Suicidal constantly

[Chris_Tas]

Hi all.

Like others I think of suicide basically constantly.

It's like a someone whispering in me ear that I can't stop as my life otherwise is (mostly) ok.

I told my parents again but they just said Im an attention seeker that using it as an excuse not to work.

That is far from the trust as when I tell them I'm suicidal they laugh and then get angry.

It's so difficult as it makes my suicidal thoughts worse but they seem completely oblivious.

Anyway stay safe all.

Chris

[Chris_Tas]

Hi TheRising.

I completely missed your post/reply and I will respond tomorrow if that's ok as I'm a bit upset tonight.

Your continual support to not just pathetic me but great members of this site is fantastic.

Chris

[Tanc]

I am so very sorry to hear that your parents don’t support you in a time of need, I know how hard it is to talk to anyone about feelings like this so I think you are very brave and courageous for reaching out. Stay strong Chris, think of things that matter to you the most and about the people you care about - I’m sure they would be devastated if you hurt yourself.

[Chris_Tas]

Ok.

So I hate drinking alcohol but then I do when in crisis.

I literally went to supermarket to get fresh chicken for dinner, fresh apple juice and a small packet of chips as a treat.

Come back 15mins later and room raided like a SWAT team, not happy I had drinks last night rather than just asking me?

I'm upset as sure I am a work in progress, but the constant "Big Brother" feeling watched is actually more damaging to me.

[Chris_Tas]

Ok.

So my parents know of suicidal issues of since day 1 and everything on between.

They pretend happy. "We will support you".

II went out today to come back with my room raided and even my medication questioned? (it's from my Psych ffs)

So yeah.

I'm furious but not aggressive, the sneaky checking and Sherlock Holmes on me is causing way more damage mentally than good I assure you.

I need to move out as I was perfectly functional until moving here and this undermining, disrespectful nonsense.

Over it.

[Bob_22]

Hi Chris_Tas,

So sorry I keep delaying to get back to you. My notifications don't work that well so I have to manually check threads my apologies. I've been doing okay thanks. Christmas is stressful and it doesn't help that I've been job hunting which is stressful enough. I get worried just driving now sometimes. 

I'm so sorry to hear that your friend has passed away and that your parents have been too inquisitive. I know it can be annoying and definitely prefer my own space. Moving out can be a big thing from personal experience but can definitely be liberating. It just brings its own set of stressor such as lease, landlord and rent. I would definitely recommend looking around and doing research however even if you don't have immediate plans. Thats what I do and I don't plan on moving out too soon either. Please keep us updated on how you're going and sorry again.

Bob

[Chris_Tas]

Hi Bob.

Absolutely no need to say sorry and like theRising, the only person to say sorry is me.

This forum has kept me alive and I don't mention that lightly. I mean it.

So I'm not in the mental state to cover everything Bob and theRising but let's I'm bewildered.

Not seeing my daughter makes Christmas Day the hardest of the year (emergency last year) and just told parents off to Melbourne so I'll be completely alone.

My Psych is a fantastic guy and even he couldn't believe it - it's like my parent don't understand the seriousness of mental or don't care?

Either way I'm devastated as sure my life is rubbish, but I'd at least have liked honesty on their travel plans.

Anyway enough about me, I hope everyone is well and I'm sorry if I've let anyone down in replies etc.

Not my intention as life is hard I guess.

Chris

[Chris_Tas]

Hi Tanc.

I appreciate your post and reaching out.

I'm still getting used to the new site but yours are very valuable to me.

I hope you are going ok and if not let me know.

Chris

[therising]

Hi Chris

As you face so many stressors, my heart goes out to you. The fact you're trying so hard to manage raising yourself to meet those challenges speaks volumes when it comes to who you are and who you are in the process of becoming.

One of the things I've come to see over time is how strange people can be. It's as though you gain a unique insight into the behaviours of others while you're in a depression. They're the kind of things we wouldn't necessarily be conscious of otherwise. There isn't all that much that's constructive about depression yet this would be one of the few constructive aspects. There have been times where I've come to realise of those around me 'I had no idea how depressing you could be'. This could simply relate to a person's lack of acknowledgement and compassion when it comes to the full extent of our sufferance or it could relate to the comments delivered with the best of intention (to be fair). I don't think people realise how depressing 'You'll be right' or 'You just need to stop over analysing everything' can be. Long list of triggering comments. My faves are 'If you smiled more often, you'd be much happier' and 'You need to stop being so sensitive'. Grrr!

I smile when I imagine the following scenario: If I was sent off to some workshop to become less sensitive and the facilitator said 'Okay, put your hand up if you're super sensitive', bamm, my hand would go up with a sense of pride. If they then said 'Don't worry, we'll fix that', my response would be 'Don't you dare'. Then I imagine that person saying 'Why are you here if you don't want to be fixed?'. My response? 'The insensitive people sent me here because they think I have a problem. Fact of the matter is...the insensitive people need to be more sensitive, be able to get a better feel for what's stressful and depressing. Do you have any way of fixing them?' 😊

I feel deeply for anyone missing their child or children at this time of year. So incredibly challenging when everyone else is in such a celebratory mood. Don't forget the kid in you Chris. Give him a gift or 2 and promise to serve him in the year to come.

[Chris_Tas]

Christmas hey.

What a celebration!

Celebrate everything stolen from me by lying Exes......

Had a fantastic lunch with my parents so that was really important to me.

I hope everyone is well ss is it is a tough time of year for some (including me)

[Chris_Tas]

Merry Christmas for all our members on here.

It's not an easy day for many (including me) but let's stay strong mentally.