy.

P.S.

Sorry for the continuous use of 'I feel', I'm speaking out of gut instinct and so thusly I can't speak on behalf of any medical professionals or yourself.

Have a good one.