Really struggling

[guitarhwyrose]

Hi, I'm a long-time reader of the forum. Now in my desperate state, I can't really think of a better way to describe it than that, I am nervously reaching out in the hope that someone/anyone here can relate to me even if just a little bit.

First of all I want to say that I've made an appointment with my GP to do a mental health plan. Unfortunately that appointment isn't until 10 Nov so I want to try and help myself between now and then.

A bit about me:
- I'm 38/f.
- In a relationship which I am very happy in, my partner 41/m is amazing.
- I have Type 1 diabetes which I've had for coming up 13 years. It has been badly controlled because I turn to sugar and junk food to make myself feel better. I have recently seen an endocrinologist who is great.
- The rest of my family (younger sister, younger brother & my mother – no father on the scene for nearly 25 years) is riddled with mental health issues.
- I used to be in excellent physical condition, athletic and sporty, and very sure of myself. Never had many friends during school and copped a bit of bullying at the start of high school. Made some good friends when I moved to Melbourne at the age of 18, and never had any problems making friends until I was about 25.
- No longer have any friends at all.
- My main issue is crippling anxiety which in turn has made me extremely depressed. I can't go out and meet people because I'm petrified that nobody will like me. I can't work or volunteer because I'm terrified that I'll be no good at it, stuff things up, and they'll get rid of me. Even though I know I have good qualities, I struggle to believe and don't believe that others will see them even though in the past I've been told by colleagues and bosses how good I am at my job and various other very nice things. One boss even said I was the company's most complimented staff member ever (by clients) and he didn't know how they ever got by without me.
- I procrastinate, get bored easily and can't stick with anything. In the 19 years I've been in the workforce, the longest I have ever been in a job is eight months.

Oh god I could probably type all night but will leave it here. Thanks and sorry to anyone who read this far. I know I'm not alone but I feel so alone in this.

[white knight]

HI, welcome

I can identify with most of that post. Firstly anxiety in many cases can be reduced significantly and I fully eliminated it. The links are at the bottom. It needs a multi pronged approach- sometimes meds, therapy, life changes eg tree change, wise selection of people to socialise with and removal of toxic people and many more.

I've had 90 jobs and 15 professions.  My impulsivity extended to buying and selling cars too. All that reduced market ably with diagnosis of bipolar, etc 13 years ago.  I suspect your issues will change once your mental health plan is introduced

The following threads address some other mentions you have made like boredom and lack of self esteem. I hope you are ok, reply anytime.

 https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it/td-p/183873

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/depression-distraction-and-variety/td-p/275790

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/meditation-words-of-wisdom-it-helped-me-for-25-year...

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/a-city-to-country-relocate-why-not/td-p/323767

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/worry-worry-worry/td-p/87808

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/anxiety-slowing-doooowwwnnn/td-p/548759

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/seeking-the-origin-of-anxiety/td-p/74769

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/charity-begins-at-home/td-p/190111

Reply anytime

TonyWK

[Eagle Ray]

Dear guitarhwyrose,

 I just wanted to let you know you are definitely not alone. I have an eclectic resume with so many different jobs on it from vastly different occupational areas. I have 2 uni degrees and was doing a third (which I probably won’t finish now) plus a TAFE certificate. Despite being uni educated, most jobs I’ve been in have not required it and are different to my fields of study. Like you I’ve had positive feedback from employers and yet I’ve doubted myself often and worried I’m going to stuff up much of the time. Currently I’m not working due to health issues.

 In my case I potentially fit an ADHD profile and had an informal diagnosis from a counsellor working in the field who suggested I go for a formal diagnosis with a psychiatrist. I didn’t want to because I wasn’t keen on medicating and I’m still high functioning even if I have ADHD. I have the classic swing between hyper focus and scatterdness that’s typical of ADHD, but it’s lessened over time.

I’m just mentioning all of that not because I think you’ve got ADHD, but to hopefully help you feel less alone. As Tony mentions, the mental health care plan is an opportunity to explore what is happening for you. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle where you gradually put the pieces together.

Currently I’m in therapy for complex trauma which in my case may actually explain the presence of what seem like ADHD symptoms. So it’s like a journey of self discovery.

You sound like a lovely person and you deserve good things. Sometimes the people who doubt themselves are the most capable and courageous.

Wishing you the best!

[Puglett]

Hi there,

I can relate to a bit of what you have described, so I will make some points below.

• The wait for understanding and answers is so, so hard. It led me to go to ED in the early hours as I was so worked up at the time.
• I have social anxiety, which did at one stage lead to a low mood/depressive symptoms, so I can relate to anxiety leading to depressive symptoms.

Based on the compliments, it sounds like you really care about your clients, that's such an amazing quality. I'm not going to say 'believe in yourself' as I understand sometimes this makes it worse, it can feel as if people are brushing over your feelings, though I hope you know I can understand some of what you are experiencing and I'm happy to discuss things here in this thread if you have any questions.

I think the GP Mental Health Care Plan will be really useful for you, please though make sure the Psychologist you see is a good fit, don't just stick with the first one if they are not helping or you feel disappointed after sessions.

Take care x