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Suicidal constantly

Chris_Tas
Community Member

Hi all.

Like others I think of suicide basically constantly.

It's like a someone whispering in me ear that I can't stop as my life otherwise is (mostly) ok.

I told my parents again but they just said Im an attention seeker that using it as an excuse not to work.

That is far from the trust as when I tell them I'm suicidal they laugh and then get angry.

It's so difficult as it makes my suicidal thoughts worse but they seem completely oblivious.

Anyway stay safe all.

Chris

312 Replies 312

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Chris

 

Such a shame to hear your last experience in hospital didn't leave you feeling the way you'd like to feel, relieved and fully supported. With such a job, as a hospital staff member, elements of emotional detachment are required and understandably so, as this allows for pure analysis of a patient's status without emotions getting in the way. Unfortunately some can take it to the extreme. I recall when I had my first child, going back around 20 years. While I came across dozens of maternity staff members in hospital, only a couple felt supportive. The rest left me feeling like I was some foolish nuisance on a production line of mothers going in and out of that place.

 

Based on having developed a much healthier view of sensitivity, I've come to realise sensitivity is not just about feeling or sensing what's depressing or stressful, it's also about gaining a greater sense for a part of our self that may need to come to life more often. I've come to love my intolerant sense of self, for she's rather feisty and great for my self esteem. I can imagine if that part of me was not suppressed by the people pleaser in me when I had my 1st child, she would have led me to say to those careless staff members 'Do you really think this is the best way to treat a 1st time mum who's stressed, clueless and a little scared? Show me compassion. I have just brought a human being to life, give me the respect I deserve and nothing less'.

 

Had a conversation with my daughter a couple of days ago that went something like 'I think I've worked out how to naturally channel my intolerant sense of self in a more conscious way. All I need to do is get a little bit of rage churning and then it will naturally come to life, when I need it'. She smiled while telling me 'That's how I do it. If I want greater self esteem and courage, I get a bit of anger going, to start with'. I'm jealous, took me 52 years to work this out.

 

While so many people are trying so hard to work the emotion of anger out, sometimes it pays to master working it up😊

Chris_Tas
Community Member

Ok.

 

I'm here. 

 

How I'm still here is equally surprising to you as me.

 

I want to wish our members on here here happiness but also chat to me anytime.

 

I find others being friendly resets my my view on myself.

 

Chris

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Chris

 

Sorry I lost you somewhere along the line. The new setup tends to trigger me, especially when the old setup used to automatically notify us every time someone responded. Anyhow, glad I found you. Hope you're making progress. Can be a tough gig, this 'gradually coming to understand our self' business.

 

Friendships and relationships...ahhh. I should say, I regard you as a friend Chris, especially with you having supported me through discovering much needed revelations in the past. I believe good friendships are based on a desire to help each other evolve in a number of ways.

 

Used to wonder so much about why some relationships are so much harder than others. What came to mind one day were the words 'All relationships are based on how we relate'. I've found the strongest tend to be with those who I can easily relate to. The toughest are based on those who's beliefs and behaviours are largely unrelatable. For example, I find it hard to relate to someone who's all about shutting down exploring emotions/feelings. I figure why would someone not want to explore, if emotions/feelings are factors that lead us to evolve as we come to understand our self better through them. Not talking about people who are led to shut down through no fault of their own, more so the kind of people who proclaim feelings/emotions to be 'a load of rubbish discussed amongst 'soft' kind of people'. In other words, I can't relate to people who put others down or shut them down in order to boost their sense of self worth. Btw, I think the better we get at being sensitive (having the ability to sense) the easier it is to feel a person's nature. You get a sense of it through feeling the put downs or shut downs they throw your way, for example. You know those feelings. While I used become quite down, through put downs and shut downs, these days I'm more inclined to point out the obvious to some folk, 'You know, I can feel you being depressing. What's up with that?'. I believe constructively managing sensitivity requires some sassiness 😁

Hi all.

I don't understand how this new forum works.

 

Look for forum and it's great knowledge links not if struggling (I am)

 

Guess suicidal people not important anymore.

Bob_22
Community Member

Hi Chris_Tas,

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you're finding this new forum difficult to manage. I know I struggled at first and still am to an extent. Please let me know what you're struggling with so I can help you or provide feedback? 

 

Please note if you're feeling suicidal or need support please contact one of the beyond blue counsellors through phone or webchat here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor

 

Bob

Chris_Tas
Community Member

Hi Bob.

It must just be me but I love the colours and look of new site buts its almost impossible to navigate.

 

I have found my way but when struggling its not ideal to have to feel like you are climbing Mt Everest just to write a simple post mate.

 

I do appreciate your post Bob and yes Mods are aware of how poor I think the new site id.

 

Hope you are well mate.

 

Chris

Chris_Tas
Community Member

Thank you Bob.

Basically the site is overwhelming in links and information.

 

I might be great for a person looking for advice, it's truly horrible for anyone wanting a simple link to what they need.

 

It must be improved Bob as I'm 41 and use web all day and this new site is so overly colourful and overwhelming when in need.

 

 

 

Bob_22
Community Member

Hi Chris_Tas,

 

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you mate. Even I have trouble sometimes navigating the site and notifications of past threads. I definitely understand the new layout can be overwhelming and induce some anxiety. It's good to hear that the mods have been in touch. Are there any specific links you're looking for? I'll see if I can help.

 

You can also contact the head office here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/about-us/contact-us if you're having trouble navigating a particular section if that helps. 

 

Bob

Chris_Tas
Community Member

Hi Bob.

Thank you for your reply.

 

Well I see a forums Tab straight up now - I swear it wasn't there before but I'm regularly wrong!

 

Yep it's always tough navigating new or amended sites but I t think its fantastic now and your (and the Mods) support continues to be outstanding.

 

If you have any issues please say so Bob as to me good mental health is a "two-way street".

 

Chris

Chris_Tas
Community Member

So my mate from Psych ward has passed - yes I'm upset but it's difficult as when "inside" you are safe, outside is "scary".

 

Well at least to me it is and it never used to be.

 

 

Chris